Thanks for tuning in for Gospel Solutions for Families on the Mormon Channel. This show is all about offering practical, relevant tips for raising children in faith. I'm your host, Amy Iverson.

We teach our kids so many things in the gospel: how to pray, about the Word of Wisdom, Primary songs. But are we taking the time to teach them about what may be the most important gospel skill they will need in their life--how to recognize the Spirit? Elder Jay Jensen explained the challenge in a general conference talk in April of 1989. He said: "We need not assume that the Holy Ghost works upon us only in dramatic or spectacular ways. The Lord has given to members of his church the privilege of having the Holy Ghost as a companion. With that great gift, we [recognize] that, as long as we are worthy, the Spirit will work with us in numerous ways. We would do well to recognize how often the Spirit inspires us and work to cultivate that special companionship." Joining me today is one of the newly called Primary General Presidency, Sister Bonnie H. Cordon. She's the Second Counselor and is eager to talk about how we help our children learn how the Spirit speaks to them. Sister Cordon served a mission in Portugal. She has her education degree from BYU, spent many years in corporate America, and has four children. Thanks for being here today. It's wonderful to be with you. Talk to me just first off--why is this skill so important for our children to have? It's interesting. As you read the information that you have from Elder Jensen, he lists lots of things that we teach our kids. And all those components are part of learning how to listen to the Spirit, because through prayer, through service, through all of it, that's when the Spirit speaks to us. And so all of those things are going to teach us about how we can recognize the Spirit and realize that we're being guided always by the Spirit. So you were a busy parent. I'm a busy parent. Parents are busy. And teaching children how to recognize the Spirit may not be the very first thing parents think about. You even mentioned it was something that you had to learn as a parent, to remember to teach your kids this. That's a good point. As I first started being a mom, I was more concerned with "Do they have their shoes on? Are they out the door? What's happening next?" And then as we get more comfortable, you start realizing that "Oh, I also need to help them realize that as we're getting their shoes on and as they're getting out the door, that they're also feeling the Spirit and are guided." And I was amazed at how that transition happened, because as my other kids, my younger kids--I started being more aware and then started asking the questions that helped them contemplate and understand more about the Spirit. Is your first child OK, though? [LAUGHTER] You know what? He survived. OK. Good. In fact, he probably did it in spite of all of us, so it was good. And something important--you have 4 children. Some people have 10. Some people have 1. But each one of them is going to feel it and recognize it in a different way. How important is that for us to teach them that it's very individual? You think of your kids. They are individual, and they're individual learners. And we're learning how the Spirit speaks to us. And so it's fun to see how your children learn and then be able to realize that that learning style also helps them understand how the Spirit speaks to them. So if they're a very visual, maybe we need to put temples in our homes and things that will help them visually connect with the Spirit. If they're an activity-oriented type child, maybe activities. Maybe we go to Temple Square. We're going to go and do the things that will help them feel the Spirit. And it's a language. It's a language. You speak Portuguese. And so you can kind of relate that to learning a new language, learning the language of the Spirit. Absolutely. A lot of the schools now have immersion programs where they get to put their children into Chinese or into Portuguese. And they get to study that all day long, and all they hear is Portuguese or Chinese. Well, if it's the language of the Spirit--the more they can be immersed in that and have opportunities to hear the Spirit, then the more they're going to be able to realize that "I do know what that sounds like to me." And they'll be able to have courage to act on that. You talked about kids needing to have a voice. And I like this because you said one way that we can do that--they need to have a voice in a lot of things. But when we're talking about how the Spirit speaks to them, giving them a voice. Just asking them, even on a daily basis, "How did you feel the Spirit today?" How can parents do that more often? Again, we forget to do this. We do forget. And there's lots of opportunities. And just being aware that there are opportunities that can help you facilitate "How did you feel, or what are your thoughts?" I remember Sister Esplin, she spoke at conference one time, and she was talking about the Spirit. And she said her daughter Ashley had called her and said, "Mom, you've got to hear this story." And I'm going to paraphrase it. So if you want the actual story, we need to get online and really look. But it struck me. This cute daughter had been dealing with these children fighting all day long. And as they were fighting--and she had had it. She was up to here. Her little daughter came running to her and said, "Andrew is not playing fair. He's not being nice." And the thought came to her, "Should we pray to Heavenly Father? Maybe He can help Andrew and you be nice." And the thought, first of all, for the little girl was "No," because she was not in that spirit of praying. But then she stepped back and she said, "Yeah. Let's pray, because if that will help Andrew be nice ..." And as she prayed, all of a sudden when she said, "And Heavenly Father, help me be nice," she started to cry.

As she got done, she wrapped her arms around her mom. And her mom said, "What are you feeling?" She says, "I feel good." "Why are you crying?" "I don't know." And she was able to help her at that point: "See, that's the Spirit telling you that Heavenly Father loves you and He will help you be kind." So that little story for her was--a busy mom doing busy things, had it up to here with all the fighting. But she took a minute, and it turned into an opportunity for that little girl to feel the Spirit. I love that story. Also, how important is it--I think sometimes we read the scriptures, and we read these stories that, like Elder Jensen said, have these spectacular things that happen where people see angels or different things. And that's important for us to teach our children too. You mentioned that it can come in various forms, oftentimes not spectacular. The small and simple things. It's usually through the small and simple things. Sometimes we don't even realize that we're having a spiritually guided experience. I think it was President Benson said, "Do good"--let's see. I think I even wrote it down. "When you do good, you feel good." And that's the Holy Ghost. And just helping children realize--and adults and youth realize--that when you're doing good, you're going to feel good. And then the Holy Ghost is going to be there and be directing you. I remember one time I was in Portugal. And I was new. I was going to high school there. I had lived in Idaho Falls, which was a very safe place. All my friends had the same standards as I. And all of a sudden, I was put into a situation that people had different standards than I did. And being a little bit naive, they asked me to come to a party. I went to the party and realized that that was not kind of party I needed to be part of. This is not an Idaho Falls party. [LAUGHTER] It was not an Idaho Falls party. But the Spirit was still with me, and I did not feel comfortable. I realized that this was not a party that I needed to be part of. So I excused myself. And as I walked out of that party, I remember my heart feeling so much lighter. Because, really, it could have been a scary situation. You're in the middle of Portugal. You didn't really know your way around. I didn't speak Portuguese. But the Spirit just said, "Have the courage to walk out." And as I walked out, I was just relieved. I thought, [SIGHS]. And really, that's the Spirit. Just that little relief was the Spirit saying, "You're doing the right thing." And I was able to get to the train, get home, and all was well. But the Spirit will help us. I had talked to you about your party story. And I had just talked to my Sunday School class about this because you so often hear people say, "If you go to a party like that, the Spirit leaves you at the door." And what a perfect example of no, not necessarily. Talk to us about--are there times the Spirit does leave you? But also, can the Spirit still stay with you in certain environments like you were in? It's important for youth and children to realize whatever you're seeking--if it's, you're seeking good and you have a good intent--the Spirit's going to stay with you and keep guiding you even if you stumble into a situation that may not be the best situation for you. The Spirit's going to help you leave if you'll listen to the promptings. But if we ignore those promptings, we have our agency. And so the Spirit will leave, and we will not be able to feel and hear that. But if we act on those spiritual promptings, then we're going to receive more. And just our mind, our spirit is going to be more in tune with what we're hearing. And then we'll be able to act. And the more we act, the more we understand. Just like a language, like you said. The more you speak that language, the more you understand that language. And I think it's important because we talk a lot about having quiet, which can be a place that--a thing that fosters us being able to hear the Spirit. Having quiet. But in a situation like that party, it wasn't quiet. But you were still able to hear the Spirit. Because you're quiet inside. Sometimes--even though all around you may be chaos, you can have the Spirit. You can be quiet inside. One of the most important things, too, I think, is teaching our kids that the Spirit can speak to us in a lot of different ways. It's not always a burning in the bosom. It's not always a whisper. There's lots of different ways that it can talk to us. That is great insight. You really hit that because one of the things that I love is in Preach My Gospel. There is, in chapter 4, an activity that's called "Personal and Companion Study" that every parent and every family should pull up. And in that it speaks of different ways--in fact, I'm just looking at it here--where it gives you ideas and gives you the scripture reference on how the Spirit touches you. Now, this is a manual for missionaries. And so I'm sure this is how they're saying, "This is how you teach people to feel the Spirit." I mean, this is what we have to do as parents. Exactly. So you can teach a child--and just for instance, it says, "Gives [an idea in] mind." And sometimes your kids will have an idea, and they're like, "Oh, my goodness, I have an idea of how we can do this." And it's nice to be able to say, "And that's the Holy Ghost testifying." And as you had the list of things that the Holy Ghost can do, it can tell you--bear the truth of all things. If the Holy Ghost can tell the truth of all things and bear witness of all things, this gives you a great list of things. "Gives feelings of peace and comfort." "Guides to truth and shows things to come." So this is an activity we can do with our kids. Yes, and I think you'll really enjoy it. Pull this up and be able to use this in your family. I think it will be a resource that you'll draw on a lot. And it'd be good for husbands and wives to study together and to be really familiar with this activity. Let's talk a little bit, too, about other things parents can do, because sometimes we don't really maybe know how to teach our kids this or how to help them understand how to feel the Spirit. And you point out that something so important is for us to vocalize when we feel the Spirit and share those stories with our kids. It is important. If they can hear other stories or hear--just like us. If we get an example of what a mom did, you think, "That's a great idea. I'll use that." So the more that they understand that you've gone through the process of understanding the Spirit and how it has affected you--if you come in at the end of the day and you're sitting around the table, and you have an opportunity just to talk and say, "I have to tell you what happened today. I was looking for my keys, and I could not find those keys." And I've done that a lot of times. Yeah. Me too. And I have dropped to my knees or just said a quiet prayer. And the thought has come, "Go look in the washroom." And you go look in the washroom, and there it is. In fact, I have a story on this, which was fun. My son texted me. And he was in Madrigals. It was his senior year, and they were having pictures. And it was critical that he have the certain tie. And he texted me, said, "Mom, where's my tie?" And I thought, "Well, I don't know. I didn't do anything with it." Love those questions. Yeah. Looked all over, couldn't find the tie. And I got this, "Mom, I really need this tie." And I did not know where it was. And so I finally just knelt down, and I said, "Heavenly Father, this is a big deal to Dallin. Where on earth could this tie be?" And it was one of those times--didn't tell me the specific. It just said, "Look in the washroom." Looked in the washroom. Nothing. Prayed again. "Look in the washroom." So I looked in the washroom. Nothing. Finally, I really looked in the washroom between the washer and dryer, and there it was. Now, the interesting thing is when he came home, I sat down and I bore my testimony to him about his tie and how the Lord really did, through the Holy Ghost, help us find his tie. So instead of just thinking, "Thank you very much. I'm so grateful for the tie," having the opportunity to step back and tell your kids about what you just went through is important. And also, what a great example of a way to share with your kids that what is important to them is important to Heavenly Father. Yeah. The little things like a tie or my shoes. Because I think sometimes kids think, "Oh, that's not important enough to bother the Holy Ghost with," or "That's not important enough to pray about." It can be if it's important to you. Don't you love the scriptures where He just says, "Knock"? And you're going to receive that answer. So we do need to teach them how to pray. And that's an important thing, is how to pray. Ask for specific things. And if they learn--that's part of understanding how the Spirit works, is knowing how to pray. And so that's one of the things that parents can do to help our children understand the Spirit. And another thing that is important you point out--no matter their age--is that parents can really help in setting an environment which welcomes the Spirit. Talk about that a little bit. Well, all of us know that environment makes a huge difference. I remember growing up, and every Sunday, music was on when I woke up. That was kind of the Sunday alarm clock, is that the Sunday music would come on. And so we took that in our home, and we always have Sunday music. It just set a tone. And I know that if my kids have a stressful situation, I'll put on some soothing music so that when they're coming home, there is this quiet. It's a sense of peace in our home. They don't just go put in earbuds? [LAUGHTER] No. They don't. OK. That's good. That's kind of an off-limits in our house. If you're in the house-- No earbuds. --You have to be with the people. And so every home has its own set of rules. But ours was when you're together, we want to be together. But we did have--we loved music. We set an environment. And I think a lot of it is, we step back and we say, "What would set a positive tone for me?" That's going to set the same thing for your children. So if the first thing that they hear when they walk in the door is "How was your day? So thrilled that you're home," it's going to set a positive tone. [SIGHS] I'm working on that one. We all work on that. Depending on the day. Talk about--what do we teach our children about times the Spirit might leave us? You talked about how important it is for us to invite it. What are the ways kids can uninvite the Spirit? I think that one great thing is to ask the kids. Let them tell you what they think. I think we don't give them enough opportunity to be able to voice what they think, because they know what disinvites the Spirit. And if they don't, they at least have one or two things. And by having an opportunity to discuss, "So what do you think disinvites the Spirit? What is the things that would maybe help us to--that we need to be aware of?" And then they can come up with a list, or they can come up with some feelings. And that way, they're part of the process of discovering. What I love about what you said about having that peace and the quiet internally is that--let's face it, there are parents and kids out there who don't have a peaceful environment in which they live. That's true. And so if we always say to them, "You have to have a peaceful environment to feel the Spirit," they're thinking, "I'm never going to feel the Spirit." And so that is so important to know that you can have it anytime. You can have the Spirit anytime, and especially if you're inviting it. As they learn to pray and say, "I need the Spirit today. Help me that I can be able to listen to the quiet promptings." And even though there's chaos around you, you can listen to the Spirit. You think of Nephi. Here he was in a very chaotic situation. But yet he was guided by the Spirit to Laban. And so any time we need the Spirit, the Lord has said He would love to give us that Spirit. But He needs to have that invitation. And then our acts--what we do--can be that invitation. So I want to go on both, kind of, ends of the spectrum with our kids. You're in the Primary General Presidency. So for those little ones who haven't yet received the gift of the Holy Ghost, what do we teach them about how they can use the Spirit? Well, we know that there's the Light of Christ. Right. And the great thing is, children have the ability to feel the abundant love of our Heavenly Father. And I think back to President Benson's comments--if you do good, you're going to feel good. And that's the Holy Ghost. And all good things are from our Heavenly Father. And so the Holy Ghost will bear testimony of that. So if they get used to doing good things and feeling good and knowing what those feelings feel like-- And pointing that out-- --And pointing it out, and say, "How do you feel when you pray?" and letting them have part of the discussion. That is going to foster that understanding of doing the good things. And then as they get older, we keep reassuring them. And then they can continue to draw on those experiences that they have. "How did you feel on this?" And then setting opportunities. I remember our kids--we always read the scriptures. No matter who was at our home, in the evening we read the scriptures together. So sometimes there was a boatload of teenagers there at a party at our home. And I'd say, "Oh, you guys, come on over. We're having scripture study." Oh, boy. I'm trying that this weekend. [LAUGHTER] And my teenagers were like, "Oh." And I had plenty of copies of Book of Mormon. And they'd sit down, and we'd start reading. And I'd say, "Well, so what are your thoughts?" And I'd always start with my children because they were used to giving their thoughts. Some of the kids would say, "Whatever your son said is my thought." Others actually would give some insight. But it was amazing how those kids always looked forward to--"Is it scripture study time?" And as I've gone to some of their wedding receptions now, every time I go and we're in the line, they always say, "I remember studying the scriptures at your house, and it always felt so good." And so even though my kids rolled their eyes and were like, "Mom, why do you do that?"--if we consistently do these things that help foster an environment of the Spirit, it just gives them opportunities even though they may not be at the right spirit at that time when they're reading whatever chapter it is. It gives them an opportunity to just feel the Spirit and invite it if they would like to. And that leads to my next question, is--on the other end of the spectrum, I love the littles that you can control. But then when they get older and you don't have control--and there are many people listening, I'm sure, who have children who don't feel the Spirit say they don't care if they feel the Spirit and don't want to seek for the Spirit, because that is the answer--if you seek it, right? But for those children who don't want to, then what do parents do? Well, you keep--that's a challenge. And we have to recognize--and they're trying so hard. But it's a reality. But you keep doing those things. You still have family prayer, even if they're over in the corner going, "I don't even want to--this is so dumb." When they're still in your home, you can still invite. One time, one of our sons was having a hard day and did not want to come to family prayer. So we knelt outside of his room. But there is something wonderful that comes as a child hears his name in a prayer, as they feel that "that family's praying for me. They're pulling for me." They may not recognize it at the beginning, or they may not even show it. They may recognize it, but they may not give any notice to it. But they will feel in their hearts. And it may be years go by--years before they draw on that knowledge that they had. But we don't ever stop. We need to plant the seeds now because we know whatever we plant, we will reap. It doesn't mean we'll reap tomorrow. We may not reap it in 10 years. But we will reap that reward. We continue to love them. We keep trying. You keep praying. The Spirit's going to speak to you too. Right. You can't stop just because one member of your family isn't joining in. Yeah. It's a lifetime of a quest, really. And it seems like a long time. And it's a heavy, heavy thing sometimes. But you keep doing and you keep loving. You keep loving them. The answer is, really, to love them. Finally, you mentioned to me to capitalize on times when it's a big moment for not just that child but any child, like when it's their turn to pray, and to have a mindset of joy. How does that play into us feeling the Spirit? It's important that we realize--or the kids realize--that having the Spirit is a positive. And as we enjoy the kids around us, even if our kids aren't doing exactly the right things at this point--but we enjoy what good things they are doing. So if-- Focus on the good. Focus on the good. Yeah. Focus on the things that are positive in their lives. There's always something positive. Positive, maybe, that they got up today. Or they know where their shoes are, if they're younger. But we focus on the positives. So our life isn't just full of negatives if things aren't going exactly how we want them to be. It's hard for them to feel the Spirit when parents focus on the negative. Yeah. Always. We need to have a chance to talk. We need to talk to our kids. And as we talk, "What are your thoughts? How do you feel when you are at this party? What are things that make you feel safe? What do you feel?" so that they know. They can step back and analyze, and you just listen. We don't have to comment on what they say. We just listen. You also said to me, though, parents can't be afraid to parent. That's true. How do those play off of one another? Well, and that's--the great thing is, we do have the Spirit. My daughter one time said, "My mom is my best friend." And I said, "I'm not your best friend. I'm your mom." She was hurt. But the reality is, we do need to be a parent. They need to know where we do stand on issues. We can be positive on the good things that they are doing, but they do need to know where we stand. So they need to know that the Church is important, that our Heavenly Father loves us and we know who we are. They need to understand what the purpose is of family. Why do we have the scriptures? What is faith? What is repentance? Why is repentance a good thing? Why is the Holy Ghost something that we're seeking out? What was our covenant at baptism? So as they know those things, they have something to draw on. They know the why. Many times we don't teach the "Why do we do this?" And as they know why we're doing this and that they understand the whole plan of salvation, it's going to change--at least they'll know why their parents believe what they believe. Yeah. And as you're doing that, no doubt your testimony is coming through. And the Spirit might touch them even if it's just a little. A little seed. Perfect. Thank you so much for your thoughts today. It was wonderful to be with you. Sister Bonnie Cordon is the Second Counselor in the Primary General Presidency, and we've been talking about how to teach our children to recognize the Spirit and how it speaks to them. Thank you for joining us. Gospel Solutions for Families on the Mormon Channel. Subscribe to the podcast on mormonchannel.org, the Mormon Channel app, or on iTunes.