The Value of Experiencing and Expressing Gratitude

Record daily or several times a week three to five blessings or “tender mercies” you have felt or experienced, such as good health, a positive relationship with someone, improvements, or lessons learned. Focus on describing the experiences, including recording your thoughts and emotions about them, rather than merely cataloguing them or analyzing them. Your purpose is to relive and savor those experiences, encouraging you to experience them more often.

Think about someone who has been kind or has done something for you whom you have never properly thanked. Consider, for example, parents, grandparents, friends, teachers, coaches, and employers. Write that person a gratitude letter, being specific about the details of the kindness toward you and how it affected you. If possible, deliver it in person, sharing the contents and expressing your appreciation. Tell the person how and what you are doing now. This approach will not only enhance your own feelings of gratitude but it will also encourage the people you visit to continue in beneficial service to others, knowing that the service is gratefully received.

In addition to the journal described above, make a comprehensive list of all your blessings, many of which might also have appeared in your journal. After listing any of the obvious blessings that you may enjoy—such as health, family members, and the gospel—shift to “smaller” blessings, such as running water, electricity, flowers, and so forth. As part of this exercise, try to remember blessings that you didn’t previously recognize as blessings. For example, pain is a signal that something needs attention, perhaps in order to save a life. A hard experience can teach us patience and wisdom. A wrong committed by another toward us can teach us forgiveness.

Elder Jeffrey R. Holland of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles wisely counseled, “No misfortune is so bad that whining about it won’t make it worse.”¹⁰ Identify and list your complaining and ungrateful thoughts, and replace them with grateful thoughts and problem-solving strategies. We are prone to be more grateful when we recall how others have contributed to our success and happiness and when we focus on positive action rather than passive complaining.

Regularly dedicate an entire prayer to your expressions of gratitude.¹¹ Be specific; go beyond the obvious. See how exhaustive you can be. Discover the truth in the lines “And it will surprise you what the Lord has done.”¹²

Make a habit of writing letters of appreciation. Say thank you frequently to your loved ones and also to cashiers, postal workers, and others who serve you in any capacity. As you interact with community and civil servants and workers, consider writing a letter of commendation to their supervisors, praising their work and expressing your appreciation.

Think of situations you are glad you don’t experience, such as famine, war, or debilitating illness. Think of circumstances you would not want to experience. Be grateful your life is not more difficult as you consciously work to improve it. Demonstrate your gratitude to the Lord by doing whatever you can to assist those less fortunate than you.

As you set goals and strive to meet them, remind yourself of your progress even if you have not yet met them. For example, if your goal is to lose 25 pounds, celebrate the 10 you have lost by noting and reminding yourself of health improvements: lower blood pressure, greater energy, stronger muscles, more flexibility. If your goal is to complete reading the Book of Mormon this year, remind yourself of the many spiritual moments you experience, for example, as you read the magnificent sermon of King Benjamin.

Paul declared, “I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content” (Philippians 4:11). He further taught, “But godliness with contentment is great gain” (1 Timothy 6:6). It is tempting to complain and murmur when life is challenging and things don’t appear to be working out as we wish. We learn from Nephi in his great afflictions on his journey: “I did praise him all the day long; and I did not murmur against the Lord because of mine afflictions” (1 Nephi 18:16). The people of Ammon “praised God even in the very act of perishing under the sword” (Alma 24:23). The act of thanking and praising has great power to help us endure and is one of the surest methods for increasing happiness. It is also a way to define our relationship with God, from whom all blessings flow.

God reminded the Israelites that He gave them “great and goodly cities, which thou buildedst not, and houses full of all good things, which thou filledst not, and wells digged, which thou diggedst not, vineyards and olive trees, which thou plantedst not, when thou shalt have eaten and be full; then beware lest thou forget the Lord” (Deuteronomy 6:10–12). He has similarly blessed us. When we recognize His hand in all things we naturally desire to express thanks and praise. We realize that He knows more than we do, that He doesn’t relish our suffering, and that in the eternal balance we are still in His debt. If we consider our blessings, we come to realize that if we were blessed on the scale of our best efforts, we would enjoy far less than what we already enjoy.