You may not be able to fix every problem.

To validate means we try to understand and accept someone else’s feelings.

It’s something each of us can do—even when there’s not a whole lot we can do to help the rest of the situation.

“Validating that their pain is real can be an important first step in finding understanding and healing,” taught Sister Reyna I. Aburto. She went through a lot of difficult things in her life, including her brother’s death, her father’s suicide, and her first husband’s struggle with addiction.¹

Here’s how you can practice validating.

• Listen. Sometimes when a person is talking, we spend the whole time thinking about what we’re going to say next. Especially if we’ve contributed to the problem, it can be easy to feel defensive and want to argue. Try to let that go and just carefully listen.
• Try to understand. Politely ask clarifying questions to better understand what they are feeling. Do your best to put yourself in their shoes. Try to see life from their point of view.
• Accept the person’s feelings. Events affect different people in different ways. Don’t argue with someone about how they’re feeling or judge them for feeling a certain way.
• Show compassion. Make sure they know that, even though you can’t perfectly understand what they’re going through, you care about them. Say things like, “I’m sorry you are going through this. It sounds so hard.”

As is true with everything, this pattern gets easier with practice. The world needs more valiant validators like you!

Notes

1. From “Thru Cloud and Sunshine, Lord, Abide with Me!,” general conference, Nov. 2019. Watch a three-part series about Sister Aburto’s life here.