I was born in the city of Monterrey in the state of Nuevo Leon, in Mexico.
We grew up in South Central Los Angeles for a while before we moved to the San Fernando Valley.
My dad used to beat me up every day because of alcohol.
It wasn't the picture-perfect type of atmosphere to be growing up in. When I was 14, my dad had beat me up for the last time. And so I left. The funny thing is, I had no place to go.
I remember it was on maybe the second or third night, a couple of guys tried to hurt me while I was sleeping behind a dumpster. My nose got all bloody. And I walked up to one of the prostitutes that was on the boulevard, and she said, "Are you hurt?" And of course, being 14 and macho, I told her, "I'm not hurt. Are you hurt? Do you need someone to protect you?" Now, looking back, I realize that she took pity on me. And she allowed me to stay with her.
She was a heroin addict, so she introduced me to the needle.
I would help her gather her money. I basically would stay in the closet with a baseball bat just in case anybody didn't want to pay her. It was my job to come out and start swinging.
Part of the culture is to understand that you become dedicated to your homeboys, your [SPANISH].. That becomes your life. A lot of people don't even leave their neighborhood.
A lot of times it's not that you don't want to leave, it's just, you don't know how to leave.
I hate to say this, but after you've buried enough people, you kind of just get used to it.
Because my social worker knew that I was getting in trouble, she helped me get into this family. It wasn't a hard transition, really. I knew that I had my own room. I didn't have to come up with rent. I didn't have to pull any licks. I didn't have to sell dope. I was getting comfortable in the fact that the dad actually took care of the family. The mom actually cooked meals. And they were wonderful meals. I started going to the Mormon Church. The bishop asked me if I would be interested in going on an LDS mission, and I thought, "Wow, that sounds pretty good." Anyways, I went and served a mission for two years. It's one of the greatest, miraculous things I had ever witnessed in my life. After my mission, I got married. We had three kids, and it seemed like life was good. After a few years, we were struggling like everybody else. I was trying to figure out how I could make some money in order to take care of my family. And naturally the first thing I thought of, something that came easy to me when I was a kid, was selling drugs. She picked the lock and caught me with four ounces of rock cocaine. She didn't know exactly what it was, but she knew it was illegal. She left me and took my three kids with her. That sent me into a tailspin. I got back into the hood. I got back into gang life. I got back into selling dope. I got back into everything that goes with it. Oh, gosh. It lasted for years, for decades. Living the way I had lived for so many years, it was almost incalculable to try and numerically figure out and quantify how many things I had done wrong. The weight of guilt and the feeling of remorse overawed me. I didn't think it was possible to ever get clean. But I remember in the scriptures that the Lord had descended below all things. And certainly, if anything could save me, it would be the Atonement. It would have taken a God who had descended below all things to be able "to rescue a soul so rebellious and proud as mine." And so in order to be able to remove the guilt and the unspeakable horrors and the sorrows that I had been carrying for a lifetime, I knew that it all hinged on confession. I finally found myself in the front of my bishop's door. I knew that I was going to have to share some things that were hurtful, shameful, things that you didn't want other people to know. When I was able to confess all of my sins, it was like I was free from all of that. It was as if I didn't have to carry that baggage anymore. I was happier. Since I've been rebaptized, I've been married going on three years. I've been clean and free from addiction. I don't even have the desire to do what I used to do. The Holy Ghost is in my life.
I'm able to take the sacrament.
My life is good. My life is really good.
I want you to know that it is possible to change. And I want you to know that it's possible to be forgiven. I want you to know that it starts with confession.