Thanks for tuning in for Gospel Solutions for Families on the Mormon Channel. This show is all about offering practical, relevant tips for raising children in faith. I'm your host, Amy Iverson.

Serving others is one of the foundational teachings of the gospel. We know we should help others if we are truly following the example of our Savior. In October conference of 2015, Sister Carol F. McConkie of the Young Women General Presidency said, "Righteousness emanates out to the world when we understand what God wants us to do and then we do it." I think most of us know this is true, and a lot of people are really good at it. But sometimes we may have a hard time knowing what God wants us to do. Sometimes we may serve grudgingly, and other times our lives get so busy that we simply don't see how we could fit service into our schedule. Joining us today is Sister Linda K. Burton, the Relief Society General President, who says we can find joy in serving others. Thanks for being here today. Thank you. So the biggest thing is, I think you are in the same place as so many of us. We have a million roles. We're moms, we're grandmas, we have a Church calling, we work, we're the General Relief Society President. Not all of us have that. How do you find balance in your life and prioritize and still find time to serve? Maybe that can help the rest of us. Well, I think maybe looking at service in a different way is--if we look at it, I love the expression that President Uchtdorf used years ago in his talk where he said, "Lift where you stand." You know, it's in your attitude; it's where you are. Service isn't out there; it's a feeling in your heart. We're judged on the desires of our hearts. And when we try and do whatever we can--maybe it's letting someone in line before at the grocery store, or maybe it's just asking, "How are you doing?" and listening. Maybe that's the service we're performing. I think if we're always looking outside there, then we're never going to get to it. But if it's in our hearts, it's part of who we are. I like that. And that makes me feel bad because I just didn't open a door for a woman with a baby. She had to ask me. I thought, "What am I doing?" And that is part of what you talked about in one of your general conference talks about "First observe, then serve." And I think sometimes we're also caught up in our own lives and what's going on with us. How can we be better at that? I think there's a really great little saying: Serve without remembering, but receive without forgetting. So if you can remember things that others have done for you and then let that be a springboard and show your gratitude for that by doing something for someone else--and they're usually little things that people do that mean the most. It's not the great big huge things, because you know sometimes that's a burden for people. But the little things that meant something to you, you can go on and do that. I think that's part of it too. I know as a young mom, I didn't serve a lot. But then that time came when I needed service, and I think sometimes it's hard for people to accept that. But once I did, then oh, how willing I was after that to serve, because I knew how important it was. Let me give you an example of that. Our daughter was having twins. That's where I was. That's probably where you're coming from, then. She had twin boys, but we were on our mission thousands of miles away. I couldn't be there to help her. It was her first pregnancy, and she was bedridden for a couple months. And the little things that people did--let me give you one example, one that really touched her heart and touched mine as she told me. It was around Valentine's Day, and someone must have put themselves in her shoes and said, "How would I feel if I were in bed at Valentine's Day?" She didn't have anything, couldn't go to the store to get anything for her husband. So she brought over about six valentines and a bunch of little things that she could give to her husband. "Would any of these be something that you might want to give to your husband?" It was just the thought that here's something that is just little that she could do, but that was a springboard for my daughter then. She started writing down all the little things that people did for her that meant so much to her. And I have seen her become a better server because of what she received. And so I think, let's remember what others have done for us that felt special to us. And it doesn't have to be the exact same thing, but it'll be a springboard. Yeah, and I know there's a lot of focus on the one--serving the one, finding the one, noticing the one. And I think sometimes to people, that may seem overwhelming because you think, "Oh, it's easy when someone plans a service project and I just go and I do it." But how can we do that? How can we notice the one a little better and not make it seem overwhelming? Well, and sometimes it may be overwhelming. The first thing that comes to my mind is the good Samaritan. Two passed by, and one noticed.

The Samaritan had to go out of his way to serve. But he had to notice first that there was a need. And maybe he had had a similar experience. Maybe he'd been beaten up and somebody helped him, and so he was willing to stop whatever it was and serve and go the extra mile. But I also think there are seasons in our lives that we have to take into account. How do we seek out the one? I think it goes back to what's happening in our lives. Can we notice the person that looks downcast, and can we just go over and pat them on the back or give a smile? I think if we can not make things so big and just notice the one--they're usually within our sphere of influence. It might be the children that live in our house. It might be a sister or a brother that we haven't connected with for a while. It might be who we go visiting teaching or home teaching to. All it takes is a text message, and that's seeking out the one. We can pray. We can get down on our knees and ask, "Heavenly Father, who's the one today that I can touch within my sphere of influence? And please help me to do it in a way that would be meaningful and acceptable." Everything you just said reminded me of things I've said to my children. Noticing people in the hall, noticing the person who needs a friend. These are the same things we teach our children. And we need to continue to teach them, and maybe that's by us mentoring what that behavior is like. That's perfect. Absolutely, mentoring--there's not a better way.

We know that Christ was the Light of the World. We also know that the scriptures tell us, "Ye are the light of the world." And sometimes like you mentioned--and I just want to drive this home--we can light the world in very small, simple ways. And you told me a great story of a woman and her visiting teachers. And that really struck a chord with me because I think, like you said, sometimes we think things have to be so grand when the things that touch someone are small. Tell that story. I hope I do it justice. It just happened about a week ago. A sister in our ward was telling about her inactivity in the Church, that she had drifted off at a young age and was gone from the Church for 21 years. But she says, "Every knock on the door by a visiting teacher or a home teacher," she said, "I'd stand on the other side and never answer it. But I knew they were there, and sometimes they'd leave a note."

She says, "Drop by drop, it gave me the courage when I finally had the courage to come back. That helped me know that I was noticed, that I was missed, and gave me the courage to come back." And that, to me, just all boils down to love. Yeah. She felt loved by these women. They could have said, "She never responds. I'm not going back." She probably went through several sets of visiting teachers, I would guess. But each time someone gave it a shot, it would remind her that she was worth it. One way that you talked about serving in small ways is when you had the opportunity to host three viewings of Apostles of our Church in the Relief Society Building and what a privilege that was for you. And you didn't do anything grand, but just to be there, to be able to serve in small ways on those days. That was just a privilege to--who would have ever guessed that I'd have the privilege of being there to a viewing of Elder Perry--I'll start to cry--President Packer, and Elder Scott. But I was in a unique position to be there in the building where they had those sacred occasions. But just being there allowed someone to come to me and say, "Where's in the bathroom?" or "Where's this?" or "Where's that?" I think just being there and being a presence. I kind of felt like maybe the mother of the building and just hoping not to intrude. And I think that's something that you have to--you want to be there to help, but you don't want to impose yourself on someone else. And just being there allowed them to come and ask the questions or for me to notice something that maybe was missing. Maybe somebody needed a little bottle of water, or maybe this or that. And it was a sweet privilege. A joy. Well, and what I like about that story is that, again, nothing grand. No. You didn't bake a 10-tier cake or anything. No, I sure did not. But just being there and available to serve if you could, I think that's a lesson for all of us. I know that you love the book Daughters in My Kingdom. And this is a book about the history and work of the Relief Society. And in there there's a great quote from the eighth Relief Society General President. She said: "I am grateful for the opportunity I have had of serving ... in the Relief Society where during most of my mature life I have worked so happily and contentedly with ... thousands of members. I have visited ... their homes, slept in their beds, ... eaten at their tables, and have thus learned of their beauty of character, their unselfishness, their understanding hearts, their faithfulness, and ... sacrifices. I honor beyond my power of expression this great sisterhood of service." And I knew I would be talking to you, and I thought of you. You have done many of these same things around the world. Share with us some of the small acts, or big, of service that you've seen as you've traveled the world, and maybe ways people are teaching service to their children. Well, it is a pretty unique experience to be able to be where I've been and see what I've seen. One of the first places I visited was in West Africa, and one of my first home visits was in Liberia. And "home visit" is kind of a loose term because we didn't go inside the home. We sat outside, just outside the door. And I don't know why. I don't know if it was too hot. I don't know if it was too crowded, if it was too dark. I don't know why we didn't go in the home. But we were invited to come and sit outside the front of the door. And there weren't enough chairs for all of us. There were a couple of plastic chairs. And so instantly, the neighbors were gathering in this little tiny community and started bringing their chairs, one by one, to make sure that the visitors here at this place had a chair to sit on. I just thought, "Isn't that remarkable?" A little later on we went over to Sierra Leone, and while we were waiting to take this little hovercraft thing, we had quite a wait to get onto the boat. And this darling senior couple missionary was with us. And this cute lady, just dripping--it was so hot, and she was just dripping. And she found some candy in her purse, and there were some little children out on this little beach area. And she pulled out some candy, and those children--it was just like a magnet. They came to her. And the look on her face. When we talk about serving joyfully, you would have thought she was going to be caught right up into heaven. And she said, "I am in Africa, and I am serving, and this is a dream come true," basically. Just that feeling, and that just was rubbing off. These children, I'm sure they were joyful anyway, but they wanted to share whatever little thing they had. I think it's ingrown in some of these that don't have much. Some reason, they're so grateful already, and there's not a lot of teaching that needs to be done to some of these children in other areas. But when we have a little bit more, maybe it's a little harder to share. But their feeling of joy and sharing and serving each other was contagious. And it certainly was rubbing off on her, and that's for sure. Another little thing that I was thinking of was, we went to another home, and a sweet sister had probably six little children. When you ask the African sisters how many children they have, they'll often have to stop and think. "Let's see. I'm not really sure," because they often take in other children and have had them on and off for different times. There's a service in and of itself that is teaching something to whoever is coming behind them. But this one sister had probably six or eight children in her home. And before we left, she brought out a big bundle of sandwiches for us. And I thought, "Who's going to go hungry today because she's given us those sandwiches?" But her children were right there with us, with her presenting these sandwiches. And just little things like that, and I could go on and on in different areas of the world and just tell you all kinds of wonderful things. Well, it's fascinating and lovely to hear those stories. A little closer to home, how are some ways that you've found to teach your own children how to serve? And maybe they found the way themselves to find some joy in serving. You hope that you do things right. You feel like you are a failure at a lot of things, but you hope that they catch more than you teach by word. You hope that that example comes through, and you hope that you're doing it joyfully enough that they'll want to do it, because they'll pick up on your grudgingness if you're not serving joyfully. And you do have a great story about a cookie Sunday. I'm really grateful my cute little teenage daughters, one time--not one time, several times when they were in high school. I don't know what started it, but somehow they started a little Sunday night tradition of making cookies for those in need. It started out with 1 plate, then grew to 2, then to 10. It was so fun to hear them giggling in the kitchen on Sunday night making these cookies. And thinking throughout the week who was going to get a plate of cookies, it kind of forced them to look around themselves and look outside themselves. "Who needs a lift?" And I don't even know all the places where they took them or who they took them to. But it was so fun for me as a parent. It was some of those paydays to hear them serving joyfully together in the kitchen and then taking those little cookies out. We've had other times when I've had opportunities to go visiting teaching to some elderly people. And we tried to bring our children into that experience and rake leaves or shovel snow or do weeding or whatever seemed to be the need. And some they did more joyfully than others, but I think doing it as a family helped take some of the pressure off and hopefully gave them some experiences that were joyful. And I hope that rubbed off right. Well, some of it did. They're so much better than I am now. They're all married and do much more than I ever did. We have to talk about the relief effort of "I Was a Stranger." When that conference came around and the choir and the message, it was one that I think was really impactful for a lot of people. And what acts of service have you seen come out of that effort? I'm sure there are a million. There are a million. Pick a favorite. Maybe let me just talk a little bit about the choir for a minute, because that was really an impactful experience. [SINGING] And most of that conference, the remarks that we got back on that was the feeling of the choir. Those, especially, that were in the Conference Center felt something different with that choir. Well, I felt it and I was in my stake center. So this was a choir made up of refugees. A lot of them. People that were from different circumstances that were difficult. And so we can all count ourselves as refugees in some way. And the whole choir, there were a lot that were in that circumstance. But the thing that made it so special were the things that went on behind the scenes. To get the choir members there, there had to be volunteers to help get them there, to help them learn the English. There were so many languages that they hadn't even spoken English. Two girls had just come the week before their first rehearsal started and didn't even speak a word of English. Well, and it's a great story that you guys kind of doubted yourselves a little bit and thought, "How can we pull this off?" And the Spirit really came into play there. You're right. We were sitting around thinking, "What can we do for this, and what needs to happen here?" And the idea of this choir came to us, and we just looked at each other. It was just one of those incredible moments where we knew that the Spirit had worked on us and we knew this was right. Next week we came back to talk about it some more, and we started self-doubting. "Oh, it's going to be too hard. It's going to be too this, it's going to be too that, too that." And one of our beloved sisters said, "Why are we doubting ourselves? We all felt something together. We know this is right, and if it's right, Heavenly Father will help us." And I think that goes for anything we do in service. No matter how big, how hard it looks, He'll help us if it's the right thing to do and if we really are prayerfully, hopefully, working with Him to do His work. And that was no exception. And we had incredible priesthood leaders that supported us and said, "If you have felt this, we will do everything we can to make it work," and they did. It was a joint effort and beautiful. There are so many big, little, simple, wonderful things that have been done. And I credit the hearts of our good sisters. And I got letters and letters the week after that effort was announced, saying, "I have been feeling that I needed to do something, and this was a confirmation of what I was feeling." Or "I have been doing it these last couple of months, not knowing why, but now I know why." Well, we're glad you didn't give up. We're glad too. You used social media and asked how people are serving. Or teaching their children to serve. And I got a few comments back here. What were your favorites? Well, I just wrote--I tried to really choose some simple things. Kate says she's taught her son to be kind by holding doors open for people. So that answers your question there. Wonderful. Now, who doesn't like that from a child? Someone just did that for us last week, and I just was so touched by that. One mother's been trying--her name is Camilla--and I had mentioned on my Facebook thing that Camilla Kimball had a quote, something like, "I try never to suppress a generous thought." I love that thought. And she says, "Oh, I related to that because my name's Camilla." She says she's been trying to teach her children to serve. She knows a simple thing that made the difference. Her five-year-old was speaking very tenderly to her two-year-old while she was helping her put on her shoes. Now, that's small and that's simple, but where did she learn that? She learned that, I'm sure, from her mother, who's done the same thing. Aubrey says--now hers is probably a little bit bigger thing. She's helping refugees in her area learn how to ride public transportation. She's taken her daughter with her. She says, "I love that she has the opportunity to meet and interact with these individuals." So she's already seen the joy of service because she can see the effect on her daughter by taking her with her. And one sister--this really touched me because I think I had specifically said, "What do you do to help your children?" And she says, "I haven't had the privilege of having children yet, but I love to involve my young women, my nieces, my nephews. I love to involve them with me in serving." And then she told that they had done a few big things. But then she said, "Recently I had the opportunity to help a friend who had fallen on difficult circumstances. It was just a simple thing, but I invited her to come and have Sunday dinner. And she was very touched because most of her family's passed away." There's the one that you're talking about. She noticed her, responded, and invited her into her home. A simple thing. She was eating dinner anyway; she may as well just--anyway, I thought that was really sweet. I love that. I can't help but think there are people out there who are serving, and they are serving a lot. And they're serving in their homes, and they're serving at church, and they're serving and they're serving and they're serving. And I think there come times when they think, "I can't serve one more time." They're worn out. You're right. What can you say to those people to make it through and make it easier? I think we do have to be prayerful. I think we have to be balanced. It becomes very tricky. We have to set priorities. And then you have to think, "Where am I going to do the most good? Is it within the walls of my own home?" When we start to compare ourselves to somebody else's service, it's going to take the joy out of it, because we judge people differently than we judge ourselves. I think sometimes we're a lot harder on ourselves than others are. Only we and our Heavenly Father knows what our circumstances are. So we have to be wise and not zap ourselves of the joy of serving by comparing ourselves to someone else. I also think we have to remember--well, there's a little poem that President Monson has often used: "I have wept in the night For the shortness of sight That to somebody's need made me blind; But I never have [once] Felt a tinge of regret For being a little too kind." Now, we can guilt ourselves with that, or we can just try and evaluate our lives and say, "What is it that I need to do that is within my realms of possibility, that's not going to make me sick in bed?" We just are the only ones that can take it prayerfully to the Lord. The Lord knows our hearts. Thank heavens we're judged by the desire of our hearts. And maybe that's all we can do today, is desire to serve. But if we're in another situation, we don't want to look back and say, "Oh, I wish I had ..." Sometimes what we replace for service has no lasting impact. Sometimes we get caught up in the thick of things. But sometimes we can push ourselves a little bit more, and only we know that and Heavenly Father knows that. Nobody else can be the judge of that. We can't spend anybody else's time or their monies or their resources or anything else. We know what our health situation is. We know what our family situation is. We just need to be prayerful and do the best we can. I think that a lot of people do that. And then they feel guilty or--you said, "Don't judge yourself." Also, how important is it for us not to judge others in the circumstance, too? I think it's essential not to judge others. It's so much easier to look across the street and say, "They can do it better than I can," or "I've done my part, and they haven't done anything." Wow, that's a dangerous game to play. Again, it is joy zapping. It just takes it out of you. And so I think we have to be really careful not to judge ourselves too harshly, not to judge others too harshly. It's between us and the Lord. And I appreciated in that April conference that you specifically said, "Don't run faster than you have strength." I think that should be a lot of our mantras. It's hard to do and hard to remember. It is hard to remember. Don't run faster, but use wisdom. Use wisdom. And we're also instructed to do many things of our own free will and choice. But there is times and seasons in our lives when we can do more, and times and seasons when we can do less. And we're accountable to our Heavenly Father.

I think Heavenly Father will bless us with the desires of our hearts. I'm going to remember that. Finally, can you talk to us about the benefit it is to our children that we teach them the joy of service?

I think our children have an innate goodness about them. And I think they actually teach us more than we teach them. I recently had a birthday a couple weeks ago. And my little six-year-old grandson used all the money in his bank to buy me my favorite treat, a little package of Nibs. He knew I love Nibs. So he had observed something that I liked. He wanted to do something for me. So sometimes I think it's the reverse. I think sometimes we think that we're going to be teaching our children things, and they actually teach us. Their desires are usually pretty pure and pretty good. I think where we get tripped up is wanting it to fit into a box: "OK, I have this much time today, and I'm going to serve this way. And then I'm going to teach my children how to do this." Service is messy, and so is revelation. It takes some flexibility and a lot of mentoring. I love that you brought up mentoring. If they see us doing it, that's the best teaching we can use. Teach at all times. Use words if necessary. Also notice what they're doing. Tap into their desires of their hearts and capitalize on that, those good things. Any final thoughts for everyone out there on service today from our Relief Society General President? The words of the scriptures are a lot better than mine. In Proverbs we read, "A friend loveth at all times." John 13, "Ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another." Here's one I've been trying to say quite a bit: "God loveth a cheerful giver." In contrast to that, we always diss Martha, and I'm sorry to do it again, but Martha was "cumbered about much serving." I don't want to be known as someone that's cumbered about much serving. I want to have that cheerful heart when I'm serving, and so I don't want that to negate. And we all fall into that trap if we're not careful. "Clothe yourselves with the bond of charity." I think that if we're followers of Jesus Christ, we want to be like Him. His whole attitude was one of service and looking outside Himself. And I often wonder, we hear all the big healings and all the big things the Savior did, but I wonder how many little things went unnoticed in the scriptures. He was charity. He was the epitome of charity. And I bet there's volumes that have not been written about the touch, or about this or that, that we can do as we light up the world by trying to be a little more like Him, and the attitude that's in our heart and the joy. Because we're all brothers and sisters, and we serve because we love each other and we love our Heavenly Father, Thank you to Sister Linda K. Burton, the Relief Society General President, for joining us to share how we can serve with more joy. And thank you all for tuning in. Gospel Solutions for Families on the Mormon Channel. Subscribe to the podcast on mormonchannel.org, the Mormon Channel app, or on iTunes.