When I think about the way parents used to handle talking to their children about sexuality, things have really, really changed. Back then, I think that parents planned a time when they would have "the talk" with their children, and it was kind of a one-time thing. And you say, "Glad we got that out of the way. Now my child understands everything." That's not good enough in today's world. It's not a one-time talk anymore. We need to talk about what healthy sexuality is on a continuous basis and often.

Parents are afraid that if they talk about sexuality with their children, it might increase a kid's curiosity. But there's a lot of research that shows the exact opposite. When we take away secrecy, we sometimes mitigate curiosity. So one of the best things that parents can do is talk about sexuality with their youth. Someone's going to. If they don't, the kids at school will, or the next-door neighbor. And so we need to not be afraid and understand that actually helping your kids know what sexuality is kind of decreases their desire, because they have a better foundation of when it's appropriate to engage and why they're feeling the way they're feeling. And so it's really a protective form to have that conversation. So don't be afraid, and don't be afraid to be blunt, because kids are asking very pointed questions. Often as parents, we're kind of worried that if we bring up the topic of sexuality, it's going to stimulate our children to be curious about this or to feel sexual feelings. To be perfectly honest, sometimes that's true, and that's OK. It's sort of like saying, "Well, I'm afraid if I get behind the wheel of a car, I'm going to encourage my children to speed." Well, they have to figure that out. And better that they learn that in the context of someone's support and friendship and help and encouragement than just figuring it out on their own. There's plenty in this world to stimulate children sexually, and if the only time they have that experience is when they're completely by themselves, that may not be the most helpful thing. Many times we want to cocoon our children, to keep them safe, because we don't want to awaken anything in them that may have them turn to pornography--realizing that if we don't arm them, the world will arm them. And the world will tell them different words, and then they will be seeking the world's advice versus our own. So we need to keep an open conversation with our children. The reason that parents tend to avoid talking about sexuality with their children is, they say, "I'm afraid that I'm going to make my children overly curious about it, and then it will sort of get out of control." I often tell parents, "Doing something is better than doing nothing." So just talk about it. Just bring up the conversation. Talk to your kids and say, "Hey, this is my first time talking about sexuality with a child. You're my first child. I don't really know how to do this, but I'm going to do the best I can." That's a great start. Any time we try something for the first time, it's going to be uncomfortable, difficult, awkward. And as soon as our child feels, "Oh, wow, Mom is really scared about talking about this," or "Dad is really uncomfortable," then the child feels like "I have to protect Mom and Dad." And we don't want children feeling like they have to protect us from our own discomfort about talking about sexual things. So I recommend that parents, together, talk about it with each other. Talk about it with friends and neighbors who have children as well: "Hey, how have you discussed this with your children? What works? What doesn't work?" Practice this enough times that when you have the conversation with your child, it feels completely natural. If children have a good context for understanding healthy sexuality--if they've gotten the information that they need in a direct and honest way and with a little bit of a sense of humor and a smile on someone's face and a "We can work on this together" kind of approach--they're less likely, not more, to go try to find that information in other places that they're going to be dealing with on their own. Children are inherently curious. It's a God-given gift that they're curious. We want children to be curious, but what we want to do is channel their curiosity in healthy ways. And parents who have already been through all of the stages of sexual development and human development and, hopefully, figured some things out about how to be a healthy sexual being can help provide guidance for their children. But they can't do that if the conversation with the child is the very first conversation they've ever had about it. I remember very specifically the day my son came to me, and he said very specifically, he said, "Dad, hey, I really want to talk." And I said, "What's up?" He says, "No, no, in the office." And so we go to the office, and he says to me, "Hey, I just wanted to tell you, you know how Mom changes the channel when something sexy comes on?" I said, "Yeah, I know how Mom does that." I noted his appropriate use of the word sexy at 11. It told me he understood something was happening. I said, "Yeah, I know how Mom does that." He says, "Well, the other day I was watching TV, and something sexy came on. And I picked up the remote to change it, but I didn't change it. I watched it, and I liked it." And his head went down as if he was deeply ashamed. And he said this phrase. He said, "I think I'm addicted to calligraphy." And so this image flashed in my head of him writing and writing and not being able to stop. But I--it took me about three seconds to realize he was getting the word wrong. He was meaning to say the word pornography, and he was misinterpreting this experience that somehow he was bad. And so we had this wonderful conversation about that he wasn't bad, that his body was doing exactly what it was supposed to do. Parenting is a challenge for us all the time. We need to remember we're doing it for the first time. And with each child, it's still the first time because they're different. Parents need to understand that their children will see pornography. Not if, it's when. And with that in mind, if we open up the door earlier on, the better in terms of talking about it. Now, we're not experts, but we do know that if you can communicate with your children and it's open, then you have an opportunity to address the issues early on. Parents need not fear this topic. But the sooner we start the conversations--and frequent conversations, knowing that this temptation's real--parents will be much more successful. Parents, don't fear the topic. Fear the results of not talking about it. [MUSIC PLAYING]