10/23
Transcript

There were definitely moments where infertility started to tear us apart, and the stresses and the frustrations were just too much.

My husband and I have struggled with infertility for most of our marriage. After several years of trying for our first, we were miraculously able to conceive our son. And he was a miracle in every sense of the word, and we just loved being parents. After Max was a few years old, we wanted to continue to grow our family, and we again struggled. It was the worst kind of deja-vu. The second time around, we decided to seek out help from a fertility treatment. Before I went into the office, I just got out my phone in the car and made a really quick video. I am about to go in to the doctor and get my first IUI, and we hope it works. I hope this is the day that our baby's conceived. So a few weeks later, when I was able to take a pregnancy test, a positive showed up right away. And I immediately broke down. "Thank You, Heavenly Father. Thank You." As you can imagine, we were ecstatic. I had a hunch that it was a girl but of course didn't know for sure. And as the days went by, I started to feel movement less and less. So I went in to the doctor, but I was not worried. I knew that when they checked it, everything would be good. After a couple of minutes of looking around, she just said, "I'm so sorry. There's no heartbeat." And I remember I could hear myself crying loudly, and I heard my husband start to cry. In that exact moment that I was seeing these things, I felt my Savior literally scoop me up in His arms. "I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you." And I know that this is not just a promise to me individually. It's a promise for all of us. And I still have my moments where I feel bitter and I feel frustrated that this is part of my life, but when I remind myself to bring the Savior back into it and put my trust in Him, I am always given that peace. We went to the hospital and delivered her.

We did a small funeral for her. I didn't want anybody to come. It was really personal to us. We just each got a white balloon, and we played her song. And we let the balloons go, go up to heaven. I've since tried to figure out how to navigate through life after a tragedy, and it has been a heartbreaking experience but a huge blessing in our lives that we feel every day. I am so grateful for a Savior who loves us so much. He allows us to hurt so that He can heal us and put us together better than we were before. I think that is the definition of the Savior's grace.

Coping with Infertility and Loss

Description
Coping with Infertility and Loss can be a very hard thing to do. By His grace we can be comforted and know that we are not alone.
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