You name it, I've tried it. Traditional therapy and group therapy. And I read maybe, I don't know, 200 books. Books. I'd go to 12-step meetings. I always tried to be good, and I always went to church and read my scriptures. And I was trying. I've struggled with this since I was a kid. It's been a thing that's hounded my soul for years. I prayed like crazy. I'm asking God, "Hey, you know, I know this isn't cool. But could you just sort of take it away from me? Just help me get this under control?" [MUSIC PLAYING]

They would say, you know, "You just need to read your scriptures more and pray more, and this will go away." And I would do it for a little bit, maybe three months, and then I would stop. I would have sobriety, and I would feel great. And then I'm like, "Oh, it's gone. I'm cured." Then I would go back to it. I was like, "OK, I need to get over this. I need to get over my addiction." But then there was that small part of me that's like, "But I like it." You have a part of yourself that is going to instinctively be attracted to that. You just need to acknowledge that. You don't need to feel horrible or terrible about that. That's just normal. That's human nature. Now, what we choose to do with it after we acknowledge that and learn what, really, surrender means--that's where we become accountable for our actions. So I think if they can understand the escapist function of porn, that it's not always about sex--in fact, it's not usually about sex when it becomes this habitual thing. The relapse has more to do with, "OK, what's stressful or what's happened in his life?" My triggers are actually not specifically sexual. I started with feeling dismissed by somebody and feeling unimportant. And then the only thing that I knew would make me feel better for a short amount of time was, I would go to pornography. I would use my addiction as a coping mechanism to cope with the stresses of life, to cope with the uncertainties of life. And it almost became kind of a security for me, that whenever I'd get stressed, I would go to my addiction. Whenever I would feel uncomfortable or anxious, I would use my addiction to numb and to escape the realities of life. And it just developed into an unhealthy way of dealing with life. You know, there's a lot of research about--all addictive or compulsive behaviors really begin with an overstimulation of dopamine in the brain. And pornography is just that. It overstimulates the brain. It's an excitatory neurotransmitter. It's a brain chemical that makes us go, tells us to want. And it sends wires to the reward system of our brain. When it's given a cue for cocaine, for instance, the nucleus accumbens--that reward center, that pleasure thermostat area of the brain--lights up like a Christmas tree. When a person who is addicted to cocaine sees an image or a cue of cocaine, their brain lights up differently from someone who is not addicted. What's interesting: In the last two to three years, studies have showed physical changes in the brain in these reward areas with compulsive pornography use. The brain that lights up like a Christmas tree with cocaine for the cocaine addict also lights up like a Christmas tree for individuals that are given cues who are compulsively using pornography. There are medical and mental health issues that contribute or coexist with addiction. For example, we know that 40 to 60 percent of those struggling with compulsive sexual behavior also have a coexisting problem with substance abuse. We also know that it's common for mood disorders such as depression, anxiety, bipolar, attachment disorders, and intimacy disorders are all very commonly in this mix. And when those are not addressed, it makes it extremely difficult, if not impossible in some cases, for someone to really achieve sustainable sobriety and healing. The behavioral compulsions can also sculpt that brain, sculpt the physical structure of the brain. Recovery is a sculpting process as well. Recovery also physically changes the brain back to a more physiologic state. So we don't need to lose hope. We just need to do the work and have patience. It took two years for me to finally understand that repentance meant change. It took two years for me to finally see that there was more to repentance than telling a few people and saying a prayer. My heart needed to be very soft. My willingness level to participate in recovery had to be very high. My level of honesty had to be complete. And my willingness to do the work myself had to be in place. It can't just be this "Follow the seven steps of getting off porn," you know. It's got to be, "OK, I'm going to do those seven steps, but I know that God's got--He wants to totally give me whole new eyes, transform my eyes so that even where I look at women is different. The way I relate to my wife and those closest to me is totally different." I realized every day, I had weaknesses. I was imperfect. And so by being honest with myself and saying, "Hey, I can't overcome these. I can't overcome this addiction," it led me to rely on the merits of Jesus Christ. That's what honesty did for me. [MUSIC PLAYING]