I had a very negative self-image. I didn't know who I was. And I would lie to myself. I wasn't true to myself. "This wasn't an addiction. I wasn't doing anything wrong." There was just this skeleton in my closet. There was this part of me that I kept hidden. It would be that shame cycle, where I would feel very ashamed and I would step away. And then after a few weeks, I would go back. And this cycle continued, and it ate me up.

I had just gone through a really bad breakup. I was very depressed. I was in a very, very low place. And then I started to view harder material. And the very things that I said, "I will never do that," I started to view that. And after I would view it, this very powerful darkness settled in my soul and I started to crave it. And that's when I realized, "I can't go down this path anymore." I was afraid. I was scared out of my mind. For those that are looking to experience recovery in their life and to discover healing, they'll quickly come to the understanding that the bedrock of that recovery journey is honesty and humility. Some folks will go back and forth and say, "No, honesty comes first," and others will say humility comes first. Personally, I think they come together. I'm not sure you can ultimately have real honesty without humility, and vice versa. And a study and introspection around what honesty and humility looks like for me, for the individual going down that road of recovery, is very important. That's time well spent. The role of honesty and humility is so important because it begins to counter the shame and the secrecy that is part and parcel of addiction. And the more they can replace the shame and secrecy with honesty and humility and disclosure, and being open to the right sources about their experience--and it's not only essential that they share the negative sides of themselves. It's also critical that they share the positive side, the good side, their hopes, and their dreams. As they share those hopes and dreams with others, the shame and the secrecy begin to fade away. And it's literally replaced by those principles and those qualities of honesty and humility. So by being self-honest, I was able to access the Atonement daily, because I realized every day I had weaknesses. By acknowledging that, I allowed the Savior to come in. And as I started to go in recovery and get longer sobriety and really be in recovery, I started to heal. My brain started to heal. The way I thought started to change. Instead of just ignoring my feelings, I would pay attention to them. And then I would try to find remedies that would help my current situation. After I started to experience the small miracles of the Savior, I started to realize, "Hey, I'm worth it. Jesus Christ performed the Atonement for me. Heavenly Father is answering me. He's given me these tools." I started to realize that I have self-worth. Success is progress; progress is success. And sometimes people feel like the only success is total success at the end, but there's also success along the way. And I think just progress in having greater and greater self-control and choosing the right more and more often, a steady striving in the right direction. Even with failure, if you're striving, the Lord respects that. And He's willing to forgive when we repent each time if one is consistent in working on it. It becomes a sort of periodic struggle. You go from constant battle to kind of on guard, and you have a skirmish from time to time, but it's not a constant battle. I said on one occasion, "One's very heart and desires change, and the once-appealing sin becomes increasingly abhorrent." That's the picture of success, and it doesn't happen overnight. It comes over time. But as you feel yourself becoming a morally excellent person, that's success.