I slipped into relapse seeing a pornographic movie. I made the choice to see it and, at that point, also made the choice to not talk about it. And I wasn't going to talk about it, because I would never go back there. That's what I said to myself. "OK, I've slipped. I know better than this. I'm not going to go back there. And I'm not going to talk about it, because I'm not going to burden my wife or anybody else with this one-time slip." And of course, that was not true. [MUSIC PLAYING]

I had a slip. So I kept that one silent, that slip. And then it happened again. And I kept that one silent. And it happened again until I was pretty much back into the habit of viewing pornography. There are slips along the way for most people that struggle with this. And for somebody that's very genuine and very interested in healing and is super sincere about this, that's going to be devastating to them. And they're going to feel horrible, and they're going to be convinced that this is impossible. I had felt like I'd blown it to the point where, "I had my chance at recovery. Now it's just pretty much--I've got to stick this one out to the grave." I think that's the fear that we have, is that it's all over if it happens again. One of the things they talk about in the 12-step program is that slip-ups or mess-ups are part of the recovery process. I think it's really important to be clear in how we talk about the differences between limited terms like "sobriety" and the process of recovery. So it's not either "I'm either good or bad." It's "I am in process." We've agreed that if there's a slip or something happens, that I'll let her know within 24 hours. It's scary. It's scary having to go through that process again. But she's been super helpful in saying, "OK, well, what happened? What can we do different?" And if I have screwed up, I need to tell her. I need to do that because that's why I'm where I am. I mean, it's my choice. We're so much more happy, and I'm so much more happy. I have that clear conscience, if you will. And we understand that it's a process. And in accepting that, accepting that it's not, "Oh, I have dealt with this for 15 years; I'm going to be changed the next day"--it's hard to accept that that's not the reality. But understanding that it is a process, and being OK and being able to communicate, is just--opening those doors has helped me the most. So I felt like if I could just bring myself to speak the truth and know that maybe my obituary could say something like, "He spoke the truth and had redemption in his heart, and God did something amazing with his life and with his family and changed things around," that there could be a new story that was written in my heart.