He had this addiction. Our marriage was just really struggling. I was pregnant and working, and things were just--everything was falling apart. I was just--I was livid. I was just so angry and so hurt. I felt numb, so confused. And I felt like I couldn't even feel the ground underneath me.

As I look back now, I recognize that his first disclosure to me, I was in shock. I didn't know that's what it was. But as I've worked with other women now and see the symptoms of what this does to us as women, I look back to that young mom and go, "That woman was in shock." And I asked him questions, and it began to sink in that yes, this was real. He wasn't just joking. He had a real problem. When she finds out about her husband's problem--that it was pornography or another woman or something like that--that part of her that was so open and trusting and vulnerable, that disappears. The next day I cried a lot, and I realized that my girls were not being taken care of. They literally didn't have a mom. I remember trying to cry, because I knew I needed to cry, but I couldn't. At about 5:00 in the morning, I finally fell asleep because I prayed to fall asleep. It wasn't going to happen on my own. It's so damaging because what she thought was real now has been called into question. And you're supposed to be connected with them when you're in public. You're supposed to act like things are fine. And so they're living, in a lot of ways, just trapped in this place of, "I'm supposed to rely on you, I'm supposed to believe you, but nothing in my body says that I can trust even what I feel or what I believe." And so this is where they get stuck, and it creates a crisis. And so for her, as she needs to learn and understand that this is really very real, first of all, she's not going crazy. It's very normal to go through that kind of reaction or response. Then learn how to work through her emotions so that she has outlets to go to, people to talk to, so that she's also not dealing with this in hiding, that she is getting the support system she needs. The next few days were very rough on me, and I cried a lot. And I quickly realized that I couldn't live like this and that I wasn't going to live like this. And I recognized, several years into his recovery, that I needed my own recovery and that my own recovery was spiritually based. This was an opportunity for me to say, "I'm good with who I am because I know God loves me, and He's good with who I am." But I also have to be true to what I believe. I have to be true in my own behaviors, and I have to expect respect in my marriage and set appropriate boundaries to keep myself safe. And coming out of this fire, this refinement fire, I hope, has made me a different person--hopefully, a better person.