I was shocked. I mean, just shocked. I honestly--really, it was so ignorant of me to not know this, but I really didn't think active, righteous, good LDS men dealt with this. It just blew my mind. I was mad and sad and every emotion you can literally think of except for the good ones like happy and smiling. But it was very difficult. And I remember, just that night, not knowing what to do. Not knowing if I should change in front of him, if I should sleep in the same bed as him, if I should--what I should do. I remember I just went out in the car and sobbed. All of those things are OK. There's nothing wrong with any of those feelings. They're not crazy for all the things they're feeling; that's a typical response. It isn't that they're doing something wrong--they didn't do something to deserve this--that it's just an emotional response. And it's OK to be upset and sad and angry and have that whole crazy mix of feelings that you have when your spouse is using pornography.

Betrayal trauma is a very shattering, disorienting, and destabilizing experience for someone. And how we define that is when someone that we are close to, someone that we depend on and that we're in close attachment to, a primary relationship--when someone in that type of relationship violates our trust in a very critical way, that's how we typically define betrayal trauma. It can be really, really tough. And to accept--you know what? It's OK to, some days, feel like soaking in a hot tub and just crying. It's OK to sometimes just want to scream. All of those things are OK. There's nothing wrong with any of those feelings. You want to handle them appropriately, but they're all typical when you find out about that kind of betrayal. It is overwhelming, and yet life goes on. All of our other roles as parents or in professions, whatever it may be, those continue. And so it's critical to take good care of yourselves, to perhaps simplify life in any way that you can, to offload things that may not be crucial and essential at that point in time. We as women--one of the first things that goes is our divine identity when someone is struggling. We take it very personally. We're stronger than we think, but we get fragile when something goes wrong. And to overcome that, we just need to remember. We need to remember who we are. We need to remember that in the heavens, before we came, we were found equal to the tasks that were going to be ours in this mortal sphere. And if we can remember that our Heavenly Father loves us and that we are His, He can heal us--every one, no matter what it is. That is my testimony. And He did it out of love for His Father and out of love for us. And so to show our love for Him, we can choose this minute, this hour, this day to choose Him. As we do so, we'll find the peace that we're seeking. He will dry every tear from our eyes.