I didn't talk to anybody. I didn't tell anybody. What I did was, I went to graduate school. I didn't feel that I could reach out to friends. I didn't even think of talking to anyone. I just thought this was something we had to deal with together. I never considered that anyone was going through something similar. [MUSIC PLAYING]

I felt so ashamed and so embarrassed that we were going through this experience, and I didn't want to talk to anybody about it, because certainly we were the only ones. So I didn't want to open that communication, because it was all going to go away. He was going to get help. We were going to get fixed. And then we didn't ever have to talk about it again. I was afraid to reach out to my family because I felt like maybe they wouldn't like him anymore. And this was a man that I loved, and I didn't want my family to have any ill feelings towards him. Most women will naturally go into silence, and they're so overwhelmed. They're humiliated. And this becomes a reflection on them. Even though it's not her fault, she still carries the couple's shame and wants to protect him and protect herself. She doesn't think anybody will ever understand why on earth she would want to stay with him. I never would have gone to someone else, because I was so protective of his reputation. Didn't want anyone thinking badly of him. I think the only way it could have worked is for our friends to come to us, because when someone was there and saying, "I'm willing to talk," I was, "OK, we can, but it'll just be awful." Not having a girlfriend that I'd say, "I just feel this way in my marriage. What do you think of that?" was, I think, just isolating. We can help each other out of that pain and into something more joyous and happy and hopeful. Even if I have friends who are not spouses of pornography addicts, if they understand what it means to use the Atonement, we can help each other out and we can relate to each other. And we did talk, and it was a lot of saying, "Me too. Me too." And she went home, and the weeks went by. And it seems like in my mind, I would want to go back to that dark corner. I'd want to go back to the shame and the guilt and the fear. And I would try to go back there in my mind, and then I would realize it's not there. It's gone. And I realized that talking to her had swept out that dark corner. It's incredibly helpful even when you think it's not going to be helpful.