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Transcript

I didn't even think of talking to anyone. It was never even something that, "Maybe I should do that. I don't want to." No, it never crossed my mind. Never considered that anyone was going through something similar. It's embarrassing to think that your husband is not loving you. Anything I did feel weird about, you just don't talk about. I think one of Satan's biggest ploys is that if he can make us think that nobody else is experiencing what we're experiencing, nobody will understand us. And that's not the case at all. [MUSIC PLAYING] This is such a sensitive issue when pornography is ravaging homes. We want to keep it quiet because we're embarrassed. We're ashamed. We feel, again, as if it's our fault. But when we have shared it with someone or when someone is aware, I think the compassion in our heart's on the other end of it. We can think, "What would I want someone to do for me to show compassion? To show understanding? How can I help strengthen a sister?" The first person that I talked to was actually our home teacher's wife. She was actually my visiting teacher as well. Her husband and my husband had talked and said that they had this thing in common. Then she sent me a message and said, "I want to talk to you. You've been married a long time. You know how to deal with this." I was like, "I don't, actually. I don't." As I was talking to her, I just thought, "This isn't going to help. This isn't solving the problem. He needs to be better; then I will be better. Talking about it won't do anything." But weeks after, I just felt so much better. Finding that safe group of people, like his 12-step group and my women's group, it is so much more fulfilling to be able to talk to somebody who's been in your shoes, who understands. [MUSIC PLAYING] And just being able to meet with these women and talk about our shameful feelings about how we feel inadequate because of our husbands' problem was really helpful. I didn't feel so much that I was somehow at fault, because that was initially a thought--that I wasn't good enough. That's what we needed to not feel ashamed anymore, is someone who knew and still loved us. And that really got me started on, "Well, we have to find everyone else. We have to find all the other people, all the other women like me, that thought they could never talk about this and aren't even considering talking to anyone. We have to go find them." Regardless of where our pain is rooted in, the solution is the same. And we can help each other out of that pain and into something more joyous and happy and hopeful. Even if I have friends who are not spouses of pornography addicts, if they understand what it means to use the Atonement, we can help each other out and we can relate to each other. We need to work in unity. Who do we work in unity with when we talk about an issue like this? We start on our knees. We start in prayer to our Heavenly Father and ask Him for strength for this day or this minute or this second. Wherever we are on that spectrum, we can start there. Then maybe we can reach out and ask the Holy Ghost to help inspire us. Then maybe when we're strong enough, we can reach out to a bishop, to a trusted friend, to someone that can help us.

Reach Out

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How to reach out to others for help when dealing with the effects of a spouse's pornography use
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