0/48
Transcript

[MUSIC PLAYING] I was called wannabe, fake, anorexic, bones, ashy legs, burnt chocolate. And I was called a dog a couple times. I was called the N-word.

I didn't grow up in a rich family or wealthy family. But my family had a lot of faith in God that everything we needed, we'd have. And so although we didn't have the money necessarily, the hope of having the Spirit, of having God with us, is what shone--made it appear like we had a lot, because we did, spiritually. And so the kids thought that I thought I was better than others. Or I tried to keep certain principles because my family had standards for me. And for that reason they excluded me, and they would call me names, or no one would want to sit with me on the bus. After being bullied for so long, I started getting depressed. My confidence went down. And when my confidence went down emotionally, my confidence also went down spiritually. I wasn't happy with myself. I didn't feel like I was worth anything.

My parents weren't home. I've tried to call everyone who considered themselves as my friend. And no one answered. I called about 13 people. Not a single person answered. And I could honestly remember feeling alone in that moment. And the pain went from mentally to emotionally. I could feel it in my bones, and it turned physically painful. When I pleaded to God for help, I didn't honestly receive an answer right away. I felt the Spirit of God come upon me and say, "You know what? Just watch and see what I do." If God comes and answers your prayers right away, what kind of strength are you going to obtain? I felt that I still had a plan in my life, I still had a purpose in my life--that my whole life isn't based on the past, but if I look forward, going with faith in God and no fear of failure, that I can make the impossible possible. There were moments of grace where I felt God's hand in my life, maybe three seconds of hope. Sometimes just a wink of an eye--I was like, "OK, maybe I can get through this." But minutes later, I still felt depressed. I felt like, "What's going on? What's triggering me to feel like this?" It took discipline, and it took acceptance of realizing, "OK, maybe this is a part of me right now. Maybe I can't feel as happy as I want to for as long as I want to. But that's OK because true happiness comes from knowing that I'm still OK and that I can do this." And once I learned to accept that, that's when God started giving me a little bit smaller pieces, but larger pieces of hope and comfort. Those three seconds turned to six seconds. I still struggle with things. But I realize that from seeing how much God has increased His grace--from the three seconds to the six seconds to going a couple of days of feeling fine--I know that I'm constantly progressing in this journey. Having the Lord with me, I feel protection, I feel security, I feel warmth, I feel peace, and I feel stable. There are a ton of times where I find it hard to pray. Sometimes I have to acknowledge that I'm not going to always be perfect when it comes to prayer. Sometimes I'm so tired or feel like I'm dying on the inside, that when I have to say a prayer to my God, sometimes I'm just like, "I hate this day," or "I can't believe I'm here. Amen to that." But I do realize that I'm going to get better one day, that I may not be in the place where I want to be right now. But in the future, I can make it. I can get to the place where I desire to be. And as long as I'm working towards getting there in that moment, it'll happen. [MUSIC PLAYING]

Bullying and Thoughts of Suicide

Description
JaQuavious grew up in a humble family, but they felt rich when it came to faith in God. That faith has sustained JaQuavious in the darkest moments of his life.
tags

Related Collections