And so, yeah, my foundation was completely shattered. It was

totally unexpected.

My dad was my best friend. We were super close in many ways. He was like a hero to me.

So when my dad was arrested,

to say it was a shock is an understatement.

He had a relationship with a student; he was a high school teacher.

He betrayed what he had always taught me and who I thought he was. I felt a lot of shame in the beginning,

because it was all over the news. And and I somehow felt like his actions were a reflection of me.

I don’t, I mean, it’s really hard to put into words, honestly.

The the shame that you feel I felt for a long time, like I didn't want to keep going. I, I was exhausted.

I was mentally, emotionally, physically exhausted. And I didn't want to leave the house.

I didn't want to do any of the things I was responsible for. That was hard. I didn't want to feel so heavy. I didn't want to keep going like that.

I get a phone call, and it was my dad, and I was standing in my kid’s toy room, and

it was such a surreal experience to be on the phone with my dad surrounded by toys,

and this is the first time we've talked.

He was talking to me from jail.

It was really hard to reconcile the person I knew as my father

and this person who had done this thing. When I chose to focus on the man I knew as my father,

that was when I focused on what was I grateful for, what were the good things? What were the good moments?

What were the good memories?

I can get back this family vacation, and I can get back.

this performance that I was in that you came to. I can get back this time I sang with you in church, and I can get back.

This book that we talked about. I can get back all of the good and not focus on the bad,

because that was miserable.

Having the foundation of the gospel in my life, growing up as a kid, I was taught to love, I was taught to forgive.

I was taught about Christ’s example. And none of the people that he took extra time for, that he cared for, that he loved, that he forgave, they weren’t perfect.

And so I knew what forgiveness was; I knew what it looked like. And I knew who should be forgiven— not the perfect people.

The people that are forgiven are the people that are making big, giant mistakes

and little ones. I mean, He forgives all of us, which is so amazing.

But if I didn’t have a relationship with my Savior

when this happened,

my suffering would have been deeper,

and it would have been longer.

Forgiving him doesn't mean that you're OK with his actions. It means that you're not going to dwell on his actions and focus on his actions and define him by this one action.

It takes time to forgive.

It wasn’t instant. You know, it was a different process for each of us. I think that’s the key word: it was a process.

It took actual work to get to a place of forgiveness.

It didn't just happen because time had passed.

And that might happen for some people.

For me, I didn’t, I didn’t want to wait,

hoping that someday I’d feel it, because it felt heavy.

And so I worked at it. I worked really hard

by calling him, by visiting him, by not completely severing that time, praying a lot,

by turning to my Savior, asking for strength, asking for comfort,

asking to just get through the day sometimes. I would pray to see the good and to, you know,

recognize what I was grateful for.

And I think that's how forgiveness worked for me.

It came because I was looking for it.

It came because I was working for it.

We were best friends.

We didn’t let little things bother us, because we didn't know how long we had together.

And I just wanted to give him the best life that I could

And for as long as he had on the earth.