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Transcript

I personally believe there's no greater gift than to be able to pause time and capture time and remember. I think that it's a true, true gift. Yes. And our family--I have loved photos. I have been documenting ever before--even before I had kids and since I've had kids. Today is actually a significant day in our family because it's our second son's birthday, his 21st birthday, today. But this particular son we lost about five years ago. Almost five years ago he passed away. And I'll show you; I have a picture here. Yeah. Show us a picture and say his name. So this is Cory. And he's beautiful. And this is his sophomore picture in high school, a handsome kid. Just got his braces off. He was looking good. And in 2015, he passed away from suicide. I can't even tell you how precious the photos are. Because suicide--it's not about the suicide. It's about the person. And so remembering who he is and who he was and the fun, loving, wonderful things, that's what we want to remember. That's what we want to cherish. And that's what we want to write down. And I'll be completely honest with you. I mean I documented a lot of his life through scrapbooking. And when he passed away, it got really hard for me to write about it. Oh, painful. Of course, of course. I've been working to get back to being able to kind of continue that documenting process. But it's taken me, personally, a long time to get back to a creative--and a place where I wanted to celebrate life and celebrate all the things, because it just got to be about times when we were missing Cory. The thing that was very sustaining and very difficult is just the fact that we had these photos. From the time he was little, there was this photo, photo, photo. It was hard for me as a mom to believe that my happy-go-lucky child had made this choice. And I remember thinking to myself, "I don't think I can talk about this. I don't think I can tell this story." I can remember trying to think of a lie, a plausible lie, that I could tell about the situation. But the greatest healing has come from telling his story. And that is what I believe about all things that are hard, in particular. So we have healing and we have celebrating and we have learning. And such powerful, important learning has come from Cory's tragedy for our family and, hopefully, for many other people. I think that this specific pandemic that we are in, so much learning can come, so much learning about what is most important, about what we truly value, about how we can lift and support and carry one another. And overall, above all and--if I may, I believe that God believes in documenting. I believe that that's why He gives us this experience. So it's not just for one of us, or for a small group of us, but so it's for everyone.

Heidi Swapp: Pausing Time and Looking Back

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Content Warning: Please note that this video talks about sensitive topics, such as suicide, that may be uncomfortable for some viewers. Heidi shares her gratitude that she’s able to look back on her son that has passed away.
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