Some of us may feel judged or insecure when we attend church.
We might even struggle to go because we have weaknesses that make us feel vulnerable or ashamed to even attend.
In fact, I'll tell you a true story that illustrates this exact point.
In my early 30s, I wanted to become more faithful in the gospel. At the time, I was doing a lot of good things on my own, like praying, reading the scriptures. I also wanted to attend the temple because of my love for the Savior. But it was something I couldn't do because
I was addicted to cigarettes.
I started when I was 12 and continued into adulthood.
I became dependent on smoking as comfort during difficult times in my life.
I did it so much I couldn't figure out how to attend church without taking at least a few smoke breaks during the services, and I certainly didn't want to come back in the building smelling like a chimney. The last thing I wanted in this vulnerable time in my life was to be somewhere I felt like I didn't belong.
For a while, I just dealt with my private battle by avoiding church altogether. It felt so much easier to create informal church services by listening to spiritual talks or parking outside the temple to try to feel the Holy Ghost. But as time went on, I knew I'd have an easier time changing my behavior if I attended church. If for no other reason, I wanted Jesus Christ to know I was trying. So despite my struggles, I went. Well, that first Sunday was rough.
In fact, I didn't even last the first hymn before needing a smoke,
so I just left. I remember driving home wondering how I was going to do this. But one day, as I again left church early to go across the street to smoke, I had a bizarre thought. What if I didn't go home after this? What if I went back to church?
Could I seriously just go across the street whenever I needed to smoke?
I felt like being at church, despite my weaknesses, would be far better than staying away. Smoke breaks at church? I thought, That's weird. But to my surprise, it felt like the better option rather than going home. I started out doing pretty well.
The following Sunday, even making it through a song this time.
But it wasn't long before I needed to smoke. So putting my jacket on and pulling up the collar like a spy, I snuck through the halls and out of the building, walking across the street, hiding behind a brick wall, and lighting up.
Ah, I felt so much better.
Faith and cigarettes can co-exist, right? Well, this went on for several years. I kept going to church, taking smoke breaks when I needed them. It was a long road. But you know what?
Over time, two interesting things happened.
The first was that the more I attended church, the more I felt the Spirit.
Even with my strange arrangement, I felt closer to God because I was truly doing my best. The second thing I noticed was that despite having moments when fellow members saw me smoking or smelled smoke at church, people were mostly pretty respectful. In fact, I feel like I judged them far worse than they ever ended up judging me. Thankfully, most seem glad I was trying so hard.
When I look back on that struggle, I realize how deeply God loves me. He doesn't care if I'm perfect when I walk through the chapel doors. In fact, no one who comes through those doors is.
Elder Uchtdorf once said that the Church isn’t an automobile showroom. It's more like a service center where vehicles in need of repair come from maintenance and rehabilitation. So here’s a question:
How often does a car need a tune up?
We're covering a lot of mileage in a short amount of time these days.
Maybe your brakes are squeaky and could use some adjustment.
Maybe a nail jumped up and gave you a flat.
Maybe your windshield took a rock and you're having a hard time seeing clearly.
It could be something fairly minor or totally major,
or perhaps your battery died. I mean, a lot can happen in a week.
You can get scuffed, dinged, scratched, even sideswiped. But it's okay. We're all in need of constant repairs, which is why we are given a savior. He can help all of us reach our goals. And mine was getting to the temple.
God knows you. He knows your effort and loves you for it. He just asks you to return and return and keep on returning. He'll gladly work on you for as long as you're on the road.
So don't shy away from the very thing that can help you the most.
You know, there's probably a very good reason why it's called a church service.