Why I Choose to Stay
2024 BYU Women’s Conference
Thursday, May 2, 2024
It is such an honor to be with all of you this afternoon. Thank you for coming! I want to begin by sharing an experience I had two weeks ago in Roosevelt, Utah. I had an assignment to speak at a combined leadership conference and YSA devotional with Elder Patrick Kearon. In between the meetings, the Area Seventy took us to a special place called Thompsen House of Hope—a faith-based addiction recovery residence for men.
We had a very special and sacred experience while we were there. These are men who have been in and out of jail and in and out of rehab—some having started using drugs or alcohol in their early teen years. Some are married with children, some are single, some are young, some are older. About 170 men have been through the program.
Some of the men had grown up with parents who were drug dealers. Some of them had parents who died from drug overdoses. Some had grown up in the Church, had gone on missions but then had lost their way after coming home. There were many differing and difficult circumstances they had each faced, and they had tried to find relief, solace, and hope in drugs and alcohol.
There were 10 men in residence when we went. We were able to meet together with them and hear their stories and their feelings about where they are now and their relationship to Christ. It was beautiful to hear them witness of Christ’s power to heal and to hear them speak of the joy and sense of belonging they felt that some of them had never experienced before. One after another, they each in their own way bore witness of the power of prayer, the power of scripture, and the power of the Savior in their lives.
The next morning at a special stake conference I was assigned to speak at, many of those men were in attendance, all sitting on the second row. Some were with their wives, and all were dressed in shirts and ties. Before the meeting started, I watched President King, the stake president, go to where they were sitting and hug each one before the meeting started. I had the privilege of being able to watch their faces during the talks, and I saw some of them get visibly emotional as they heard testimony of the Savior and His atoning sacrifice. And as we all sang the closing hymn, “I Stand All Amazed,” I watched as some of them became so overcome with emotion they couldn’t continue to sing.
Mike was one who became emotional during that hymn. The day before, I learned from President King that Mike had begun using drugs as a 14-year-old to deal with extreme anxiety and ADHD. Mike had been through the temple at some point before coming to Thompsen House for addiction recovery. His bishop had sent his garments with him, but Mike had no interest in wearing them. However, he was touched by the Spirit while watching my general conference talk two weeks earlier as I spoke of the symbolism of the garment. Afterward, he asked the assistant residential manager to print the talk off for him so he could read it. And Mike decided to begin wearing his garments again. This is a picture that I took with Mike.
As we visited with the men that day, sitting in a circle, listening to their stories, the stake president asked Mike about his decision to begin wearing his garments again. When we arrived at the facility, we had shaken each person’s hand before the meeting started, but Mike didn’t realize that I was the one who had given that talk in conference. When President King told Mike that I was there and asked him to share his experience, he became a bit emotional. He said that even though he hadn’t wanted to wear his garments because he felt hot in them, he wanted to symbolically put on Christ because of his gratitude for what Christ had done for him.
There are no coincidences. That day, Mike gained a witness that His Father in Heaven knew him and loved him, no matter where he was on his journey of faith. I was assigned to Roosevelt that weekend not just because a General Officer needed to be there—any one of us nine sisters could have been assigned—but Mike needed to know how much the Savior loved him and that he was aware of his sacrifice. Through this experience, I gained an added witness that our Father in Heaven and our Savior knows each one of us by name, loves each one of us, and ministers to each one of us in an individual way.
Many of those men were members of the Church and had left but have now returned. They have all gained a deeper testimony of the power of the Savior to rescue them and have felt His kindness and love for them, as we sing in a beloved hymn, “Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing”:
Jesus sought me when a stranger,
Wandering from the fold of God;
He, to rescue me from danger,
Interposed His precious blood;
How His kindness yet pursues me
Mortal tongue can never tell,
Clothed in flesh, till death shall loose me
I cannot proclaim it well.
I know some of you have loved ones that have left the Church, or are considering leaving, or may have chosen a path that you know will lead to heartache, such as these men have experienced. But I witness to you that the Savior knows them, He loves them, and He will not leave them. He takes the long view and never gives up on any of us. He will put people in their paths that can help them, and He can ultimately turn all things to their good, even the types of things these men have experienced.
Through His atoning sacrifice, the Savior paid the tuition for our education here in mortality, and that education includes the opportunity to “retest” again and again, as many times as it takes.
I’m sure there are some here who are feeling sadness, anxiety, and maybe fear because of the choices some of your children or other loved ones are making. Can I offer some advice? Trust your Heavenly Father. He knows your loved one personally and knows how to help them according to their individual needs. He takes the long view. He is not full of anxiety and fear because of their choices. Each of them is His beloved child.
He knows best how to help them turn back to Him, which people to put in their path, what experiences will help them. He can work for their best good much more effectively than any of us ever could. Sometimes that may take years, even an entire lifetime, and sometimes it may take until after this life. Often, God’s ways might look far different than something you would have thought of. But His ways are higher than our ways. You can trust Him, and you can trust His plan for your loved ones. His love for them is even greater than yours is.
For those who have left the path, the most important thing you can do is to keep loving them and keep the relationship with them strong, if it’s in your power to do so. The prodigal son’s father, who is a type or symbol of the character of our Heavenly Father, kept his heart full of love and his arms wide open. He watched for his son and ran to him when he saw him returning home. Keep your heart and arms wide open as well. There is no influence when there is no relationship. Keep your family relationship as strong as you can; it’s what the Lord wants us to do.
Your loved ones know what you believe; they know the standards you live by. You do not need to preach to them. But as they feel your genuine love and care for them, despite their choices, their hearts will be more open to feel the Savior’s love and the Spirit’s gentle guidance in their lives. Allow Him to work with them. He knows best how to lead them home from wherever they may be. Keep an open, loving relationship with them if it is in your power to do so. Miracles can happen. Trust the Lord, and trust His timing.
Now, why do I choose to stay? To speak to that, let me share another verse of that same beloved hymn:
O to grace how great a debtor
Daily I’m constrained to be!
Let Thy goodness, like a fetter,
Bind my wandering heart to Thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here’s my heart, O take and seal it,
Seal it for Thy courts above.
Because of our fallen natures and the circumstances of mortality we find ourselves in, we are all prone to wander away from the God we knew and loved in our premortal existence. It’s just the nature of mortality. And so He has given us ways to keep us safely anchored to Him, to seal our hearts to Him, and to help us move as safely as possible through this minefield of mortality.
We all know what minefields are, don’t we? During the world wars, and even now, the enemy would hide mines, or explosives, underground that were not visible. There were large fields with hidden mines, and the opposing army would come through and march onto those minefields and be blown up.
After the wars, there were thousands of unexploded mines left, and many, including children and animals, lost their lives or limbs when they went into those areas, unaware that there were hidden explosives under the ground. There are organizations dedicated to locating and marking the mines in those minefields, and that has saved many lives.
Mortality is like a minefield. The adversary is very good at disguising dangers to look harmless and inviting. He has had thousands of years of experience doing this, and he is very good at what he does. He’s very good at making the paths that can lead to dangerous outcomes and heartache look like an inviting garden stroll.
Our Father in Heaven knows how to keep us safe, and He has marked the path that will bring us safely home. Of course, there are plenty of dangers and difficulties that we will go through on the journey of mortality because that is the nature of this mortal experience. But there are things we can avoid that would bring us needless burdens and heartache. That is why our Father has given us commandments, the gift of the Holy Ghost, prophets to guide us, and powerful covenant connections with Him and our Savior through temple ordinances and covenants. Only here in the restored Church of Jesus Christ do we find all those powerful markers and safeguards that can safely guide us home.
Let me say a few things about the blessing of having modern-day prophets. The story is told of a member of the First Presidency, President Hugh B. Brown, who earlier had a conversation with a member of the British House of Commons who had formerly served as a justice in England’s supreme court. After hearing this man say that he believed God had not spoken to man on earth since the first century, President Brown taught him about Joseph Smith and the prophets who had succeeded him.
The judge sat and listened intently. He then asked some very pointed and searching questions, and at the end of their discussion he said, “Mr. Brown, I wonder if your people appreciate the import of your message. Do you?’ If what you have told me is true, it is the greatest message that has come to this earth since the angels announced the birth of Christ.”
God calls prophets because He loves His children. Through His servants, the prophets, He has revealed His plan of salvation, His plan of happiness to guide His children. The Lord can show prophets, seers, and revelators things others cannot see. As Sheri Dew said in a recent talk at BYU–Hawaii, “prophets can see around corners.” They are watchmen on the tower who can see afar off and sound a warning call to all those who will listen, often years in advance. They have a vantage point we do not have because of their communication with God as His authorized servants. It is of vital importance that we all gain deep, personal testimonies of our current prophets, seers, and revelators.
It is getting much harder to discern what is truth in our world today. There are so many voices coming from so many directions—Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, Twitter (X), podcasts, cable news, and on and on. And now with artificial intelligence, or AI, rapidly coming on the scene, it is going to become even harder to discern what is true and what is not or even what is real! Deceitful deepfake videos can make it appear that someone has said or done something that they haven’t actually said or done. It is going to be extremely hard to discern what is truth in the years to come.
Do you remember what our prophet, President Russell M. Nelson, said in his first conference talk as President of the Church in April 2018? He said:
“I am optimistic about the future. … But I am also not naive about the days ahead. We live in a world that is complex and increasingly contentious. The constant availability of social media and a 24-hour news cycle bombard us with relentless messages. If we are to have any hope of sifting through the myriad of voices and the philosophies of men that attack truth, we must learn to receive revelation.
“Our Savior and Redeemer, Jesus Christ, will perform some of His mightiest works between now and when He comes again. We will see miraculous indications that God the Father and His Son, Jesus Christ, preside over this Church in majesty and glory. But in coming days, it will not be possible to survive spiritually without the guiding, directing, comforting, and constant influence of the Holy Ghost. …
“I plead with you to increase your spiritual capacity to receive revelation. … Choose to do the spiritual work required to enjoy the gift of the Holy Ghost and hear the voice of the Spirit more frequently and more clearly.”
In the Old Testament book of Amos 3:7 we read: “Surely the Lord God will do nothing, but he revealeth his secret unto his servants the prophets.” As the voices of the world get louder and louder and more and more convincing, we each need to be able to hear the quiet voice of the Spirit more frequently and more clearly so that we can more clearly hear and follow the direction of the Lord through our current prophets.
In both the New Testament and the Book of Mormon we read that God is the same yesterday, today, and forever. God loves his children in our day just as much as He loved His children in ancient times, and because He loves His children, He does now what he did then—marking the minefield of mortality with commandments to keep us on the safe road, prophets to sound the warning voice as they see dangers ahead, and priesthood covenants to connect us more securely to God.
There is a video I love that illustrates the importance of having divine guidance through our lives and the blessing of having a Savior. As you watch, think about it in relation to the blessing of having prophets on the earth today.
[Video: “Daily Restoration”]
I have been a member of this Church since I was baptized at the age of eight. From the time I was a little girl, I always believed in my Heavenly Father and knew I could talk to Him. I was blessed with the gift of faith, and as I grew I don’t think I ever questioned God’s existence or the truths of the gospel.
However, when I was in my late 20s, I went through a period of time that was quite terrifying to me. A year or two before my husband was called as bishop, I went through a period of deep depression, and during that time, it was as if the reality that God existed was suddenly gone. I can’t fully explain the feeling other than to say I felt completely lost. I had always known He was there and that I could go to Him during trials and difficult times. But during that time, I no longer knew if He existed. I had never experienced anything like that before in my life, and it felt like my whole foundation was crumbling.
I don’t remember how long it took to work my way back to a real sense of believing that God existed, but I do know that at some point I had to make a choice to believe even when I still felt uncertain. Once I was out of the worst of the depression, it got easier to continue making that choice, even though I still wasn’t sure God existed. But making that choice to believe helped me begin to see God’s hand again in my life, something that had always been there but that I had unknowingly blocked out of my awareness. That experience was one of many times I have had to walk through so-called “mists of darkness,” or a dark night of the soul, as some would say.
I know that there are times in each of our lives when it’s hard to feel certain about anything. There are times when we have questions or experience challenges to our faith, which is a natural part of our mortal journey. Those times can happen for many different reasons. But I believe the key to moving forward with faith during times of uncertainty is to stay firmly connected to our Savior, Jesus Christ. That will sometimes require choosing to believe He is there and that He cares, even when the heavens seem silent.
We were sent to this earth to learn to walk by faith. We won’t always feel certain as we walk the path of faith. Faith is choosing to believe in something or someone that we cannot see. There will seldom be hard evidence as we walk by faith. If there were hard evidence, if we could see it, if there were complete certainty, then we would be walking by knowledge, not by faith.
Faith is a choice. Faith will always have to be a choice. There will seldom be enough evidence to compel us to believe, because our Father in Heaven does not want to invalidate our agency. He wants us to freely choose Him, not be forced to choose Him because of undeniable evidence.
Our faith in Jesus Christ will increase in power and depth as we exercise our agency and choose for ourselves to believe in God, in His love for us, and in His divine plan to bring us home. And then over time we will begin to see additional confirmations and feel additional assurances as we continue to move forward. Gradually we will come to “know” for ourselves, not because of evidence we can show to others but because of a deep witness of the Spirit, a knowing that cannot be explained with words. Or, as we read in Alma 32, that seed of faith that we planted in our hearts, even if it began with just a “desire to believe, … begin[s] to enlarge [our] souls[,] … begin[s] to enlighten [our] understanding, [and] begin[s] to be delicious to [us],” and our faith increases.
You’ve probably heard the saying “I’ll believe it when I see it” or “seeing is believing.” But in spiritual matters, the opposite is true: seeing is not believing, but believing is seeing, because as we choose to walk forward into the darkness, the Light will come. That Light is Jesus Christ, and that Light will be delicious to our souls!
Why do I choose to stay? Because in the restored gospel of Jesus Christ, I have a solid rod of iron that will guide me through the mists of darkness of mortality as I hold fast to it. That rod of iron is the Word of God—capital W, Word of God—Jesus Christ Himself. And if I put my faith in Him and allow Him to, He will guide me safely home through the whisperings of the Holy Ghost; through ancient and modern scripture; through the voices of modern prophets, seers, and revelators; and through the deep connections with Him and my Father in Heaven made possible by temple ordinances and covenants.
Just as many of the men we met at the Thompsen House of Hope discovered after leaving the God they loved and now having returned, nowhere else is there such an abundance of guidance and direction; safety and protection; and relief, solace, and hope in Christ than here in the restored gospel of Jesus Christ and in His restored Church. That is why I choose to stay. Of this I bear witness in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.