A Test of Faith

The words “God can heal anything” seemed to jump back at me from the page as I read another faith-promoting story in the Ensign. My eyes welled up with tears, and bitterly I muttered to myself, as I had done a thousand times before, “Then why hasn’t he healed me?”

I had been ill for ten years. The doctors were baffled. My husband and I had spent thousands of dollars, seen many physicians, tried many prescribed medications.

Our families and our ward had fasted several times in my behalf. I had been administered to a number of times, and we had pleaded with the Lord to make me well. Still, relief had not come.

Meanwhile, my husband had cared for our four children, cooked the meals, cleaned the house, done the shopping and the laundry. I was unable to function as a wife and mother. Both of us were released from our church callings. Each day was a nightmare for me and a struggle for him.

It was a test of my faith to learn to endure when relief did not come, when it seemed as though my prayers had not been answered.

Although blessings and prayers didn’t bring the healing I sought, they did bring me comfort and reassurance. They helped me endure as I struggled to get through each day and went through difficult and repeated procedures and tests.

I finally received some relief, and the illness eased enough so that I could bear the pain. But many of the puzzling symptoms persisted.

One day as I was getting ready to cut out a dress for my two-year-old daughter, I couldn’t find my scissors. I looked and looked. Finally I prayed for help. It seemed like a trivial matter to pray over, but I needed them to make that dress. I felt impressed to look through my chest of drawers, where I found the missing scissors. I offered a prayer of thanks and went on with my sewing.

That night I related the story of the lost scissors to my thirteen-year-old daughter and commented, “Isn’t it interesting that Heavenly Father helped me find a pair of scissors but hasn’t helped me get well?”

She replied, “Then he must have a reason for you not to get well yet.”

I realized she was right. I will keep going, keep praying, keep hoping.

I now know that there are some lessons in life we cannot learn except by going through adversity. My illness has improved my relationship with God. I have become very dependent upon him. I have found I cannot endure without his strength.

I will take whatever else comes my way, for I know that if I am living righteously, am repenting, and exercising faith, the rest is in God’s hands.