My daughter is interested in working as a nanny. Do you have any information about the subject I could discuss with her?

W. Steven Rubow, former bishop of the Littleton First Ward, Nashua New Hampshire Stake, currently serving as a high councilor in the Schaumburg Illinois Stake. As a father of six daughters and a former bishop of several nannies, I appreciate parents’ concern for their daughters’ welfare. Because of the Church’s emphasis on family life, many affluent couples see young LDS women as ideal caretakers for their children. Hundreds of young LDS women are working as nannies, many in economically well-to-do, urban parts of the United States. Yet many young women take jobs as nannies without a good understanding of what is expected of them.

Caring for children is an important responsibility. Parents who employ nannies want to hire someone who truly loves children and enjoys taking care of them. If a young woman does not particularly like caring for children, she should not even consider a job as a nanny! But even those who do enjoy caring for children may see work as a nanny only as an opportunity to live in a new area in luxurious surroundings and to be on their own away from home with a salary, room, board, and sometimes a car.

The job may sound glamorous, but reality is often far different. If a young woman is not prepared adequately for the experience (and sometimes even if she is) she may experience, as some nannies have, personality conflicts, overly demanding employers, conflicts between her own and her employer’s standards—even courtrooms and moral transgression.

One way interested parents can help their daughter prepare is to find out all they can about the job before she takes it. Neither the Church nor Brigham Young University is affiliated with or endorses any of the agencies or informal networks that place nannies or governesses. The Church does not license them, nor does it review their contracts or placements. Such agencies are like other businesses. There are good, reputable ones, and there are poor ones. Many provide contracts and screening; others do not. Few of them provide training; all of them need to make money to stay in business.

Check out the agency, the family who will employ your daughter, and the contract. If you have questions about the contract (and it is a good idea to have one), ask an attorney about it before your daughter signs it. Ask questions about the employer and the job’s requirements; don’t assume anything. Know what she will do, what the employer will do, and what you will do if the plan doesn’t work out. Is your daughter covered by health insurance? If not, and she becomes ill or is involved in an accident, who will pay for medical care?

Before your daughter takes the job, make sure that she understands what will be expected of her. While her primary responsibility may be child care, her employer may also expect her to prepare meals, do housework, and travel with the family. How many children will she be caring for? How many days off will she have each week? Will she be required to work evenings? If housekeeping is involved, what chores will she be expected to do, and how often? Will she be responsible for preparing the children’s—or even the whole family’s—meals? If she will have access to a car, does the family have rules about when and how often she may use it? Does the family have pets for which she will be expected to care?

You also might want to discuss with your daughter the reasons she wants to be a nanny. Too many young women view such positions as a chance to get away from home, from the Church, and from apparent restrictions. Is she accepting a position as a nanny with the objective of earning money to attend college or to serve a mission? If she already has a college degree or job skills in a chosen career field, it might be wiser for her to enter that field and obtain valuable job experience (and higher pay) rather than to accept a position as a nanny, in a kind of “postponement” of life decisions.

There is much one can do to prepare a daughter early in life for being away from home, whether as a nanny or otherwise. Four points to consider:

1. Prepare your daughter for life. Share with her your testimony of the gospel and help her build a strong testimony. The scriptures tell us that “inasmuch as parents have children in Zion, or in any of her stakes which are organized, that teach them not to understand the doctrine of repentance, faith in Christ the Son of the living God, and of baptism and the gift of the Holy Ghost by the laying on of the hands, when eight years old, the sin be upon the heads of the parents …

“And they shall also teach their children to pray, and to walk uprightly before the Lord.” (D&C 68:25, 28.)

Have regular family prayers and encourage regular individual prayers, in which your daughter can build a meaningful relationship with her Heavenly Father. Hold weekly family home evenings and family councils. Study the scriptures together—particularly the Book of Mormon—and teach how they can help her find solutions to life’s many problems.

The auxiliary programs of the Church can also help. Seminary, where each of the standard works is studied in detail, can be valuable in preparing young people for life. The Young Women program also offers fine lessons and social opportunities that help parents teach the gospel.

2. Work with your daughter in setting goals. Unfortunately, some parents may view their daughter’s position as a nanny as an opportunity to unburden themselves of responsibility. Help your daughter understand her purpose in life and her purpose for wanting to be a nanny, and help her set worthy, righteous goals for the next step in her life—whether it be school, a mission, temple marriage, or a career. Encourage her to counsel with the Lord so that she can know what that next step should be.

3. Be supportive. Treat the position as a nanny as a job and the family for whom she will be working as an employer. Encourage her to give an honest day’s work for a day’s pay and to do as the employer asks (as long as it is in keeping with her standards). Never leave her stranded—emotionally, spiritually, or physically. Let her know, always, that you love her unconditionally.

4. Counsel your daughter to contact the bishop in her new area as soon as she arrives. The same Church teachings, organization, and concern for the individual exist in Church units all around the world. But your daughter may need to make the first contact. Home teachers and visiting teachers should be assigned immediately. If they are not, your daughter should ask for them. She should let her new bishop know that she is eager to serve, and her bishop should be prepared to involve her with a meaningful assignment. Association with Young Single Adult or Single Adult groups in her area can help her meet many of her social needs, as well as help her overcome any homesickness she might feel.

All in all, how a young woman’s experience as a nanny turns out depends on several things. If she approaches the job with a shallow testimony, selfishness, weak family ties and support, and vague or unknown goals, the experience can be shattering—and may lead to discouragement and sin. If, on the other hand, she approaches it with a strong testimony, an eye toward service and personal growth, and a supportive, loving family, she will long remember the experience as character-building and testimony-strengthening—a worthy means to a worthy end.