Time Alone

By Tracy Barrand

Nikki and Breck Fullmer quarreled constantly. Most of their fights were about Nikki borrowing her brother’s T-shirts, and Breck playing music at home that his sister didn’t like. Nikki and Breck were both looking for a way out of their conflicts when they decided to participate in their stake’s “Time Alone” experiment.

In Time Alone, you invite a family member to spend an hour doing something they like with only you. This time together can help build friendships and head off conflicts. Some family members have experienced positive results sooner than they had anticipated.

Nikki knew her brother liked to drink soda pop, so she invited him to go get one with her. He thought it was a fine arrangement, since she was buying. After the soda they talked and drove around for an hour. After just one rendezvous, Nikki said, “He’s at a stage where he’ll do just about anything to be cool. And now he thinks it’s cool to be with me.”

Other young people who participated in the experiment didn’t fight with their brothers and sisters but felt their relationships weren’t as strong as they could be. Curtis Morley missed the close relationship he and his younger brother had as young boys. He decided to get up early with his brother and join him in his bike ride to volleyball practice during the summer.

“At first we just talked of common things, but as the days progressed he spoke more from the heart. I anticipated a noticeable change in him. It didn’t happen. Instead the change came over me. I had regained a friend, someone who would always be there when I needed him—and an awesome volleyball partner.”

Here are some ideas to create your own Time Alone:

• Choose a person in your home with whom you would like to be closer. Invite this person for a Time Alone. You could say something like this:

  “I’d really like to talk to you alone.”

  “Want to take a walk?”

  “You look like you could use a soda pop. I’m buying.”

• You don’t need to spend a lot of money, or any money at all. But choose an activity that the person you are inviting will enjoy.

• If the person is too busy to go, find another time convenient for both of you.

• Make sure your time alone will take you away from distractions.

• When alone together, ask questions that show your sincere interest. For example:

  “What three things made you happiest this week?”

  “Are you discouraged about your math class?”

  “What’s going on with the soccer team?”

• Try not to ask for money or favors. Concentrate on the person. Avoid sensitive topics that may create tension.

• Listen with your full and complete attention.

Does this Time Alone really help brother and sister relationships? Here’s what some of the participants from two stakes in Utah said:

“My brother Brady and I didn’t have a bad relationship. The problem was, we didn’t have a relationship at all. Involvement in school and with my friends meant everything. I never spent any time with him. When I heard about the experiment, I immediately thought of Brady, and after praying about it I was sure he was the one. At first it was a chore; then it became a little easier; then I realized he is fun! I just had to make the first move. Now he comes to invite me to do things with him.”—Brittany Brammer

“I can’t say that I found out anything really new about my sister, but I can say I felt closer to her.” —Erica Stephan

“My whole teenage world was collapsing. I said a silent prayer asking for someone to help make my hurt go away. Within 20 minutes my sister asked me to go out with her. I can’t tell you how good it is to find your best friend is under the same roof.”—Sydney Sharp

“My brother was so obnoxious no one would even sit by him. I knew exactly who to pick for a time alone. We camped out in the living room and rode our bikes together the next morning. Though there hasn’t been an earth-shaking change, I’ve noticed he doesn’t tease as much as he used to and he shares more.”—Jonathan Meyers

“My older brother was leaving for college, and I realized I wouldn’t see him for a while. I asked if I could put my sleeping bag next to his bed. We talked almost every night for the next month. Maybe we didn’t get as much sleep as we needed, but it was a small price to pay for such a close friendship.”—Matt Rowe

“My sister and I used to get into some pretty ugly arguments over silly things like using the telephone or borrowing each other’s clothes. Then we wouldn’t speak for days and would exchange angry glances. For our fourth time alone, we made a batch of taffy. We sang along to music on a tape. And as we pulled the taffy, we pulled ourselves closer together.”—Angie Woodward.

Photography by Craig Dimond; posed by models