ministering

Imigaqo Yokulungiselela, EyoMdumba 2019

Ukuphuhlisa uvelwano lokulungiselela

Ukulungiselela kukunyusa. Singabanyusa abanye njengoko sizama ukuqonda into abanamava wayo kwaye sibonise ukuba sizimisele ukudlula kuyo kunye nabo.

Kuba uBawo wethu Osezulwini efuna sifane naYe, imiceli-ngeni esijongana nayo kobu bomi ingaba ngamathuba okufunda ukuba siyamthemba kwaye sihlale endleleni. Ngelishwa, ukuhlala endleleni kuye kubenzima xa siziva ingathi sijongene naloo miceli-mngeni sodwa.

Kodwa sasingadalelwanga ukuba siyihambe sodwa indlela. UMsindisi wazuza uvelwano oluzalisekileyo, esehla ngaphantsi kuzo zonke izinto ukuze abenokwazi ukusihlangula kwiimbandezelo nobuthathaka bethu (bona Alma 7:11–12; Imfundiso neMinqophiso 122:8). Yena ulindele ukuba umntu ngamnye kuthi alandele umzekelo waKhe kwaye abonise uvelwano ngokunjalo. Onke amalungu enze umnqophiso wokuba “sizo lila nabo balilayo kwaye sithuthuzele abo bathi badinge ukuthuthuzelwa”(Mozaya 18:9). Nangaphandle kwemiceli-ngeni yethu, sifundiswa konke kwiziBhalo ezingcwele ukuba zijikele ngaphandle kwaye “zoluleni izandla eziwileyo, [nomeleze] namadolo anengevane,kwaye nizenzela umendo othe tye iinyawo zenu, ukuze into eqhwalelayo ingakrunwa, (AmaHebhere 12:12–13; bona naye Isaya 35:3–4; Imfundiso neMinqophiso 81:5–6).

Njengoko sithatha abanye ngesandla, sibayekela boyame ngathi, kwaye sihambe nabo, siyabanceda ukuba bahlale endleleni ilixa eloneleyo ukuba uMsindisi angabaguquli nje kuphela—enye yeenjongo eziphambili ekulungiseleleni—kodwa nokubaphilisa. (Bona Imfundiso neminqophiso 112:13).

Luyintoni Uvelwano?

Uvelwano kukuqonda imizwa, iingcinga, kwakunye nemeko yomnye umntu ngendlela abayibona ngayo bona kunendlela yethu.¹

Ukuvelana kubalulekile kwimizamo yethu yokulungiselela kwabanye kwaye nokuzalisekisa injongo yethu njengabalungiseleli kunye nabalungiselelikazi. Luvumela ukuba sizifake kwizihlangu zomnye umntu.

Ukuhamba Ezihlangwini Zomnye Umntu

Ibali liyaxelwa ngendoda enentloni engoNgcwele weMihla yokuGqibela eyayihlala ngemva yodwa kwindlu yesikhungo. Xa ilungu lequmrhu labadala lavela lasweleka ngesaquphe, ubhishophu wanikeza ngeentsikelelo zobubingeleli ukuthuthuzela amalungu osapho lwaloomdala. Oodade bemqurhu lamanina lwazisa ukutya. Izihlobo ezinobubele kwakunye nabamelwane batyelela usapho kwaye bathi “Nisazise ukuba kukho into esingayenza ukunceda.”

Kodwa xa le ndoda inentloni yayityelela olusapho emva kwemini, wakhalisa intsimbi yasemnyango kwaye umhlolokazi waphendula, yathi ngokulula, “Ndizele ukucoca izihlangu zenu.” Kwiiyure ezimbalwa, zonke izihlangu zosapho zazicociwe kwaye zimenyezela ukulungiselela umngcwabo. NgeCawa elandelayo usapho lomdala oswelekileyo lwahlala ecaleni kwalendoda inentloni kwindawo yokuhlala ngasemva.

Nantsi indoda eyayisazi ukuba izalisa imfuno eyayingahoyekanga. Bonke bona kwakunye naye babesikelelekile lulungiselelo lwayo olwaluqhutywa luvelwano.

Ndingaluphuhlisa Njani Uvelwano?

Abanye babonakala besikelelwe ngesipho sokwazi ukuvelana. Kodwa kwabo basokolayo, kukho iindaba ezintle. Kwiminyaka engama-30 edlulileyo, inani elikhulayo lwabaphandi lifunde ngovelwano. Xeshikweni uninzi lwabo luza kulomxholo ngeendlela ezahlukeneyo, uninzi lwabo luyavumelana ukuba uvelwano yinto ekwaziyo ukufundeka.²

Singasithandazela isipho sovelwano. Ukuze siphucuke, kuyanceda ukubanokuqonda ukuba uvelwano lusebenza njani. Ezi ngcebiso zilandelayo ziyamkelwa jikele njenge nxalenye yovelwano.³ Xeshikweni ezi zenzeka singaqondi nasengqondweni ukuba ziyenzeka, ukwazi ngazo kusinika ithuba lokubona amathuba okuba siphucuke.

1. Qonda

Uvelwano ludinga ukuqonda kwemeko yomnye. Ngokuqonda ngcono ngezimo zabo, kuya kubelula ukuqonda ukuba baziva kanjani ngayo kwakunye nokuba singenza ntoni ukunceda.

Ukumamelisisa, ukubuza imibuzo, kwakunye nokucebisana nabo kwakunye nabanye zizenzo ezibalulekileyo zokuqonda imeko yabo. Funda banzi ngalemixholo kumanqaku adlulileyo weMigaqo Yokulungiselela:

• “Izinto Ezintlanu Abamameli Abalungileyo Abazenzayo” Liyahona, EyeSilimela 2018, 6.

• “Cebisanani Ngeemfuno Zabo,” Liyahona, eyoMsintsi. 2018, 6.

• “Bandakanya Abanye Kulungiselelo—Njengoko Kudingeka,”Liyahona, EyeDwarha 2018, 6.

Njengoko sifuna ukuqonda, kufuneka sithathe ixesha lokuqonda imeko yabo ngqo kunokuba sizithathele izigibo ngenxa yomnye obekhe wakwimeko efanayo. Kungenjalo ke, singaluphosa uphawu kwaye sibashiye beziva bengavisisiswa.

2. Yibanomfanekiso-ngqondweni

Kwiinzame zethu zokugcina umnqophiso wethu wokulila nabo balilayo kwaye sithuthuzele abo badinga ukuthuthuzelwa, singathandazela uMoya Oyingcwele ukuba usincede siqonde into eviwa ngomnye umntu kwaye ukuba singanceda kanjani.⁴

Xa siziqonda iimeko zomnye, omnye nomnye kuthi—noba zenzeka ngokwendalo okanye hayi—singenza isenzo sokubanomfanekiso-ngqondweni wento esingayicinga okanye esingayiva kuloomeko. Ukuqonda ezo ngcinga kwakunye naloo mizwa, nakunye nenkokhelo yoMoya Oyingcwele, kunganceda kukhokele impendulo yethu kwimeko yabo.

Njengoko siya kuqonda iimeko zomnye kwaye sibenomfanekiso-ngqondweni wokuba baziva njani, kubalukekile ukuba singabagwebi ngokungafanelekanga (bona Mateyu 7:1). Ukugxeka indlela umntu afike ngayo kwimeko kungakhokelela ekubeni siyinciphise intlungu ebangelwa yimeko.

3. Phendula

Indlela esiphendula ngayo ibalulekile ngokuba yiyo ebonisa uvelwano lwethu. Zininzi iindlela zokunxibelelana ukuqonda kwethu ngamazwi okanye ngaphandle kwamazwi. Kubalulekile ukukhumbula ukuba imbono yethu ayikokulungisa ingxaki ncam. Kumaxesha amaninzi injongo kukunyusa kwaye someleze ngokubazisa ukuba abakho bodwa. Oku kungathetha ukuba, “Ndiyavuya undixelele” okanye “Ndiyaxolisa. Oko inokuba kubuhlungu.”

Kuzo zonke iimeko impendulo yethu kufuneka inyaniseke. Xa kufanelekile, ukubasemngciphekeni ngokwaneleyo wokuvumela abanye babone ubuthathaka bakho kwakunye noloyiko lwakho kungadala uqhagamshelwano oluxabisekileyo.

Isimemo Sokwenza

Njengoko ucingisisisa ngeemeko zabo ubalungiselelayo, zicinge ukwimeko yabo kwakunye nokuba yintoni obuzakuyifumana iluncedo kakhulu ukuba ubusezihlangwini zabo. Thandazela ukuqonda indlela abaziva ngayo kwaye ulandelisise. Impendulo yakho ingabalula, kodwa ibenentsingiselo.

© 2019 ngo Intellectual Reserve, Inc. All rights reserved. Ishicilelwe e-USA. Isivumelo sesiNgesi: 6/18. Isivumelo senguqulelo: 6/18. Inguqulelo Ministering Principles, February 2019. Xhosa. 15763 774

Izikhumbuzo

1. Bona W. Ickes,Emphathic Accuracy (1997); no M.L Hoffman,Empathy and Moral Development: Implication for Caring and Justice (2000).

2. Bona, umzekelo, Emily Teding van Berhout and John M. Malouff, “The Efficacy of Empathy Training: A Meta-Analysis of Randomized Controlled Trials,”Journal of Counselling Psychology (2016), 63(1), 32–41.

3. Bona, umzekelo, Brene Brown,I Thought It Was Just Me (But It Isn’t) (2008); Theresa Wiseman, “A Concept Analysis of Empathy,” Journal of Advanced Nursing (1996), 23, 1162–67; and others, “Creative and Novel Approaches to Empathy: a Neo-Rogerian Perspective. Journal of Mental Health Counselling, 35(1) (Jan. 2013), 29–42.

4. Bona Henry B. Eyring, “The Comforter,” Liyahona,Canzibe 2015, 17-21.

UYesu Krestu Wayelungiselela Ngovelwano.

Xa uMsindisi wayevela kumaNifayithi, Yena wawafundisa kwada wayazi ukuba, kwimeko awayekuyo, ayengaqondisisi yonke into awayewafundisa yona. Kodwa Yena wayeyazi ukuba wona ayengafuni awashiye.

Waphendula ngokuthi atshintshe ukuwafundisa ngokubanzi ngevangeli waza wawalungiselela ngokweemfuno zawo zenyama—ewamema ukuba eze ngaphambili nabo bagulayo, baziziqhwala, bazimfama okanye bangevayo. Yena wawaphilisa. Emveni koko wawathandazela kwaye walungiselela abantwana babo, echitha ixesha nabo ngamnye ukuze abasikelele.

Yintoni esingayifunda kumzekelo woMsindisi wovelwano ekulungiseleleni amaNifayithi?

Amanqaku “weMigaqo Yokulungiselela” enzelwe ukusinceda sifunde ukukhathalelana—hayi ukwabiwa ngenjomyalezo ngelixa londwendwelo. Njengoko sazi abo sibancedayo, uMoya Oyingcwele uya kusichukumisa sazi ukuba ngowuphi umyalezo abasenokuwudinga ekongezeni kwinkathalo yethu kunye nemfesane yethu.