Knowing My Divine Identity Gave Me Purpose

By Lindsey Smith

I didn’t know who I was for so long. Learning the truth changed my life.

When I was eight, I lived in a house that had the best view overlooking a valley. In the evenings, I would sit on top of my barn, watching the purple-and-orange glowing sunsets with my calico cat, thinking about and observing the world.

These moments of pondering eventually led to a lot of questions about life.

One day I asked my mom, “What happens when we die? I know there is a heaven, but what actually happens after this life?”

The look on her face implied that she wanted to know the answer as well. I could sense her anxiety when she replied, “I’m not quite sure.”

After that conversation, I immediately started thinking of all the possibilities of what would happen after I died. I feared that I would just cease to exist. These thoughts spiraled and often turned into panic attacks over the years.

I constantly questioned my identity, my purpose, and what would happen to me after I died. I felt so lost. And when I got to high school, I struggled and made decisions I wouldn’t have if I had understood my divine worth and eternal potential.

Trying to Find Answers

While I was attending college in Oregon, USA, I found myself at the lowest point of my life, praying for help to get out of the darkness I was in. I didn’t feel right about anything in my life. I didn’t know who I was or why I was on this earth or even what my purpose was.

During this time, I made a new friend named Nick. We met through mutual friends, and for some reason, as I got to know him and spent time with him, I felt a strange pull toward him, and I wasn’t quite sure why. He seemed different than all my other friends—in a good way.

One day, I felt like I had reached a breaking point with my unanswered questions and anxiety, and I had an impression to visit Nick. I told him how I was feeling, and we talked for hours! He mentioned that he was a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. That news unsettled me because of various false rumors I had heard about “Mormons” growing up, but since nothing scared me more than the unanswered questions I had about life, I listened to what he had to say.

A few days later, as I pondered what Nick had told me about what he believed about life after death and our purpose as God’s children, I had a strong, overwhelming feeling that I needed to make a change in my life. I ended my relationship with my boyfriend and moved back home to start over. Nick also invited me to go to church, and while I was scared, I agreed to go with him.

Discovering My Identity

As I was sitting in church, I was amazed at how friendly and loving everyone was. I also felt a peaceful, warm feeling that I had experienced only a few times before in my life—a feeling that I would later learn was from the Holy Ghost.

But what truly struck me was that every lesson and talk I heard that day focused on Jesus Christ and His Resurrection and what His sacrifice means for each of us. Learning that He still lives taught me that there is life for each of us after we die. That knowledge gave me so much peace.

I learned about the plan of salvation and about who I truly am and why I am here. And as I prayed to Heavenly Father to help me understand and believe these truths, I felt my faith grow.

Nick baptized me a month later. For the first time, I truly felt the love of Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. I felt like I finally understood my divine identity, my purpose, and my worth.

After I received my endowment in the temple, I felt that the big questions I had about life that had stirred in my heart since I was eight years old were finally answered. And a year later, Nick and I were sealed in the Portland Oregon Temple.

Embracing Heavenly Father’s Blessings

Now that I know my true identity and that “the worth of [my soul] is great in the sight of God” (Doctrine and Covenants 18:10), my life is so much more joyful. And even when I still have moments of anxiety, focusing on that truth helps me keep moving forward.

Sister Joy D. Jones, former Primary General President, taught: “While it is often easier to be spiritually passive than it is to put forth the spiritual effort to remember and embrace our divine identity, we cannot afford that indulgence in these latter days. … As the Savior lifts us to higher ground, we can see more clearly not only who we are but also that we are closer to Him than we ever imagined.”¹

As we understand our true identity, we can have more confidence through all we face in life. Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ know us by name, and They know our eternal potential and destiny. Understanding that and focusing on who I truly am have helped me create a better and more fulfilling life.