Strengthening Marriages

By Elder Dalebe Martin Goury

Area Seventy, Africa West Area, responsible for Abidjan West Coordinating Council

From “The Family, A Proclamation to the World” we read:

“Marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and . . . the family is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children. . . .

“Husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children”.¹

Strengthening marriages is paramount in mortality. With the ever-growing confusion about marriage in the world, we need to deepen our faith in the Lord and:

Increase behavior that invites the Spirit into the marriage
Reduce attitudes and behaviors which invite contention.

When Sister Goury and I celebrated our wedding in the London Temple on April 8, 1995, we were both unaware of the challenges that could creep into marriages. Nevertheless, keeping the end goal in mind and inviting the Savior into our relationship has blessed us both.

When I served as a bishop in Lagos, Nigeria (2011-2017), I had the opportunity to counsel couples who were facing marital challenges. The trials of one family I loved very much were astounding and seemed to come straight out of the manual Strengthening Marriage.

My friends “unthinkingly [said] and [did] things that hindered sharing and listening. Bad habits [became] deeply ingrained through years of repetition and reinforcement. . . . [Their] problems [became] more extensive as they intentionally [obstructed] communication because of anger, negative thinking, personal frustration, viciousness, or indifference.”²

After listening to them carefully, I was guided to the admonition of Moroni 7:45, which we studied together. It reads:

“And charity suffereth long, and is kind, and envieth not, and is not puffed up, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil, and rejoiceth not in iniquity but rejoiceth in the truth, beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.”

Discussing the characteristics of a charitable person prompted a realization for each of them that a problem to be solved had become more important than a person to be loved.³

My wife and I are still learning to build our relationship, but here are some of the points which have strengthened our marriage:

Putting the Savior at the center of our marriage
Listening and communicating with love and respect
Acknowledging personal faults and repenting constantly
Being patient with one another
Sharing decision making and valuing each other’s opinions
Avoid a domineering relationship
Accepting that perfection is a work in progress

President Ezra Taft Benson (1899-1924) once taught, “The secret of a happy marriage is to serve God and each other. The goal of marriage is unity and oneness, as well as self-development. Paradoxically, the more we serve one another, the greater is our spiritual and emotional growth.”⁴

As spouses develop a true love for each other and honor their marriage covenants made in the temple, their marriages will be strengthened.

I am grateful for my eternal companion. She is kind, loving, patient and full of charity.