“Getting the Most out of Parent-Child Time,” Liahona, June 2022, United States and Canada Section.
Getting the Most out of Parent-Child Time
The time we have with our children is often limited. Here are suggestions for having higher-quality interactions with them.
Spending time with children is one of many ways to love and support them. Parents often have difficulty finding as much time as they would like to spend with their children, thanks to seemingly ever-present competing demands from work, home, church, and other responsibilities. There are also parents who do not live full-time with their children, further limiting time together. Time is increasingly limited as children become teens, when it is natural for them to spend less time with parents. Teens are developing independence from their parents and are often busy with school, friends, work, and extracurricular activities.
If you’ve ever felt pressures on your available family time, here are some strategies to get the most out of the limited time you have with your children.
Begin Simply, at Home
President Russell M. Nelson taught us to make our homes sanctuaries of faith and “places of serenity and security.”1 As you reflect and pray about how you spend time at home, ask yourself if there are settings that lend themselves to higher-quality interactions. One setting is dinnertime. Researchers typically count a beneficial frequency for family dinner at three times per week, so don’t feel overwhelmed if your schedule cannot accommodate a nightly family dinner.
Family dinners are linked to better emotional, academic, and health outcomes for children. Dinner is a good time for comfortable conversation when parents can listen as children share feelings, stressors, and challenges. This is a time when you as a parent can convey safety, confidence, and care.
One tactic is to not hurry children to leave the table. Even if you finish a meal, stay seated and mentally present until children signal they are ready to move on. Another strategy is to consider the timing of family dinner, since much of the quality time we get with our children follows our evening meal. Evenings can be a natural time to play, read, help each other, and converse. Moving the dinnertime earlier can maximize the amount of quality family time.
Efforts at a family dinner and arranging an earlier dinner time are just two examples of how you can organize the time at home to have higher-quality interactions with your children. With practice, you will see other seemingly ordinary moments at home as opportunities for meaningful parent-child time.
Focus on Quality
While spending quantity time with children is valuable, improving the quality of parent-child interactions may be just as significant. Focus on how you approach interactions with children to make them more meaningful. Try using the acronym ARE:
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Attentive
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Responsive
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Engaged
Look into your children’s eyes, listen to them, show you value their thoughts, and share a little of yourself. Make an effort to put aside distractions when interacting with children to keep attention on the immediate conversation, the relationship, and the feelings of your children. When parents foster quality time with children, trust and closeness will increase as children know that their parents genuinely care.
Use Family Councils
“Councils are the Lord’s way.”2 While they may sound intimidating, family councils are only a more formal version of the caring conversations we want to have with our children. With distractions like electronic devices intentionally set aside, such conversations may involve the entire family (sometimes including grandparents and extended family) or discussions of personal matters in one-on-one settings.
After inviting the Spirit through prayer, you might discuss such topics as:
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Problem solving
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Goal setting
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Activity planning
What makes this time especially beneficial is the opportunity for each member of the family to have their ideas heard and valued. Parents can:
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Talk less.
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Listen more.
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Seek to understand children’s feelings.
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Focus on their thoughts.
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React with warmth and love.
Families that encourage open conversation in their homes and react with warmth and love are more likely to develop resilient children. As President M. Russell Ballard, Acting President of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, said, “Children desperately need parents willing to listen to them, and the family council can provide a time during which family members can learn to understand and love one another.”3
Add Away-from-Home Activities
Another way to build family unity can be in special, away-from-home activities. These “wholesome recreational activities”4 look different for every family. They can last a couple of hours or span multiple days. The key is to occasionally do new activities together. New environments can heighten awareness and create a sense of shared adventure.
The reality is that family outings take effort and sometimes money. Scheduling family outings in advance provides time to spread out planning tasks and consider necessary preparation or budgeting goals.
Look for ways that all family members, including children, can participate in appropriate decision making or preparation for the activity. It is good to keep in mind that the occasional nature of these experiences is part of what makes them effective.
Small and Consistent Changes Pay Off
Adjusting the amount of time and the kind of time we spend with our children is an ongoing process. The good news is that small steps make a big difference, and we should not feel discouraged if we don’t reach our goals overnight. Elder David A. Bednar of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles reminds us, “Our consistency in doing seemingly small things can lead to significant spiritual results.”5 As we make a genuine effort, we can bless our families one meal, one conversation, one family council, and one simple moment at a time.