“Finding Hope and Love When Battling Pornography,” Liahona, Aug. 2023.
Finding Hope and Love When Battling Pornography
There is always hope when you know clear steps to take on the road to recovery.
The Hand of God, by Yongsung Kim, may not be copied
As a professional who researches the effects of pornography use and as a family life professor at Brigham Young University, I get approached by many people who are struggling with pornography use or those seeking help for loved ones. Sometimes I get questions like “Will I ever overcome my pornography problem?” or even “Does it really matter if I view pornography?” These questions show the complexity of trying to address pornography use.
Scriptures and latter-day prophets teach that Jesus Christ offers hope and love to all people, regardless of their current afflictions or sins. The prophet Ether taught that “whoso believeth in God might with surety hope for a better world, yea, even a place at the right hand of God, which hope cometh of faith” (Ether 12:4). This sure hope, born of faith, promises a better future for all who exercise their faith in Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.
It is also true that Church leaders throughout the years have repeatedly warned about the risks of using pornography.1 Likewise, empirical research suggests that viewing pornography can harm individuals and weaken relationships.2 While these are basic truths, the reality of addressing or overcoming pornography can sometimes be challenging.
As someone who has spent years trying to understand the effects of pornography, it is clear to me that the intentional viewing of pornographic material has serious detrimental effects on individuals and families. It is also clear to me that many struggle to find paths away from pornography use and to escape the darkness that will always encroach on their happiness. Finding hope can be difficult without knowing clear steps to take on the road to recovery. For that reason, I share below some specific steps one might take to move away from pornography.
While there are some common patterns to recovery—including faith in God, honesty, and seeking help—the specific steps to recovery may look different based on a person’s level of involvement with pornography. President Dallin H. Oaks, First Counselor in the First Presidency, described four levels of involvement with pornography: (1) compulsive or addictive use, (2) intensive or habitual use, (3) occasional use, and (4) inadvertent exposure.3 For the first three levels of involvement, I will suggest positive steps you and your loved ones might take on your journey to addressing pornography use.
1. Addressing Compulsive Use (Addiction)
Pornography use over time often creates strong and compulsive urges within you to watch or listen to more pornographic material and use it more frequently. Addiction to pornography limits your freedom to choose. If addicted, you will likely struggle to think about or engage with other important activities or relationships, including family and friends. While repentance and a return to the covenant path are always possible, addiction to pornography can make you feel hopeless, depressed, and anxious.
Helpful Steps
Focus on your divine identity. Focusing on your identity as a son or daughter of God can help reestablish your belief that you are capable of great things, including overcoming pornography use. While many struggling with pornography addiction feel hopeless, if you remember your divine identity and purpose, you can better find the strength to have faith in the Lord and take action (see Philippians 4:13).
Talk to others about this problem. Experiencing temptations and compulsions to view pornography can contribute to a deep sense of loneliness. One of the best ways to prevent compulsions from staying hidden and getting worse is to talk openly about your pornography use. Seek out support from family members, friends, and Church leaders, as well as professional resources, to make your battle one that you are not taking on alone.
Find a local therapist who specializes in sexual addictions. Mental health professionals can help you understand the reasons you may be turning to pornography. They can help you address the compulsive patterns that may be limiting your ability to use your agency to find joy and happiness.
Join an addiction recovery group. Addiction recovery group sessions and other community resources can help connect those seeking recovery and can provide you with mentors, messages of hope, and positive examples.4 Everyone’s journey through addiction is different, but as you hear the stories and struggles of others, you can learn that you are not meant to go through trials alone and can be lifted and encouraged by others who have been in similar situations.
2. Addressing Intensive, Habitual Use
Not every person who is caught in the snare of pornography is addicted to it. You might have become trapped in a pattern of pornography viewing but do not meet the clinical definition of addiction. You might think of it as a recurring “bad habit” of pornography use. While consequences related to this level of pornography involvement may be less severe than addiction, it still has negative effects on your life.
For example, regular pornography use attacks your ability to feel charity and can create unrealistic attitudes toward sexual intimacy and love. It can make your thoughts and feelings toward intimacy become more selfish, making it harder for you to feel and express the type of love that deepens and strengthens your relationships. This is because even occasional pornography use promotes lust, a substitute for love that is based on selfish desires and behaviors contrary to God’s will.5 The Lord taught, “He that looketh upon a woman to lust after her shall deny the faith, and shall not have the Spirit” (Doctrine and Covenants 42:23).
Helpful Steps
Reach out for help. Feeling trapped in a regular-use pattern of pornography can be frustrating. You may feel like your pornography use does not warrant the support of mental health intervention, or you might feel frightened to turn to friends and family members for support or help. It is important to remember that seeking these resources is an important first step. Loved ones may be able to help monitor phone or internet use and create a sense of accountability in your life. Having regular conversations and check-ins with a loving family member or friend is another way this social support can help disrupt intensive pornography use.
Learn what events or emotions trigger your desire to view pornography. For many people, this desire can be triggered by stress, rejection, or other negative emotions. You may find it useful to identify the situations that make you likely to feel the desire to view pornography. Once identified, this knowledge can help everyone involved know the situations to avoid and when you may need the most support and encouragement.
Enjoy wholesome recreation. Because intensive pornography use is often triggered by negative emotion, another helpful step is to focus on positive leisure activities or hobbies that relieve stress and rejuvenate you. While these activities alone will not remove the temptation to view pornography, putting effort into positive activities can help create fewer situations when the urge to view pornography arises. These activities can bring happiness and relaxation into your life.
Invite God’s light into your life. Consider pairing positive hobbies with an increased attention to the spiritual light that can come from gospel engagement. This gospel light can come from reading scriptures, praying daily, and, if possible, attending the temple. Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles stated that “God promises the hope of His light—He promises to illuminate the way before us and show us the way out of darkness.”6
3. Addressing Occasional Use
For some, pornography use is not a regular habit or addiction. You might view pornography here and there but in an inconsistent way. While you may be tempted to dismiss this infrequent use as less concerning, President Oaks taught, “As with any sinful behavior, willful use of pornography drives away the Holy Ghost.”7 This erosion of your spiritual sensitivity is a significant negative effect of even occasional pornography use. Satan wants to use pornography to destroy your connection to love and spiritual power that the Holy Ghost provides.
Helpful Steps
Seek the Spirit. A key step to moving past occasional pornography use is to strive to stay close to the Spirit of God every day. Because your Heavenly Father knows you perfectly, He knows how to perfectly help you. If you feel you have lost touch with the Spirit, commit today to focus on Christ, remember and keep your covenants, and begin the repentance process so the Holy Ghost can once again give you guidance and support. Listening to daily promptings from the Holy Ghost and feeling the daily love of Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father can help you respond better to the temptations or desires to view pornography that may come.
Create and maintain clear boundaries when it comes to your access to pornography. Keeping cell phones away from your bed at night or using filters or other accountability software programs on your electronic devices can put barriers between you and the sea of pornographic material online. While such boundaries are typically not enough to change habitual pornography use, they can help limit slipups and reduce temptations.
Hope in Christ
Regardless of where you are on the continuum of pornography use, there are always steps you can take and decisions you can make to strengthen yourself against pornography and eventually overcome it. You can bring hope back into your life by using your agency to make clear decisions not only to avoid pornography but also to take proactive steps to improve your personal resilience.
The gospel promises us wonderful blessings when we place our hope in Jesus Christ. Elder Uchtdorf testified, “No matter how bleak the chapter of our lives may look today, because of the life and sacrifice of Jesus Christ, we may hope and be assured that the ending of the book of our lives will exceed our grandest expectations.”8 And President M. Russell Ballard, Acting President of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, taught, “When we have hope in Christ, we come to know that as we need to make and keep sacred covenants, our fondest desires and dreams can be fulfilled through Him.”9
Does intentional viewing of pornography have a negative effect on our lives? The answers from our modern prophets and modern science are in alignment: yes. Does this mean that those struggling with pornography are destined to an unfulfilling and horrible life? No. The beauty of the gospel lies in the promise that we can always repent, progress on the covenant path, and enjoy again the Holy Ghost and love of God in our lives. We are promised that we “can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth [us]” (Philippians 4:13). Pornography can destroy so much about what is sacred and good, but we can remove it from our lives by relying on Jesus Christ and His healing power and by applying the suggestions outlined in this article.