Introverted or Extroverted: Understanding Our Brothers and Sisters

April 2024

Introverted or Extroverted: Understanding Our Brothers and Sisters,” Liahona, Apr. 2024, United States and Canada Section.

Introverted or Extroverted: Understanding Our Brothers and Sisters

By Joel B. Randall

Whether we are outgoing or more reserved, we can all worship our Heavenly Father, contribute to His work, and become unified with our fellow members as we seek to develop bonds of understanding.

glasses — “It’s not as important to see yourself as an introvert or as an extrovert in the gospel. It is important to see yourself as a son or daughter of God.”

One Sunday at a new ward, I sat alone during sacrament meeting. Afterward, I watched ward members talk to one another, but nobody introduced themselves to me, and I was too shy to start a conversation. As a more introverted person, I felt out of place in a ward that seemed like it was full of extroverted people. I felt like a failed member of the Church because they had skills of connection that I didn’t. So I went home before Sunday School.

I figured that being different socially prevented me from fitting in or unifying with my congregation. But over time, I’ve realized that a difference in social comfort or abilities doesn’t have to divide us or prevent us from worshipping. Rather, despite our differences in introversion and extroversion, we can all contribute unique abilities that God needs in His kingdom.

Recognizing the attributes of introversion and extroversion can help you understand your brothers and sisters, allowing you to better connect with and minister to them (see Moroni 6:4).

Introversion and extroversion are traits on the same spectrum. Consequently, there is not just one definition or set list of traits for either. Dr. Brent Bean, a communication professor at Brigham Young University–Idaho, gives this example: “Some may enjoy the moment of giving a talk in sacrament meeting, while others might enjoy the quiet, reflective process of preparing the talk.”

Those who are more introverted, or “drawn to the inner world of thought and feeling,”¹ may struggle to fulfill social responsibilities in the Church, like giving a talk in sacrament meeting. Those who are more extroverted, or drawn “to the external life of people and activities,”² may struggle to understand why introverts feel uncomfortable around others, and they may interpret this discomfort as unfriendliness.

Of course, personality type does not automatically qualify or disqualify someone from belonging to or participating in the Church. We all have different skills needed in ministering, and the gospel of Jesus Christ offers everyone opportunities for spiritual growth and enlightenment. He invites “all to come unto him and partake of his goodness” (2 Nephi 26:33).

Within the rich diversity of the Lord’s Church, there isn’t only one way to serve Him. Describing the Church as a body, Paul wrote:

“If the foot shall say, Because I am not the hand, I am not of the body; is it therefore not of the body? …

“And the eye cannot say unto the hand, I have no need of thee: nor again the head to the feet, I have no need of you” (1 Corinthians 12:15, 21).

Just as these different parts of the body complement one another, Church members thrive as we learn from the differences and strengths of others. Instead of dividing us, our different spiritual gifts, backgrounds, and abilities can unify us as a church because we each have a role to play.

Neither extroverts nor introverts alone make up a body of “perfect members”; instead, we become more unified as we seek to develop bonds of understanding. As Elder D. Todd Christofferson of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles taught, “Unity does not require sameness, but it does require harmony.”³

Our Most Important Identity

Learning about introversion and extroversion can help us serve and connect with others more effectively. However, what unites us is far stronger than any of our differences.

President Russell M. Nelson taught that our most important identities are being (1) children of God, (2) children of the covenant, and (3) disciples of Jesus Christ. The prophet said, “I plead with you not to replace these three paramount and unchanging identifiers with any others.”⁴

Disciples of Christ do not think less of their brothers and sisters because of personality differences. Rather, we must do all in our power to “stand close together and lift where we stand.”⁵

Dr. Bean said: “It’s not as important to see yourself as an introvert or as an extrovert in the gospel. It is important to see yourself as a son or daughter of God, willing to ‘offer your whole souls as an offering unto him’ (Omni 1:26). We can make that offering by giving all our strength unto God.”

Here are ways members can better come to understand one another within the Church. While not every idea will work for everyone, these are general principles of good communication and connection.

Introverts

“Introverts are energized by spending time alone or with a smaller group of friends.”⁶ They “enjoy one-on-one engagement in calm environments, which is more suited to the make-up of their nervous system.”⁷ Introverted members can lead through “the power of persistence, the tenacity to solve complex problems, and the clear-sightedness to avoid pitfalls that trip others up.”⁸ They often participate in church by attending, listening, and reflecting.

They “do not fear or dislike others, and they are neither shy nor plagued by loneliness.”⁹ They are not antisocial; in fact, many introverts love making deeper connections with a small group of friends and family members.

If you are introverted, consider the following suggestions to help you more meaningfully participate in your ward or branch:

In ministering to others, seek the guidance of the Spirit in using your unique gifts and talents to meet others’ needs. Have faith that Heavenly Father has given you specific gifts to use in His service.¹⁰
Don’t feel pressured into socializing at church if doing so exhausts you and makes it harder to feel the influence of the Holy Ghost. It’s OK to set boundaries, like giving yourself a predetermined time limit to converse after meetings end.
Become better friends with leaders in your ward or branch, like the bishopric and elders quorum or Relief Society presidency. They can help you feel more comfortable at church and keep your needs in mind as they fulfill their callings. Dr. Bean said: “It’s important for people to communicate effectively with their leaders.” Introduce yourself to leaders, whether in person or over text or email.
Before fast and testimony meeting, write down your testimony. You could pray for courage and strength to read it from the pulpit, but if that seems too uncomfortable, you could share your testimony later with a family member or someone you minister to.
If you feel alone at church, notice how everyone becomes united when singing hymns. As we join together in praising the Lord through inspirational music, we invite the Spirit of the Lord and enjoy His unifying influence.¹¹
When serving the Lord does require you to interact in ways that may be more comfortable for outgoing people, remember that the Lord will always help you accomplish the work He needs you to do when you seek strength and guidance from Him. You can offer something that nobody else can. President Thomas S. Monson (1927–2018) spoke to those who “may be shy by nature, perhaps feeling yourselves inadequate to respond affirmatively to a calling. Remember that this work is not yours and mine alone. It is the Lord’s work, and when we are on the Lord’s errand, … we are entitled to the Lord’s help.”¹²

Extroverts

“Extroverts are energized by socializing in larger groups of people.”¹³ They “are sociable because their brains are good at handling competing demands on their attention.”¹⁴ Extroverted members tend to participate in church by conversing in groups and sharing their thoughts in discussion settings. They “think out loud and on their feet; they prefer talking to listening, [and they] rarely find themselves at a loss for words.”¹⁵

If you are extroverted, consider the following suggestions to help you more meaningfully participate in your ward or branch:

Don’t feel obligated to fill every second of silence. Although silence may make you uncomfortable, introverts prefer silence to unmeaningful dialogue. Elder Neal A. Maxwell (1926–2004) of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles taught that we should not be afraid of “inspired silences.”¹⁶
Personally invite people to activities. Less-outgoing people are more likely to attend if they know someone at the activity.
Find out the interests of others, because discussing a topic someone is passionate about makes conversation flow more easily. Ask open-ended questions to get to know and love members of your congregation and understand how you can best show that love.
Recognize that just because someone doesn’t talk doesn’t mean there is tension—he or she may just have nothing to say. Introverts can still feel your support and the influence of the Holy Ghost if you sit together in silence.
Don’t pressure others to do things in extroverted ways. Remember that there are many ways to participate in the Lord’s Church, and He will guide each person in their individual efforts to serve Him, follow Him, and become more like Him.

How Leaders Can Help

Leaders have the unique privilege and challenge of guiding all members in their ward, branch, or stake to follow the Savior. These leaders—from the bishop to Relief Society counselor to ward mission leader—aim to better understand those under their stewardship, whether through activities, interviews, visits, in-person conversations, or text messages. Both introverts and extroverts can be effective leaders.

The following suggestions can help Latter-day Saint leaders use this understanding to help create unity in their congregations:

Consider devoting time in ward or branch council to discuss how to include all members in ways they feel comfortable with.
As prompted by the Spirit, consider assigning more-introverted members to give the opening prayer instead of closing prayer. Doing so may allow them to more easily enjoy the meeting rather than be stressed or anxious during the meeting.
Spend time getting to know as many members as possible, especially outside of group settings, just as the Savior took time to meet individually with Zacchaeus (see Luke 19:1–10). Connection comes as you meet with members individually and cultivate genuine friendship.
Help more-introverted members prepare for sacrament meeting talks by allowing flexibility with their topic assignments.¹⁷ Speaking on a topic they are knowledgeable about will make the possibly daunting task more comfortable.
In a class or council discussion, encourage participants to reflect on your questions before answering. Introverts find words before speaking, while extroverts find words as they speak. Inviting participants to “think about this question for a moment” will help everyone participate. Elder Maxwell encouraged, “Provide moments of deliberate pause. The Spirit will supply its own ‘evidence of things not seen’ (Hebrews 11:1).”¹⁸
Diversify out-of-church activities. Variety in ward or branch activities gives a greater chance for more members to attend and connect with one another through their various talents and interests.
Recognize that each member has been given different spiritual gifts and abilities for a reason. In a council meeting, for instance, “the diverse backgrounds, ages, experiences, and viewpoints of council members enrich the council.”¹⁹ Actively find ways these unique backgrounds and gifts can bless your branch, ward, or stake.

Consecrating Our Time and Means to Building Zion

It may take time for an extroverted bishop to understand an introverted convert or an introverted ministering sister to understand an extroverted member she visits. But striving to understand others personally, as the Lord did, strengthens our unity in the Church and our connection to our Savior.

Elder Christofferson said, “Our pioneer forebears derived a deep sense of belonging, unity, and hope in Christ by the sacrifices they made to … consecrate themselves and their means to the cause of Zion.”²⁰ We all have means to build up the Lord’s kingdom, unique and special as they are.

In this charge, we can learn from each other. After all, the Church is not one filled with one type of member; it’s filled with disciples who seek to strengthen and understand one another.

The author lives in Utah.