“31 Reasons,” Liahona, June 2024, United States and Canada Section.
31 Reasons
In my search to know if the Church was true, had I overlooked a quiet answer?
Illustration by David Green
After taking all the missionary lessons, I’d spent the previous two weeks asking questions, pondering, and learning. I read the entire Book of Mormon and spent time praying.
Every time the elders asked me if I would commit to live by what I was being taught, I answered, “Yes, if I find out the Church is true.” Originally, I said this without much intent, but slowly as I learned, thought, and prayed about the Church, I became much more sincere in both desire and effort.
However, just deciding I wanted to know wasn’t enough to suddenly bring the answer I sought. As the hours and days went by, I started to get frustrated. There was a promise right there in the Book of Mormon: “Ask with a sincere heart, with real intent, having faith in Christ, [and] he will manifest the truth of it unto you, by the power of the Holy Ghost” (Moroni 10:4). Yet that confirmation still eluded me. Maybe in the beginning I hadn’t prayed with real intent, but that changed along the way. I was sincerely searching. Why was I still not able to receive this witness?
Looking for an Answer
The elders were also praying for a way to help me recognize the Spirit. When I told them about my struggles to receive an answer, one elder, led by inspiration, asked me if maybe I had already gotten an answer and had simply overlooked it—that revelation sometimes comes in quiet answers. That advice impacted me profoundly. It caused me to really reflect upon my intentions.
The Spirit whispered to me, asking me specifically why I wanted to know if the Church was true.
This inspiration formed the basis of my prayer the next day. I shared with Heavenly Father that I desired to know if the Savior really had restored the gospel through Joseph Smith. If it was true, I was willing to be baptized and spend the rest of my life trying to be the most faithful member I could be. I also shared the concern that this would be a huge change for me—and I worried about being the only Church member in my family. I feared that if my testimony wasn’t built on a strong enough foundation, I would talk myself out of it when things got challenging. I acknowledged that He might have already answered me, and I was sorry if I’d missed it. I pleaded for another chance, repented for taking the search lightly in the beginning, and shared again my willingness to spend my life in His service if it was true.
Where Had I Seen the Lord’s Hand in My Life?
The idea came to write down all my thoughts, feelings, and experiences while learning about the gospel. I momentarily hesitated, wavering between the desire to know and the desire not to know. Fortunately, my determination won out over complacency, and I wrote the idea at the top of a yellow pad.
First, I wrote down the way I felt when I was taking the missionary lessons and my thoughts as I pondered what I learned. I remembered that I’d felt prompted to read certain scriptures that answered specific questions.
As I wrote these things down, I noticed that my frame of reference started to change. I wasn’t just remembering things from the past two weeks but from my whole life. An amazing picture of the Lord teaching and preparing me to accept the gospel over the years started to emerge. Excited, I wrote down the last few things. There were 31 in all.
As I read the list, tears came to my eyes and gratitude filled my soul. I realized I held in my hand my very own testimony of the restored gospel. It was the answer I’d been praying for. Not a grand sign or even something purely new to learn, but instead a list of the times His hand had been evident in my life and that the Spirit had touched my heart.
In a way, that missionary had been right about overlooking a quiet answer—I had simply needed to recognize the many promptings I’d received throughout my whole life.
I have pondered those few weeks, especially that day I made the list, many times in the past 20 years. I have often wondered why I was blessed to be not only introduced to the gospel but also led, guided, and prepared to accept it. That quiet answer impacted my life in ways I couldn’t have imagined during those searching days. I will be eternally grateful to Heavenly Father for the angel He sent in the form of a missionary to teach me not just His words but also how to listen to His voice.
I have tried my best to always hearken to that voice and live up to the promise that I made to Heavenly Father all those years ago. He gave me an answer I couldn’t talk myself out of, and after all this time, I wouldn’t want to.
The author lives in Massachusetts.