My Sacred Struggle to Better Understand the Priesthood

By Kate Noel Thompson

As we follow the prophet’s invitation to seek after gospel truth prayerfully, we can expect heavenly help in finding answers.

mountain peaks

Winter Peaks, by Joseph Alleman, may not be copied

Last summer I climbed a mountain. A group of friends and I started at 1:00 a.m. at the base, with the goal of reaching the summit to watch the sunrise. The first four hours were miserable. We walked in the dark, plodding onward, one foot in front of the other. It was too dark to see the top of the mountain outline, our goal, so I kept my head down, using my headlamp to light the way.

Start with a Question

When I moved away from home and started my life as an adult, I needed to find a lot of answers. I particularly struggled to know how to understand my relationship with the priesthood as a woman. I heard contradictory statements from friends, ward members, and online sources. I felt confused and unsatisfied by the answers that others gave me to explain the role of women in the Church.

The question kept coming back to me: I know that God loves me equally, but how can I feel equal to men when I have a different role? I couldn’t help but feel like having a different role meant having a lesser role. Dwelling on these questions felt like starting up the mountain at 1:00 a.m. I couldn’t see the answer yet, and searching felt dark, cold, and discouraging.

In the October 2019 general conference, President Russell M. Nelson issued an invitation, specifically directed to the women of the Church: “I entreat you to study prayerfully all the truths you can find about priesthood power.” He encouraged us to understand how we could have the same access to priesthood power as a man could. Here was a prophetic invitation to ask my questions and then devote time to studying them. President Nelson promised that as we did so prayerfully, our ability to draw upon priesthood power in our lives would increase.

Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles has said: “Asking questions isn’t a sign of weakness. It’s a precursor of growth. God commands us to seek answers to our questions and asks only that we seek ‘with a sincere heart, with real intent, having faith in Christ’ [Moroni 10:4].”

Understanding that I could have faith and have questions was key for me as I began to search for an answer. It helped me remember what I did know: God loves me; He speaks through His prophets; He wants me to feel joy. By starting my search based on this foundation, I was able to turn to good sources that I had already gained a testimony of. Specifically, there were talks by President Nelson, President Dallin H. Oaks, and other General Authorities that all taught the same truths and helped me understand how God feels about me.

The sections in the Doctrine and Covenants mentioned by President Nelson (sections 84 and 107) gave me another starting point. I could lean on the testimony I had already gained of the scriptures to support my fledgling understanding of truths about the role and value of women in God’s plan. I felt grateful for trusted family members, friends, and ward leaders who offered their thoughts and let me bounce ideas off them. It helped me the most when they would point me to other helpful resources that I could read for myself instead of giving me their opinions.

young adult woman reading

Learning about the Priesthood

I spent many hours reading and praying. Prayer helped me keep my eyes on Heavenly Father; I felt His love for me through the process of asking Him questions. Through my studies, here are just a few of the truths I learned:

• I have direct access to the power of God as I keep my covenants.

• I am given authority from God to act in my calling when I am set apart by someone with the proper priesthood authority.

• I received a gift of God’s priesthood power when I was endowed in the temple and a knowledge of how to draw upon that power.

• I can experience exaltation and return to live with God someday if I keep His commandments (see Doctrine and Covenants 25:15).

I received peace and clarity as I searched for answers to my question. While I can communicate some of the truths I learned and my process for coming to an answer, the full answer was impressed upon my soul in a way that is difficult to explain. I refer to the experience of learning these truths as a sacred struggle. As I dedicated time to pray about my questions and wrestle with them, I created space for God to teach me.

What started as an area of confusion and darkness led to specific, quiet experiences with God as the Spirit distilled knowledge or increased my patience. I have faith as I approach other questions that I can work with my Heavenly Father to feel more peace and confidence in His plan. Now I try to support those around me in their sacred struggles so that they can come to know eternal truths by the spirit of revelation.

Stand in the Light

As I climbed the mountain last summer, I experienced a gradual change. As the sun came up, my mood lifted. I could see more clearly; I felt more purpose as my goal came into view. When the sunlight finally fell directly on me, I felt like a changed person. The warmth reinvigorated me, and I found myself happy, talkative, joyful, and full of energy.

In a similar manner, dwelling on questions in the dark can sap our gospel energy. During the first half of the hike, I felt hopeless and exhausted. It seemed like I would never reach my goal. When I was walking in the light, I felt energized and optimistic, even though I still had a long way to walk. Choosing to search for answers while coming closer to Jesus Christ and moving into His light can fill us with His Spirit and help us remain hopeful as we move toward further understanding.

I still have unanswered questions, but I have faith in the basics. When I come across another question, I can approach the answer while standing firmly with Christ. I do not understand everything, but I can still keep my covenants and the commandments while I patiently wait for answers.

President Nelson has taught: “Heavenly Father is unfailingly willing to help us to know His will. And He’ll reveal it to us whenever we’re ready.” The struggle we embark on as we seek to better understand the Lord and His gospel is a sacred one because asking questions creates space for the Spirit to teach us. The prospect is exciting: we can turn to Heavenly Father, pray for revelation, and “engage in the wrestle.”

The author lives in North Carolina.

Notes

1. Russell M. Nelson, “Spiritual Treasures,” Liahona, Nov. 2019, 79.

2. See Russell M. Nelson, “Spiritual Treasures,” 77.

3. See Russell M. Nelson, “Spiritual Treasures,” 79.

4. Dieter F. Uchtdorf, “The Reflection in the Water” (Church Educational System fireside for young adults, Nov. 1, 2009), CESdevotionals.ChurchofJesusChrist.org.

5. “Every woman and every man who makes covenants with God and keeps those covenants, and who participates worthily in priesthood ordinances, has direct access to the power of God” (Russell M. Nelson, “Spiritual Treasures,” 77).

6. “Whoever functions in an office or calling received from one who holds priesthood keys exercises priesthood authority in performing her or his assigned duties” (Dallin H. Oaks, “The Keys and Authority of the Priesthood,” Liahona, May 2014, 51); see also Doctrine and Covenants 25:7.

7. See Russell M. Nelson, “Spiritual Treasures,” 77.

8. Russell M. Nelson, “The Lord Answers Questions from Inquiring Minds” (video), ChurchofJesusChrist.org.

9. See Sheri Dew, “Will You Engage in the Wrestle?” (Brigham Young University–Idaho devotional, May 17, 2016), byui.edu.