Liahona
When Spiritual Experiences Are Different from What You Expected
August 2024

“When Spiritual Experiences Are Different from What You Expected,” Liahona, Aug. 2024.

Young Adults

When Spiritual Experiences Are Different from What You Expected

By Abby Larkins

Church Magazines

Advice from my temple preparation teachers changed the way I thought about feeling the Spirit.

Gilbert Arizona Temple

Photograph of Gilbert Arizona Temple by Ronald Lee Enloe

My younger sister and I received our endowment together, just a few days before she left on her mission. I was excited to attend the temple with her, and I was ready to take the next step on the covenant path.

But that day, my emotions were everywhere. It was the end of summer. A daunting school semester loomed before me. In anticipation of moving back to college, leaving my family, and saying goodbye to my sister, I felt suddenly inconsolable.

And although the endowment ceremony was beautiful, it was a lot to take in. I understood very little and was ready to leave the moment the session ended.

My sister had a different experience. In the celestial room, she calmly and curiously asked my parents questions about the endowment and seemed to have grasped much more than I had. Meanwhile, I sat in a stupor of silence. I remember holding back tears of frustration and embarrassment that my experience was playing out so differently from hers.

I was momentarily tempted to feel bitter that I hadn’t had the experience I’d hoped for. But then I remembered two specific things that my temple preparation teachers had told me:

  1. I would likely not understand everything that happened during my first endowment session. They told me that instead of trying to make sense of it all in the moment, I should try to focus on the peaceful feeling inside the temple.

  2. I might leave the temple feeling spiritually tired and overwhelmed. And that was OK.

Their wise words slowed my spiraling thoughts and have stuck with me over the years. I believe the same counsel can help us as we reckon with expectations we have about other spiritual experiences, both inside and outside the temple.

Adjust Your Expectations

I’m happy to say that I enjoy attending the temple now, and my understanding of the endowment has grown over the past few years. But I also relate to the desire to have specific expectations for spiritual events, like receiving your endowment or going on a mission. I’ve even caught myself expecting a significant “spiritual experience” every time I visit the temple or read my scriptures.

But I’ve come to learn that always having remarkable spiritual experiences just isn’t realistic. For instance, some of my temple visits have been enlightening and uplifting, but in others I’ve struggled to concentrate or stay awake.

As Elder Gary E. Stevenson of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles recently testified: “Spiritual matters cannot be forced. You can cultivate an attitude and an environment that invite the Spirit, and you can prepare yourself, but you cannot dictate how or when inspiration comes.”

If you’re frustrated about receiving revelation or feeling the Spirit for whatever reason, here are some reminders that have helped me feel connected to Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ and move forward with faith.

Remember That the Spirit Communicates in Many Ways

While it can be inspiring to hear about others’ spiritual experiences, sometimes it’s easy to feel disappointed when our experiences aren’t like other people’s.

Comparing my temple experience to my sister’s was discouraging for me. Because I didn’t want that first experience to get in the way of my enjoying the blessings of temple worship, I had to consciously decide to move past the differences in what my sister and I felt and understood that day.

Maybe you wish you cried when you felt the Spirit. Maybe you wish you didn’t! Perhaps you feel a pang of envy when you hear stories of people who have revelatory dreams and visions. Maybe you’ve never experienced a burning in your bosom (see Doctrine and Covenants 9:8). Or maybe someone said they felt the Spirit in a situation when you just didn’t.

The good news is that the Spirit speaks to us in many ways. If your ways are different from another’s, that doesn’t mean that they’re wrong or that the Spirit isn’t communicating with you.

As we turn to Heavenly Father for help, we can learn how to recognize how the Spirit communicates with us and more fully enjoy our personal spiritual experiences. Elder Ronald A. Rasband of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles said, “We have the sacred responsibility to learn to recognize [the Holy Ghost’s] influence in our lives and respond.”

Record Your Spiritual Experiences

One way to recognize the Spirit’s influence is by recording your spiritual experiences. Whether that be in a physical journal, on an electronic note, or as a voice memo, recording your positive experiences is a powerful way to not only remember the good things you’ve felt but also become better at recognizing how the Spirit speaks to you.

If you don’t know where to start, try being mindful of moments when you feel peace, gratitude, inspiration, or joy. Elder Craig C. Christensen of the Seventy said: “To be filled with the Holy Ghost means to be filled with joy. And to be filled with joy means to be filled with the Holy Ghost [see Acts 13:52; Mosiah 4:3].”

As you do this, you may realize that you are feeling the Spirit more than you initially thought.

Prioritize Sincere Communication with God

Because we’ve been told to seek and expect both miracles and personal revelation (see Matthew 7:7–8), it can be especially discouraging when we feel like we aren’t receiving either. I’ve sometimes wondered why I should keep asking God questions when it doesn’t seem to me like He’s answering them. With this mindset, I become anxious and demanding in my attitude toward Him.

follower touching the hands of the resurrected Savior

But the scriptures tell us, “Seek not to counsel the Lord, but to take counsel from his hand” (Jacob 4:10). I notice a shift when I stop looking at revelation as my only motivation to pray and instead prioritize sincere communication with Heavenly Father. I explain my feelings to Him, describe my worries, express my gratitude, and then meekly ask for the things I lack. I feel actual connection with God when I stop looking at Him as a “cosmic vending machine,” as Elder D. Todd Christofferson of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles explained.

And though I don’t always receive an immediate or clear answer, I do know that He always listens to me. And that’s enough for me to keep moving forward.

Follow Guiding Principles

When seeking the Spirit and personal revelation, it’s important to do so within the correct framework. Quoting Preach My Gospel, Elder Stevenson said: “‘Having the guidance of the Holy Ghost in your life requires spiritual work. This work includes fervent prayer and consistent scripture study. It also includes keeping your covenants and God’s commandments. … It includes worthily partaking of the sacrament each week’ [Preach My Gospel, 101].”

He then provided four additional guiding principles for “inviting and recognizing the promptings of the Spirit”:

  1. Stand in Holy Places: “Our temples and homes are the most sacred of these dedicated spaces.”

  2. Stand with Holy People: “If you hope to feel the Spirit, be with people with whom the Spirit can easily dwell.”

  3. Testify of Holy Truths: “The Comforter always shares his voice when we testify with our voice.”

  4. Listen to the Holy Spirit: “He speaks in subtle, quiet tones. … Find a quiet place, a holy space where you can seek to receive direction from the Spirit.”

Though it may not be dramatic or happen in the way you expect, the Spirit will accompany and guide you as you do these things.

A New Perspective

As my temple preparation teachers reminded me, it’s OK to not perfectly understand the gospel or, in my case, the temple. And sometimes our spiritual seeking might leave us feeling a little worn out. It’s moments like these that can help us learn patience and reassess our relationship with Heavenly Father and the Holy Ghost.

I’ve noticed that when I’ve used those feelings to propel me to slow down, act in faith, and turn to Heavenly Father for help, my expectations of spiritual experiences have become faithful instead of anxious and restful instead of frustrating. In these moments, I feel Heavenly Father’s love for me. And as I wait for answers, that love is somehow always enough.