No Longer Lonely: 7 Ways to Connect

By Julianne Holt-Lunstad

Professor of Psychology, Brigham Young University

Loneliness is a challenge that can be conquered with some effort, emotional energy, and help from the Savior.

We will all likely experience loneliness sometimes. Occasional feelings of loneliness can actually be healthy and productive, a biological signal that we need to build stronger relationships. But ongoing loneliness is often a major obstacle to happiness.

Heavenly Father’s plan of happiness includes gathering us in families and in congregations. This helps us not only in our eternal progression but also in our human need to be among others, to feel like we belong, to give and receive emotional support. Science is beginning to recognize social connection as a biological need linked to our health and survival.

It’s also a spiritual need. We need each other for our spiritual well-being and growth. And a heaven filled with eternal relationships is a particularly joyful thought (see Doctrine and Covenants 130:2).

Consider the following ideas to combat loneliness in your life:

Rely on the Savior. Your Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ know of your loneliness and want to help. Knowing that the Savior is acquainted with the pain of loneliness can help you to know that He understands what you feel. Drawing closer to Heavenly Father and the Savior through prayer, studying the scriptures, and worship on the Sabbath and in the temple will help you know you are never alone. As President Russell M. Nelson has taught, “When the focus of our lives is on … Jesus Christ and His gospel, we can feel joy regardless of what is happening—or not happening—in our lives.”
Be friendly. Loneliness can sometimes cause us to doubt that making an effort will help lessen our pain. Do a self-examination to see if you are being pessimistic. While looking for friendships, remember that being friendly is often required. Simply saying hello to a neighbor can make a difference. And seeking opportunities to bless the lives of others who are also struggling with loneliness may be the most powerful interventions of all.
Build on common interests. Seek out people and groups whose interests, perspectives, and standards are similar to yours. You could look for (or even consider starting!) a book club, service club, hiking club, singing group, home evening group, or empty-nesters group.
Strengthen existing relationships. Most people already have relationships with family, friends, neighbors, and ward members. Nurturing these existing relationships is a great place to start when combating loneliness. Friendships take time to build naturally, so be patient as you nurture relationships. Remember that the quality of your relationships is more important than the number of relationships you have.
Seek opportunities to serve and share your talents and spiritual gifts. There are nearly unlimited opportunities to minister and serve in the Church, our families, and the community. When we feel our efforts are having a positive effect on others, it can bring a sense of meaning and purpose to our lives. Feeling that our lives have meaning to others is a strong deterrent to loneliness.
Plan for challenging times. Holidays and significant dates, such as the anniversary of a loved one’s death, can be difficult. Try to plan activities with friends or family on such days to keep from dwelling on the connections you wish you had.
Participate in temple and family history work. This is a powerful way to feel comfort and belonging. Elder Dale G. Renlund of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles promised numerous blessings we can receive, including “increased love and appreciation for ancestors and living relatives, so we no longer feel alone.”

For most people, loneliness is a challenge that can be conquered with some effort, emotional energy, and help from the Savior.