usapho luhamba phandle

Ndithetha njani nomntwana wam malunga nezesondo elisempilweni?

Abazali abaninzi baziva bethandabuza okanye beneentloni ngokuthetha nabantwana babo malunga nezesondo, okanye boyika ukuba ukuthetha nabantwana babo ngezesondo kungavuselela iimvakalelo zesondo kubo. Inyaniso kukuba, okokuba awuthethi nabantwana bakho malunga nezesondo, baya kufunda ngazo kwenye indawo. Ngokubaneencoko rhoqo nabantwana bakho malunga nezihloko ezibalulekileyo njengezesondo elisempilweni, ubanceda ukuba baqonde ukuba wena ungumntu ekukhuselekileyo ukuba baye kuye.

Uninzi lwabantwana ngokwendalo lunomdla wokwazi, kwaye lufuna ukuqonda iimvakalelo zendalo, eluzinikwe nguThixo oluzivayo. Usenokuzilungiselela ukuthetha nabantwana bakho malunga nezesondo ngokokuba ukhumbule ukuba wawunjani ngokuya wawungangabo. Yayizeziphi ezinye zeemvakalelo owawuziva? Yayizeziphi iingcinga, imibuzo, okanye iinkxalabo owawunazo? Walukhangela phi ulwazi? Unqwenela ukuba yintoni owawuyivile okanye owawufundiswe yona?

Kulungile ukuba uziva ungaqinisekanga malunga nendlela engcono yokuphatha ezi ncoko. Ungabusebenzisa ubuthathaka bakho ekwakheni ubudlelwane nabantwana bakho. Abantwana banako ukuluva uthando lwakho njengokuba unyanisile kwaye unyanisekile ekunxibelelaneni nabo, ngaphandle kwako nakuphi na ukungakhululeki onokuba uyakuva.

Ukukhuthaza unxibelelwano oluvulekileyo, :

• Ungaqalisa ngoku abantwana basebancinci ukuba ubize amalungu omzimba ngamagama wawo achanekileyo. Oku kufundisa abantwana ngemizimba yabo kwaye kubanika ulwimi abaludingayo ukuze babesempilweni kwaye babe nolwazi.

• Yazisa abantwana bakho ukuba banokukubuza nayiphi na imibuzo, kwaye ungazami ukucaphuka okanye unxulumanise iintloni kwimibuzo yabo okanye kwizivumo zabo zokona. Kholiseka kukuba bethetha nawe, babonise uthando nenkxaso, kwaye wenze kangangoko unako ukuqhubekeka unxibelelana.

• Kuphephe ukusebenzisa izikweko kwezesini. Abantwana badinga ukuba ulwazi luchazwe ngendlela ecacileyo nenyanisekileyo. Umzekelo, olunye ulutsha lubalisa ngezifundo apho ukophula umthetho wobunyulu kuthelekiswa nentlaka ehlafuniweyo okanye ukutya okugqithiselwa ukusuka kumntu uyokutsho komnye ukujikeleza igumbi kwaye ngenxa yoko akusanqweneleki. Nangona zineenjongo ezintle, ezi zikweko ziloluhlobo zivame ukukhuthaza uloyiko lwezesondo okanye iimvakalelo ezisezantsi okanye ezingalungisekiyo zokuzixabisa.

• Yibani nezifundo zangorhatya lwasekhayeni kwizihloko ezinxulumene nezesondo kwaye nivumele abantwana benu bafundise xa beziva belungele. Izihloko zisenokuquka ixesha lotshintsho olwenzeka emzimbeni, indlela umzimba okhangeleka ngayo, kunye nezinto ezintle ngezezondo.

• Xoxani ngokuqheleka kokuba neemvakalelo zesondo kunye nokuba nenkanuko yesondo. Abantwana abadingi ukuba benze intshukumo kwezo mvakalelo kodwa bangazigcina engqondweni. Oku kuthetha ukuqaphela iimvakalelo zesondo kodwa abazigwebi njengokubi. Uphando lubonise ukuba ukugcina engqondweni kungabanceda abantwana benze ukhetho olungcono olungqamene nezinto abazixabisileyo kunye neenjongo zabo.

• Zamani ukungaphenduli ngentiyo okanye ngomsindo xa abantwana bezicofa-cofa okanye xa ulutsha luvuma ukuzanelisa ngesondo. Indlela abazali abaziphendula ngayo ezi ndlela zokuziphatha ichaphazela indlela abantwana nolutsha abaziva ngayo ngeziqu zabo kunye nezesondo zabo.

• Fundisani abantwana benu ngesizathu semigangatho enxulunyaniswa nobudlelwane kunye nezesondo. Njengoko nifundisa ngale migangatho kunye nezizathu zokuba kutheni ixabisekile, khumbulani okokuba kubalulekile ukwenza njalo ngaphandle kokunyanzelisa ihlazo okanye uloyiko.¹

Isikhumbuzo

1. Amanqaku angamachaphaza acatshulwe kwaye alungiselelwe kuLaura M. Padilla-Walker noMeg O. Jankovich, “How, When, and Why: Talking to Your Children about Sexuality,” Liyahona, Thupha 2020.