Missionary Resource Guide
Addressing Pornography
Contents
If you experience urges to view pornography and are trying to remove it from your life, this guide can help. It is meant to supplement and help you apply the principles found in the section “Follow the Safeguards for Using Technology” in chapter 2 of Preach My Gospel: A Guide to Sharing the Gospel of Jesus Christ (2023, 20–22). To get the most out of this resource, be sure to review that section and the Edify Safeguards lessons.
Love
God’s Love for You
You are a child of a loving Heavenly Father. Because of His love for you, He appointed a Savior, Jesus Christ, to guide you, teach you, and help you when you struggle. President Jeffrey R. Holland of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles taught: “However late you think you are, however many chances you think you have missed, however many mistakes you feel you have made or talents you think you don’t have, or however far from home and family and God you feel you have traveled, I testify that you have not traveled beyond the reach of divine love. It is not possible for you to sink lower than the infinite light of Christ’s Atonement shines” (“The Laborers in the Vineyard,” Ensign or Liahona, May 2012, 31–33).
There Is Hope in Christ
No matter where you are on your journey, the Lord will always offer you hope, healing, and a path to safety and peace. You can turn to Him at any moment, and He will help you return to or remain on the path. “You do not have to overcome challenges on your own. Rely on the strength that comes through the Savior’s Atonement and the covenants you have made with Him. The Lord knows the challenges you face, and He will help you in this great work” (Preach My Gospel, 22).
Remember that there are no perfect people, and this includes missionaries. We are not expected to achieve perfection in this life. Though effort on our part is required, we are saved and perfected only through Jesus Christ (see 2 Nephi 2:8; 2 Nephi 10:24; Mosiah 3:17; Moroni 10:32–33). The path to perfection is a lifelong process. Be patient with yourself and others as you strive to improve with the Savior’s help.
Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles said: “There is no threshold of perfection you must attain in order to qualify for God’s grace. … God didn’t wait to find a perfect person to restore His gospel. If He had, He would still be waiting” (“Come and Belong,” Ensign or Liahona, May 2020, 105–6). If you are sincerely striving to repent, even if you stumble along the way, you are called to do the Lord’s work.
Because none of us is perfect, we all sin. This sometimes can lead to shame. Shame can lead us to hide our sins and discourage us from trying to progress and overcome them. Shame is the feeling that because of these actions, we are bad people. It is one of the adversary’s most effective tools. If you ever feel worthless or that you can never change, know that these feelings do not come from God.
On the Path to Perfection
Many people have been affected by pornography. At a seminar for new mission presidents, President Russell M. Nelson said: “Our young people are exposed to pornography whether they wish to be or not. At one point, Helaman recorded that all of his stripling warriors were wounded in battle, many of them grievously. It is very likely that many, if not most, of your missionaries, like the stripling warriors, have been or will be wounded to some degree by exposure to this addictive and destructive plague” (“To Change Minds and Hearts” [address given to select mission leaders, Feb. 17, 2015], 6, Church History Library, Salt Lake City).
If you have been affected by pornography, know that just like any other obstacle, you can overcome it if you place your burden at the feet of your Savior and take steps to replace bad habits with new ones. “If you make a mistake, including inappropriate use of technology, repent in that moment and keep trying to live His law. This is part of being a disciple of Christ” (Preach My Gospel, 21).
Learn
Self-Assessment
Pornography is any material that depicts or describes the human body or sexual conduct in a way that is intended to arouse sexual feelings. Identifying your level of pornography use can help you decide what steps you should take to overcome it. You may also find that the depth of your problem is not as ingrained or extreme as you have feared, which can reinforce your hope that change and repentance are possible and within your reach. (See Dallin H. Oaks, “Recovering from the Trap of Pornography,” Ensign, Oct. 2015, 32–38.)
President Dallin H. Oaks of the First Presidency has outlined four levels of involvement with pornography, which are described below. You can use these descriptions to assess your level of pornography use:
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Inadvertent exposure. You’ve been unintentionally exposed to pornography. Even though you have not sinned by unintentionally seeing it, pornography can still negatively affect you. It’s helpful to have a personal strategy to respond to and manage inadvertent exposure.
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Occasional use. You view pornography intentionally but irregularly. You may be in the process of repenting of pornography use, but you experience lapses. For example, there may be days, weeks, or even months between times when you view pornography. You may wish to stop using pornography, but at times you’re still strongly drawn to it.
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Intensive use. You view pornography intentionally and habitually. You may feel stressed if you are forced to go without it, but you are not addicted. However, you are likely feeling compelled to seek more and stronger stimulation.
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Compulsive use (addiction). You view pornography compulsively, often multiple times every day and perhaps for long periods of time. You’ve developed a dependency on it, and it may dominate your thoughts and feelings. It may interfere severely with your daily activities. It has a major negative effect on you and your ability to serve and have relationships with others. It seems to never leave you alone.
Although pornography use can become addictive, most missionaries who struggle with pornography are not addicted and should not be labeled as addicts. Doing so incorrectly can cause feelings of shame and make it harder for the missionary to overcome pornography use. Focus on your divine identity as a child of God and His love for you, and do not label yourself or define your worth based on the challenges you are experiencing.
Be sure to take the self-assessment in the Edify Safeguards lessons to better understand your use of pornography. A professional therapist can also help you assess whether your pornography use has reached the level of addiction.
Why Do I Feel Compelled to Look at Pornography?
There are many reasons why you may be turning to pornography. Often, people seek out pornography to deal with difficult emotions or situations. Using pornography can temporarily mask or numb these things and provide instant relief. However, it’s usually followed by sadness, shame, or another drop in mood. Repeated use can condition our bodies and minds to use pornography whenever we experience difficult emotions.
Elder David A. Bednar of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles explained that “to some degree, the natural man described by King Benjamin is alive and well in each of us (see Mosiah 3:19). The natural man or woman is unrepentant, is carnal and sensual (see Mosiah 16:5; Alma 42:10; Moses 5:13), is indulgent and excessive, and is prideful and selfish. …
“The precise nature of the test of mortality, then, can be summarized in the following question: Will I respond to the inclinations of the natural man, or will I yield to the enticings of the Holy Spirit and put off the natural man and become a saint through the Atonement of Christ the Lord (see Mosiah 3:19)? That is the test. Every appetite, desire, propensity, and impulse of the natural man may be overcome by and through the Atonement of Jesus Christ. We are here on the earth to develop godlike qualities and to bridle all of the passions of the flesh” (“We Believe in Being Chaste,” Ensign or Liahona, May 2013, 42–43).
Why Is It Important for Me to Avoid Using Pornography?
The Lord taught the spiritual danger associated with pornography use when He declared, “And he that looketh upon a woman to lust after her shall deny the faith, and shall not have the Spirit” (Doctrine and Covenants 42:23). In addition to pornography offending the Spirit, President Nelson also reminded us that pornography is addictive and urged us to avoid “anything that robs you of your agency. … Pornography … offends God. Why? Because your obsession becomes your god. You look to it rather than to Him for solace. If you struggle with an addiction, seek the spiritual and professional help you need. Please do not let an obsession rob you of your freedom to follow God’s fabulous plan” (“Think Celestial!,” Liahona, Nov. 2023, 118).
Pornography use can be harmful to you and to your current and future relationships, including your relationship with the Lord. As you repent, you will more fully enjoy the companionship of the Spirit and become a more effective servant of the Savior. The Lord needs your best efforts in His work, and He will help you succeed.
Will I Be Sent Home for Viewing Pornography?
Missionaries are not automatically sent home for viewing pornography. In fact, most missionaries are able to continue their service as they work to overcome their struggle, and inspiration is sought in each situation. While serving as a missionary, you can develop good habits, including habits related to technology use, that can bless your life long after you leave the mission field.
Worthiness Is Not Flawlessness
“The beauty of the gospel is that we can be forgiven as we repent” (Preach My Gospel, 21). Repentance is the beautiful process through which we explore how our thoughts and actions align with our Father’s plan for us, and then we adjust our thoughts and actions to better align with His will. Study Brother Bradley R. Wilcox’s talk “Worthiness Is Not Flawlessness” (Liahona, Nov. 2021, 61–62, 67). Reflect on the following:
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Worthiness is being honest and trying to improve, and it is not determined by some arbitrary date or period of abstinence.
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If you experience setbacks, don’t give up. Use them as stepping-stones to understand more about your struggles and continue your improvement. Setbacks don’t take you back to square one.
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Change is a process of growing from grace to grace (see Doctrine and Covenants 93:11–14). While your ultimate goal is to be clean from pornography use, understand that you will not get there all at once. It will take sustained and consistent effort.
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Set small, achievable goals and build on successes rather than focusing on failures.
After pondering, ask yourself: Am I being honest with myself, the Lord, and others? Am I trying to improve? How can I use potential setbacks to help me move forward? What is my understanding of the nature of repentance? Do I feel hopeful about repenting?
Act
Be Compassionate and Honest with Yourself
If you are using pornography to deal with negative emotions, your goal should be to replace this habit with healthier ones. You can start by acknowledging your emotions and by having compassion on yourself for wanting relief, which is normal. Then be honest with yourself and consider how those attempts to seek out instant relief may be making things worse for you in the long term.
Repent Daily
Repentance is a beautiful and positive thing made possible through the Atonement of Jesus Christ. Repent daily. It takes time and perseverance. Repentance is not a single event. It is an experience that takes place over a lifetime. Even after overcoming a pornography habit, you may still experience temptations or cravings. However, this does not mean all of your fasting, prayer, blessings, and spiritual efforts have been ineffective. As you repent daily, you will begin to see progress, and with that progress will come increased faith, confidence, and love for yourself and others.
Create and Follow an Action Plan
As part of your Edify Safeguards lessons, you are guided to create and regularly update your personal action plan for using technology. As you do so, please consider the following suggestions:
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Pray for guidance.
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“Be aware of your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. Understand how they can make you more vulnerable to misusing technology” (Preach My Gospel, 21). Identify physical or emotional states that can trigger a desire to view pornography—such as hunger, fatigue, anger, homesickness, stress, anxiety, discouragement, and so on—and be especially vigilant when you are experiencing them. Consider creating a list of healthy ways you can manage these feelings.
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“Nearly all challenges associated with the internet or with pornography happen in isolation. Use devices only when you can see each other’s screens. Have courage and be accountable to each other” (Preach My Gospel, 21).
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Set down your device with the screen facing down when your companion leaves the room until your companion returns.
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Turn your device off at a certain time in the evening, and do not turn it on again until a certain time in the morning.
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Do not take out or view your device during certain times of the day when you know you will be vulnerable.
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Do not bring your device into the bathroom.
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Discuss with your mission president which smartphone access level will be best for you, and make plans to work toward greater access moving forward.
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Get up and move. This could be an exercise routine, taking a walk with your companion, and so on.
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Talk to a trusted accountability partner—such as your companion, a parent, a mission leader, or a therapist or counselor—and ask them for help. (If you use pornography intensively or compulsively, you might arrange to contact this person daily to report your status.) “All missionaries should feel comfortable asking for help when needed. … [The Lord] has provided companions and leaders to help protect and support you” (Preach My Gospel, 21).
Get Support—Should I Visit with My Mission President?
Pornography use thrives through secrecy. Being honest with others gives us added power to stop. Seeking support from your mission president can be an essential part of the repentance process and is an act of faith and humility. Although it may feel scary or embarrassing, he loves you and has been called to help you. Pray for the courage to reach out and be honest with your mission president. He will support you and provide strategies and resources to build your confidence and help you address your pornography use.
In some cases, the mission president may recommend that you work with a professional therapist or counselor to access helpful tools. Working with a therapist does not mean you aren’t good enough or that your problem is extreme. All of us need help at times, and working with a counselor is no reason to be ashamed. The therapist or counselor will guide you through this process while keeping the matter as confidential as possible.
As you seek help from your mission president or others to overcome the use of pornography, be sure to also turn to Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. Your mission president can give you the tools you may need for your spiritual growth, but he cannot replace the role Heavenly Father and the Savior play in helping you to make changes. Continue to rely on Them and strengthen your relationship with Them.
Look for Patterns
Look for patterns of when you feel inclined to seek out pornography. How were you feeling? What intense emotions, stress, or pain were you experiencing? Often, there can be a trigger that prompts you to seek out pornography. Some may seek it out in times of stress, loneliness, or other distressing moments. As you develop the ability to put names to your feelings, these feelings will have less power over you.
Write about your experiences and any insights that come to you. Keep these journal entries in a safe place. You can discuss what you have learned with your mission president or companion. Understanding your feelings will be helpful when you begin to work on plans to respond to these emotions in healthier ways.
Own Your Emotions
As you turn to Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ for spiritual strength and power, overcoming pornography use is also accomplished by developing new habits to replace it. As you rely on the Savior, He will help you cope with difficult emotions. This is a process that will help you change your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. You can also reach out to Heavenly Father in prayer to feel His love for you and to ask Him to support your efforts.
In your efforts to overcome pornography, learn to be OK with feeling strong emotions without seeking instant relief. Doing this over time will help you detach the urge to view pornography from the action of actually viewing it. You will learn that you are OK without pornography because you will overcome the fear of owning your emotions.
Restrict Access
Your device has different levels of access that may help you develop good technology habits. If pornography use is a concern for you, speak with your mission president. He will help you decide whether you could benefit from a different access level on your device. As you develop better habits, your access level can be adjusted to meet your needs.
Review
Consider the following ideas to help you overcome pornography use:
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Remain vigilant, stay close to the Spirit through good habits, and practice daily repentance. Remember that Heavenly Father loves you and will hear your pleas. He will protect, guide, and support you even when you may feel unworthy of His love and help. He is always there for you.
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Regularly review the section “Follow the Safeguards for Using Technology” in chapter 2 of Preach My Gospel. Study this section individually and with your companion, district, and zone. Following its guidelines will keep you safe and help you develop good technology habits that will continue after your missionary service.
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Regularly review the Edify Safeguards lessons to continue progressing.
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Always have an action plan. Just as a sports team prepares for situations it may face in a game, it’s important for you to have an action plan that you can use whenever you encounter pornography unintentionally or feel tempted to view it. Update your action plan regularly.
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Counsel with your mission president to decide which of the four smartphone access levels is the best fit for you. For example, you may request a stricter level for a period of time. As you work with your mission president, you can create a plan to move toward greater access levels.
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Approach your journey as someone who is learning and succeeding by using your challenges to draw closer to the Savior and to become who He wants you to become. “Learn, repent, and improve. Use your experiences to continue learning and improving” (Preach My Gospel, 22).
Additional Resources
The Life Help and Self-Reliance section of the Gospel Library app (or online at ChurchofJesusChrist.org/study/life-help/pornography) contains a number of resources related to pornography. You may find helpful ideas in the manual Help for Me (2019, ChurchofJesusChrist.org). The following chapters from that manual may be particularly helpful: