Session Six

Overcoming Anger

“Who can calculate the wounds inflicted, their depth and pain, by harsh and mean words spoken in anger?”

President Gordon B. Hinckley

Session Objectives

During this session, help parents:

• Become aware of the devastating effects of uncontrolled anger on family members.

• Understand how they become angry and the need to take responsibility for anger problems.

• Learn ways to control and overcome anger.

• Develop a relapse prevention plan so that anger problems do not recur.

The Problem with Anger

President Gordon B. Hinckley taught, “Temper is a vicious and corrosive thing that destroys affection and casts out love.”¹ Satan seeks to stir up anger and cause contention in families (see 2 Nephi 28:20; 3 Nephi 11:29; Moroni 9:3).

Jack

Jack seethed with anger as he watched his son Bart, 15, swagger into the room and grab Steve, 11, by the neck, removing him from the recliner in front of the television. “You’re in my chair, stupid,” he said, menacingly. Steve winced in pain, responding feebly, “It’s not your chair.” Bart cuffed the side of Steve’s head with the back of his hand as Steve moved away from him. Bart dropped himself into the chair, picked up the remote, changed the channel to a rock music station, and turned up the volume. Months of rage welled up inside Jack. Beads of sweat formed on his forehead. His arms began to twitch and shake. I can’t stand this, he thought. Not only does he lack respect for others, but he’s deliberately defying me. He knows I won’t stand for that kind of behavior. Enraged, Jack charged over to Bart, grabbed and twisted his arm and shouted: “Who do you think you are anyway? You have no respect for anyone. All you think of is yourself.” Pulling Bart from the chair, Jack yelled: “Go to your room. I don’t even want to look at you.” Bart jerked his arm loose and strode defiantly out the front door, slamming it behind him.

A few days later, Jack and his wife recounted the episode to a counselor at LDS Family Services. “I get so angry at the kid that I can’t see straight,” he lamented. “I can’t talk to him in a civilized manner. Sometimes I say things I later regret. The problem keeps getting worse.”

Most parents get angry at their children from time to time. Feelings of anger can serve a purpose, alerting parents that something is wrong and needs to be addressed; wise parents take appropriate action to prevent little problems from escalating. Sometimes problems are complex and beyond a simple solution. Children can be rebellious and disrespectful and provoke angry feelings in their parents over and over again. Parents must not give in to angry feelings and retaliate in ways that escalate conflict.

Elder Lynn G. Robbins of the Seventy described anger as the “thought-sin that leads to hostile feelings or behavior. It is the detonator of road rage on the freeway, flare-ups in the sports arena, and domestic violence in homes.”² President Gordon B. Hinckley warned of the tragic consequences of anger, asking, “Who can calculate the wounds inflicted, their depth and pain, by harsh and mean words spoken in anger?”³ Throughout the world, angry parents assault their children verbally, physically, and sexually. Each year, millions of reports alleging child abuse are made to governmental agencies.

Anger has been described as “the most seductive of the negative emotions.”⁴ Those who become angry almost always believe their anger is justified. Some people find that expressing their rage is satisfying and exhilarating. They feel powerful and superior when they intimidate others. However, anger is addictive; it damages those who fall victim to its seductive appeal and those who become angry.

Anger is inappropriately handled in three ways—through aggression, internalization, and passive-aggressive behavior.

Aggression. Anger is expressed through physical violence (hitting, kicking, slapping, spanking, hair and ear pulling); emotional and verbal abuse (yelling, name calling, swearing, threatening, blaming, ridiculing, manipulating, demeaning); sexual abuse (incest, molestation, sexual harassment); and control and domination.

Internalization. Anger is directed toward the self, leading to self-denigration, depression, or self-damaging acts (drinking, drug use, suicide attempts, self-mutilation).

Passive-aggressive behavior. Anger is expressed in indirect actions (tardiness, irresponsibility, stubbornness, sarcasm, dishonesty, irritability, discontentment, criticism, procrastination).

Angry parents may intimidate children into obedience, but the resulting behavioral changes are often temporary. Children who comply under duress are more likely to rebel later.

The Costs of Anger

A parent is less likely to respond to a child in anger when the consequences appear too costly. Unfortunately, many parents get angry with their children because they perceive the costs of their anger to be relatively low. They are much more likely to lash out at their children than to direct their anger at a friend, an employer, a police officer, or a respected ecclesiastical leader. However, the long-term costs of venting anger at one’s children far outweigh possible benefits. Costs include the following:

• Loss of the Spirit.

• Loss of respect (for self and from family members).

• Loss of friendship and cooperation.

• Loss of self-confidence.

• Guilt and loneliness.

• Strained relationships.

• Damage to self and others.

• Children who fear rather than love their parents.

• Children who rebel, engage in delinquent behavior, and leave home at an early age.

• Children who fail in school.

• Increased risk for problems such as depression, poor health, addictive behavior, and job-related concerns.

Learning Activity: Acknowledging the Costs of Anger

Angry parents sometimes deny or minimize the consequences of their anger. Fully acknowledging those costs can increase their motivation to overcome anger problems. After presenting the information on the costs of anger provided above, invite class members to write down what their anger is costing them. If necessary, take a few minutes to help them identify the costs.

After parents have listed the costs, suggest that they look at their lists often to remind them of the consequences of acting out their anger. As they learn to control their angry feelings and as items on their lists no longer apply, they can start crossing them off—a happy reminder that they are making progress.

Causes of Anger

Some parents use anger to intimidate and control their children, to feel superior, and to avoid dealing with problems. Anger may stem from pride and selfishness, such as when a person fails to get his or her way, or from lack of meekness (patience in the face of provocation). Some individuals become angry when feeling frustrated, hurt, or disappointed.

Anger often occurs when a person perceives a threat, injustice, or mistreatment to oneself or others. The threat may be physical or emotional. For example, the person may be fearful of bodily harm, humiliation, or loss of esteem to self or others. In the opening case example, Jack felt a threat to his image as a respected father who was in control of his children’s behavior. He was concerned that others would judge him to be a powerless and ineffective parent.

Distorted Perceptions

Perceptions of endangerment are often distorted. Too often, anger results when a person wrongly judges the intent of others: “He is trying to hurt me”; “She is keeping me from getting what I want”; “He doesn’t care about my feelings”; “He is using me.”

Some individuals get angry almost without thinking. This kind of anger is often difficult to control because it occurs so quickly. In other situations, anger builds slowly as an individual perceives ongoing threats, injustice, or mistreatment. Anger also builds when the person dwells on a situation, engaging in thoughts that are often highly distorted and exaggerated.

When individuals perceive a threat and respond to someone in anger, their bodies prepare for action. Their blood pressure increases, their muscles tense, their respiration increases, and their minds focus on responding to the threat or mistreatment. This state of readiness may be released in a single, explosive verbal or physical response to the perceived threat. Or it might build slowly over time as individuals experience a series of provocations. Anger-provoking thoughts increase until a person explodes over a situation, sometimes over something minor that would normally be disregarded.

These physiological changes suggest important keys to controlling anger. The best time for a parent to act is on first noticing an increase in stress. The parent can seek additional information about the perceived threat, coming to understand it more clearly. A better understanding may reduce the perception of endangerment, decreasing the possibility of anger. Negative, anger-provoking thoughts can be replaced with more positive, calming thoughts as the person views the stressful situation more positively. The parent can consider more productive ways to respond to the threat or injustice, a response that will resolve the problem rather than cause it to escalate.

A stressed parent can also avoid situations that are likely to provoke more stress until he or she is more relaxed and in control. Then the parent can work to resolve the situation without anger.

Overcoming Anger

The following principles can help parents overcome anger-related problems. As you teach, ask the parents to find and apply the principles that work best for them.

Pray

Parents should pray with real intent for help in overcoming angry feelings. The Psalmist taught that the Lord will deliver the prayerful from the storms of life: “They cry unto the Lord in their trouble, and he bringeth them out of their distresses. He maketh the storm a calm, so that the waves thereof are still. Then are they glad because they be quiet; so he bringeth them unto their desired haven” (Psalm 107:28–30). Fasting and priesthood blessings are also helpful in overcoming angry feelings. Priesthood blessings, prayers, and fasting should be combined with individual effort to change.

Resolve Underlying Problems

Parents should talk with their children and work out the problems that provoke their anger. Most problems can be resolved peacefully. For help, parents can review session 3 (“Communicating with Love”), session 7 (“Resolving Conflict”), and session 9 (“Applying Consequences”). When addressing problems, parents should speak to their children with the same respect they would show to an employer, a friend, or a Church leader.

Take Responsibility for Anger

Parents who have an anger problem must acknowledge that they have a problem and take responsibility for it before they can overcome it. Children may provoke their parents, but the parents are responsible for how they respond. They can learn to control their anger and respond in better ways.

Some individuals excuse their anger, claiming it is a part of their cultural heritage. For example, some parents physically assault their children, justifying themselves because the behavior is widely practiced in their ethnic group. Such actions are not acceptable to Heavenly Father. Elder Richard G. Scott of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles taught that membership in the family of God takes precedence over cultural identity:

“Your Heavenly Father assigned you to be born into a specific lineage from which you received your inheritance of race, culture, and traditions. That lineage can provide a rich heritage and great reasons to rejoice. Yet you have the responsibility to determine if there is any part of that heritage that must be discarded because it works against the Lord’s plan of happiness. …

“… No family can long endure under fear or force; that leads to contention and rebellion. Love is the foundation of a happy family.”⁵

Once individuals have recognized and acknowledged a problem, they can repent and begin to overcome the problem.

Identify the Anger Cycle

If a parent is chronically angry, he or she may engage in cyclical behavior that includes four phases. Behavioral scientists have given differing names to phases of the anger cycle, but the essential elements are the same. Below is a synopsis of the cycle described by anger-management specialists Murray Cullen and Robert E. Freeman-Longo.⁶ People are most successful at controlling anger during early phases in the cycle, before the physiological build-up occurs.

Pretends-to-be-normal phase. Life runs smoothly, but anger lurks beneath the surface, affecting the way the person lives and thinks. Events or situations readily trigger habitual, distorted patterns of thinking. The person rationalizes and justifies these distortions.

Build-up phase. As the person focuses on the distorted thinking, he or she begins to feel threatened or endangered and begins to react angrily. The person’s thoughts replay familiar themes such as “She doesn’t care what I say as a parent,” or “I do all the work around here; he never helps out.” Physical cues indicate the person is becoming angry (tension, stiffness, tightness, pounding heart, rapid breathing, upset stomach, or a hot or flushed feeling). The person fantasizes and plans for acting out the anger and may engage in addictive behavior that feeds the anger (drug and alcohol abuse, overeating, overworking).

Acting-out phase. Anger is vented on others through yelling at them, demeaning them, and physically or sexually assaulting them. Or it may be turned inward through self-denigration, suicide attempts, or alcohol or drug abuse.

Downward-spiral phase. The person feels guilt and shame. Defenses then emerge, and the person tries to cover the anger by doing something generically good to prove that he or she is a good person. The person then resolves to control his or her temper. As the resolve breaks down, the person cycles back to the pretends-to-be-normal phase.

Learning Activity: Identifying Your Anger Cycle

Give participants copies of the form “Identifying My Anger Cycle,” found on page 65. Ask participants to fill in the blanks. Inform them that this activity will help them identify their anger cycle, if they have a problem with anger.

Keep an Anger Log

Keeping an anger log will increase a parent’s awareness of his or her anger cycle.⁷ The parent can learn to interrupt anger early, using the principles in this session.

Learning Activity: Keeping an Anger Log

Instruct parents to fill out an anger log whenever they experience anger during the coming week. (A sample anger log is on page 66. A blank log is on page 67. Make a copy of the sample and three or four copies of the blank log for each group member.) This exercise will help participants become aware of how they think, feel, and react when situations trigger their anger. They may become conscious of behavioral patterns that they need to change. The log will also remind them to begin thinking and acting in ways that can lead to better outcomes.

Defuse Anger-Provoking Thoughts

Parents should look for alternate explanations for the behavior about which they get angry. For example, a child who is rude to them may have had a difficult day at school. A defiant child may feel accepted only by peers who engage in unacceptable behavior. Parents should think of situations that bother them as problems that need to be resolved and opportunities to grow closer to their children, not as threatening events that demand a dramatic, angry response.

As parents challenge angry thoughts, timing is crucial. When a person reaches a high level of anger, he or she becomes irrational. When feelings approach this level, the person should get away from the situation and take time to calm down.

Just as athletes and musicians prepare through long hours of practice to perform appropriately in specific situations, parents can prepare themselves to respond appropriately when they get in anger-provoking situations. Raymond Novaco of the University of California at Irvine suggested that individuals learn to recognize the beginnings of an angry response and replace distorted thoughts with coping statements that foster a more accurate perception of the situation.⁸ In calm moments, they can mentally review statements like these: “How can I resolve this problem? I’m getting upset, but I know how to deal with it. I can manage this situation. I know how to regulate my anger. I can keep my sense of humor.”

When an actual provocation begins, a person can use these coping statements and others: “What do I want to get out of this interaction? I’m not going to gain anything by getting mad. If I get angry, I’ll pay a price I don’t want. I need to look for the positives. I can’t assume the worst or jump to conclusions. My anger is a signal that it’s time to instruct myself. I can reason this out. I can treat this person with respect.”

Learning Activity: Using Coping Statements

Invite class members to describe anger-provoking situations they typically encounter. Ask them to write coping statements that will help them avoid getting angry in those situations and to rehearse responses to anger-provoking situations using the coping statements. They can visualize each anger-provoking situation while repeating in their minds the coping statements. They should do this exercise several times a day until they incorporate the new way of thinking. This mental rehearsal will prepare them to respond appropriately in real-life situations.

Get Out of the Situation

The best time for parents to act is when they notice stress is increasing. They can learn to monitor their anger. One way to monitor anger is to imagine a thermometer that measures their anger level. If they lose control at 80 degrees, they should get out of the situation before it gets that hot. They should tell the child, “I’m getting angry. I need some time to cool down.” It’s not helpful to blame the child by saying, “You’re making me angry.”

Identify Calming Activities

Relaxing activities may include meditating, working, jogging, swimming, listening to music, or reading a book. Parents must not try to calm down by venting their anger or brooding over the incident associated with it. If they brood or vent, their anger will probably escalate. As they mentally review the incident again and again, they will most likely continue to exaggerate the situation. As they vent, they do the same, justifying in their minds the violent expression of their anger.

A sense of gratitude and an effort to look for the good in their children can help parents calm their anger. Another way of calming down is to follow the counsel of President Boyd K. Packer of the Quorum of the Twelve, who suggested that undesirable thoughts be replaced with sacred music: “As the music begins and as the words form in your thoughts, the unworthy [thoughts] will slip shamefully away. It will change the whole mood on the stage of your mind. Because [the music] is uplifting and clean, the baser thoughts will disappear.”⁹

Share Underlying Feelings

Anger is often expressed in place of feelings of hurt, fear, embarrassment, or rejection. Some individuals hesitate to share these feelings, fearing they will show weakness or vulnerability.

When individuals calmly share underlying feelings, they begin to talk about the things that really bother them, not just their animosity. When the real issues are discussed, conflicts are more readily resolved.

It often takes greater courage to be honest than to be angry. When parents share underlying feelings, they often find that their children are less defensive and more willing to work out problems. The relationship between family members improves.

Some individuals have difficulty identifying and expressing feelings connected to their anger. It may be helpful for them to explore with their spouses why they are feeling angry, looking for reasons beyond the obvious misbehavior of the child, such as concern that one is failing as a parent, or a fear that the child will not succeed. Once the parent recognizes and acknowledges the underlying feelings, he or she can talk about them with the spouse or child instead of expressing anger.

Beth

Whenever Beth attended after-school activities, she dreaded Mom’s angry response. After taking a parenting class, Mom began to share the feelings connected to her anger. “I have a fear you’re going to get in trouble, like my mother did when she was a teenager. She became pregnant and had me as a child,” she confided. “I never want that to happen to you.” Beth responded by assuring Mom of her complete commitment to the law of chastity. Mom felt reassured and more readily supported Beth’s future activities.

Learning Activity: Identifying Underlying Feelings

Ask participants to identify and label their underlying feelings when they become angry. Challenge them to acknowledge and express those feelings; in so doing, they can resolve their anger better, while learning more appropriate responses.

Seek Spiritual Change

The process of coming unto Christ involves a spiritual transformation that results in peaceful, loving behavior. As Elder Marvin J. Ashton of the Quorum of the Twelve explained, when we become truly converted the “way we treat others becomes increasingly filled with patience, kindness, a gentle acceptance, and a desire to play a positive role in their lives.”¹⁰ Anger becomes less of a problem.

The Book of Mormon describes a “mighty change” of heart that comes through conversion and discipleship—a disposition “to do good continually” (Mosiah 5:2). Paul wrote that the fruits of the Spirit are “love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance” (Galatians 5:22–23). Mormon gave the following counsel, which can apply to those who are struggling to change their angry behavior: “Pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that ye may be filled with [charity], which he hath bestowed upon all who are true followers of his Son, Jesus Christ; that ye may become the sons of God; that when he shall appear we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is” (Moroni 7:48).

As individuals change spiritually, they start to feel less anger and gain confidence that they can control angry feelings better. To help this change begin and to help it continue, they can:

• Read the scriptures each day and incorporate the teachings in their lives.

• Pray daily for help in all aspects of life, including anger problems.

• Repent and seek access to the healing power of the Atonement.

• Seek counsel from the bishop as needed.

• Set personal goals to overcome temper problems; work on one problem until they overcome it and then begin on another one.

• Pray that they will see those around them as the Lord sees them.

• Renew covenants and worship in the temple and in Church meetings.

Learning Activity: Increasing Spirituality

Invite the participants to consider writing what they will do to increase their spirituality and closeness to the Savior. Ask them to give careful thought and prayer to this subject, talking with their bishops or spouses as needed.

Prevent Relapse

Relapse prevention is the process of disrupting the anger cycle by changing thoughts and behavior and by using other intervention strategies that the person develops. Intervention strategies provide alternatives to anger build-up. Relapse prevention and intervention strategies may involve help from family, friends, co-workers, a bishop, or an instructor. Relapse prevention usually occurs during the first two phases of the anger cycle: the pretends-to-be-normal and buildup phases. The person learns to recognize and respond to risk factors (events or emotions that trigger anger) in ways that disrupt the cycle and prevent relapse. The following is an example of how a person may prevent relapse.

Pretends-to-be-normal phase. The person acknowledges an anger problem but manages it in a healthy way. He or she has an awareness of anger triggers and uses strategies to cope, such as avoiding high-risk situations, relaxing, and taking time-outs. The person actively works to resolve the conflicts and problems leading to anger.¹¹

Build-up phase. The person uses new coping strategies to limit anger level and intensity. He or she corrects and replaces negative thoughts with positive statements (“I can handle this” or “I can find other solutions to this problem”). He or she acknowledges the painful feelings underneath the anger and recognizes that these nonangry feelings are normal. The person stops addictive behaviors, including fantasizing about acting out the behavior and planning to vent angry feelings. He or she talks out the problems or, if the situation is unchangeable, writes about them. The person releases energy through physical activities and builds self-confidence by doing something he or she enjoys.¹² The person also strives for spiritual rebirth.

Learning Activity: Developing a Relapse Prevention Plan

Ask the participants to use the outline on page 68 to identify and record a plan to help prevent recurrence of their anger. Provide copies of the outline for them. Discuss how the suggestions in this session can be applied to the Relapse Prevention Plan outline. Suggest that during the coming week they prayerfully seek help from the Lord as well as help from family and selected friends as they prepare and carry out their plan.

The Peace of God

President Joseph F. Smith emphasized the importance of being kind to children instead of being angry: “When you speak or talk to them, do it not in anger, do it not harshly, in a condemning spirit. Speak to them kindly; … weep with them if necessary. … Soften their hearts; get them to feel tenderly toward you. Use no lash and no violence, but … approach them with reason, with persuasion and love unfeigned.”¹³

Individuals who apply the principles and suggestions in this session can learn to overcome their anger instead of being controlled by it. The following is an example of how one person overcame his anger:

“I used to walk around feeling like I wanted to hurt everyone I saw. Anger dominated my life. I couldn’t talk with my own wife and kids without exploding. People avoided me. I hated myself, and I hated them. I often felt like I wanted to hit someone—anyone. I would burst into a rage over the slightest provocation. I finally sought help. Through counseling I talked about a lot of things that had bothered me for a long time—problems related to my anger. I learned to think differently and to view others in a better way. I also applied gospel principles to my problem—prayer, scripture study, forgiveness. I began to feel better about myself. Over time my anger went away, and I felt in control of my life once again. Now I can interact with my family. I can enjoy socializing with others. I feel like I have my life back again.”

The Apostle Paul said, “The peace of God … passeth all understanding” (Philippians 4:7). Those who have struggled with anger know how liberating it is to feel peace and freedom from that emotion. Parents who have been shackled by anger can break free from this problem and experience peace of mind.

Parents should not forget nor underestimate the powerful influence of the Holy Ghost. As they seek help from the Lord, the Holy Ghost will comfort, support, and direct them in managing and overcoming angry feelings (see John 14:26–27; D&C 8:2–3).

Notes

1. In Conference Report, Apr. 1991, 97; or Ensign, May 1991, 74.

2. In Conference Report, Apr. 1998, 106; or Ensign, May 1998, 80–81.

3. In Conference Report, Oct. 1991, 71; or Ensign, Nov. 1991, 50.

4. Daniel Goleman, Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ (USA: Bantam Books, 1995), 59.

5. In Conference Report, Apr. 1998, 112–13; or Ensign, May 1998, 86.

6. See Men and Anger: Understanding and Managing Your Anger (Holyoke, Massachusetts: NEARI Press, 2004), 67–70. ISBN# 1-929657-12-9.

7. The idea of using an anger log is adapted from Men and Anger, 31–32.

8. Anger Control: The Development and Evaluation of an Experimental Treatment (Lexington, Massachusetts: Lexington Books, 1975), 7, 95–96.

9. “Inspiring Music—Worthy Thoughts,” Ensign, Jan. 1974, 28.

10. In Conference Report, Apr. 1992, 26; or Ensign, May 1992, 20.

11. Men and Anger, 70–71.

12. Men and Anger, 72–74.

13. Gospel Doctrine, 5th ed. (Salt Lake City: Deseret Book, 1939), 316.

Identifying My Anger Cycle

Describe the typical situations that trigger your anger (for example, spouse argues with me; bank account is overdrawn; house is in disarray):

Describe the thoughts or justifications that feed your anger (for example, my spouse doesn’t care about anyone but herself; my husband is totally irresponsible):

Describe the feelings underlying your anger (for example, disrespected, used, ignored):

Describe the physical cues that indicate you are getting angry (for example, sweaty palms, rapid heart rate, tenseness, irritability):

Describe what you do that feeds your anger (for example, dwelling on the offense, refusing to talk about it, drinking alcohol):

Describe how you act out your anger (including your worst behavior):

Describe your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors after acting out your anger (for example, relief, guilt, sorrow, contrition):

Sample Anger Log

Information Requested	Situation A										Situation B
Date and triggering event or person:	10/19 Argument with husband.										10/20 Kids misbehaving.
Intensity of my anger:	Mild								Severe		Mild								Severe
	1	2	3	4	5	6	7	8	9	10	1	2	3	4	5	6	7	8	9	10
Thoughts feeding my anger:	He’s a jerk. Doesn’t care about me.										Kids never listen. Don’t respect me.
Feelings underlying my anger:	Unloved, ignored, unappreciated.										Used, ignored.
How I dealt with my anger:	Screamed at him. Called him a jerk.										Calmly told them to go to their room until they could behave.
Self-talk in dealing with anger:	He deserves to be punished. He hurt me. I’m only paying him back.										They were just being children. They weren’t trying to defy me.
Success in controlling my anger:	None								Great		None								Great
	1	2	3	4	5	6	7	8	9	10	1	2	3	4	5	6	7	8	9	10
What seemed to help:	Nothing I did helped. What I did made it worse.										Took a time out. Went for a walk, and then talked with the kids.
Suppressed, vented, or resolved anger:	Suppressed feelings after my outburst.										Talked out my frustrations.
What I’ll do better next time:	Not react. Calm down before I talk.										Nothing. I did well this time.

Adapted from Murray Cullen and Robert E. Freeman-Longo, Men and Anger: Understanding and Managing Your Anger (Holyoke, Massachusetts: NEARI Press, 2004), 33–34. ISBN# 1-929657-12-9.

Anger Log

Information Requested	Situation A										Situation B
Date and triggering event or person:
Intensity of my anger:	Mild								Severe		Mild								Severe
	1	2	3	4	5	6	7	8	9	10	1	2	3	4	5	6	7	8	9	10
Thoughts feeding my anger:
Feelings underlying my anger:
How I dealt with my anger:
Self-talk in dealing with anger:
Success in controlling my anger:	None								Great		None								Great
	1	2	3	4	5	6	7	8	9	10	1	2	3	4	5	6	7	8	9	10
What seemed to help:
Suppressed, vented, or resolved anger:
What I’ll do better next time:

Adapted from Murray Cullen and Robert E. Freeman-Longo, Men and Anger: Understanding and Managing Your Anger (Holyoke, Massachusetts: NEARI Press, 2004), 33–34, 117. ISBN# 1-929657-12-9.

My Relapse Prevention Plan

Normal Phase

Anger Triggers:

Coping or Escape Strategies:

Actions to Solve Problems Leading to Anger:

Build-up Phase and Use of Interventions

Anger Triggers:

Coping or Escape Strategies: