“Why can’t I date when I am 15?” New Era, Feb. 1975, 8–9
“Why can’t I date when I am 15? I have nonmember friends who are permitted to date at this same age by their parents.”
Answer/Bishop Vaughn J. Featherstone
As I have listened to the counsel of the Brethren through the years, there seems to be a general sentiment among them that dating, on a one-boy-with-one-girl basis, should be postponed until the mid to late teens and that going steady should be a part of only marriageable-age dating.
In the pre-1960s Elder Mark E. Petersen said that early dating often leads to early and unsuccessful marriage. President McKay said, “Going steady too young oftentimes leads to intimacies which are encouraged by dating with one partner only.”
The pamphlet For the Strength of Youth, which is endorsed by the First Presidency, counsels, “When young people enter senior high school (approximately Laurel-Priest age), they may appropriately date with the consent of their parents, who are the best judges as to whether they are mature and responsible enough for this kind of young adult experience.”
May I give my personal feelings on this matter. We have six sons, and we decided not to permit them to date on a one-boy-one-girl basis until they are 16.
I recently talked to a stake Aaronic Priesthood MIA president who remarked that a great deal of mental maturing occurs between 15 1/2 and 16 and that she certainly could see the wisdom of a person waiting until 16 to date. I think President Kimball gives us strong direction in this. In a talk, “Save the Youth of Zion,” delivered in 1965 at June Conference, he said, “Early dating, especially early steady dating, brings numerous problems, much heartache, and numerous disasters. The early date often develops into the steady date, and the steady date frequently brings on early marriage, of which there are hundreds of thousands with 16- and 17-year-old brides. Early marriages often end in disillusionment, frustration, and divorce, with broken homes and scarred lives. Far more high school marriages end in divorce than marriages of more mature young people. Dating, and especially steady dating, in the early teens is most hazardous. It distorts the whole picture of life. It deprives the youth of worthwhile and rich experiences. It limits friendships and reduces acquaintances which can be so valuable in selecting a partner for time and eternity.”
In my own experience I will recall a mother who visited her bishop. She said, “We have given my daughter permission to date, and she is just 15. She is more mature than other girls her age.” Physically she was more mature than other girls her age, and the mother felt totally justified in letting this young lady date. Of course, the bishop counseled very strongly against it, but to no avail. Within a short time the daughter came in alone to see the bishop, heartbroken and carrying a burden of guilt that a person so young—any person, in fact—should never have to carry.
How foolish we are to suppose that when the prophets speak—President Kimball, Elder Petersen, President McKay, President Lee, and all of the latter-day prophets have spoken on this subject—how foolish we are to ignore their counsel and advice and to make decisions contrary to theirs. My personal counsel to our youth would be to follow the prophet, obey his counsel, walk in the footsteps he would have you follow, and remain clean and pure. In due time you will have the opportunity to date, and at that time, hopefully, you will be mentally mature and able to handle the new emotions and feelings that swell inside the normal young person’s physical body. The odds for remaining clean and pure and going worthily to the sacred altars in the temple, never having transgressed the moral code, very much favor those who do not date until they are 16.
Now, my dear young friends, the Lord doesn’t always tell us why. We simply get direction and sometimes have to trust. Often your parents will not be able to tell you why they feel you shouldn’t date until you are 16; the bishop cannot give you all of the reasons. All they know is that they feel at peace in their heart with this decision, and that is probably the greatest answer that can be given. Follow their counsel, obey your parents, and know the decisions you make in this very serious matter will have eternal implications.
Satan is desirous of destroying every young person in the Church and frustrating God’s work. This will not happen, for our youth have been given a clear signal. We are confident that as you mature and grow in the gospel you will come to anchor your souls to the Savior. You will find strength beyond anything you have ever known. There will never be a temptation come to you that will be too great to bear. There will always be a way to escape. God will watch over you and bless you; trust in him, be prayerful, study the scriptures, attend your meetings regularly, and choose your friends wisely. Make this a matter of great and significant prayer.
My young friends, all I can say to you is, I feel at peace with this decision in my home. Each family head must make the decision. The Church will not make it. We only offer guidelines.
God bless you always and keep you clean and pure.