Fitting In

by Lisa A. Johnson

Editorial Associate

How two brothers in California learned to be accepted without really trying.

Being accepted.

It’s something most people long for, dream of, and at times will go to great lengths to achieve. To some, that euphoric sense of true belonging is slipperier than raw egg, and the harder they try to grasp it, the more it oozes through their fingers.

To others, fitting in comes naturally. It seems as if the environment conforms to them, rather than their conforming to the environment.

That’s the way it is with Brent and Bill Hiltscher of Fullerton, California. Fitting in was never these brothers’ main object in life, but it sort of happened to them on their way to other goals.

It’s obvious that they’re well liked at school. They’re accepted by most everyone from “heavy metalers” to “brains.” Instead of the typical wave or nod, the Hiltschers greet their friends on campus with a hug or a pat on the back. As proof that they really do fit in, the students at Fullerton High, who number about 1,200, voted the two seniors in as president and vice-president of the student council.

So what’s their secret? How is it that these brothers are so well accepted by so many diverse groups? They don’t spend much time thinking about it, but when pressed, Brent will tell you, “You just have to know who you are and where you’re going. We have certain morals and values, and we’re open about them. We can never let those down, or people will lose respect. I guess people just know what they can expect from us.”

And what can people expect from them? Well, they can count on them to be trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful …

Okay, okay, it may sound a little Boy Scoutish, and both boys have received their Eagles, but the strange thing is that it works. By combining values learned in Scouting with other Christlike qualities learned in Church and from their parents, they’ve developed personalities that people like and trust. They know how to be a good friend, and who doesn’t appreciate that?

In fact, Bill says that integrity is probably the thing he values most in life. “If I can’t be honest, I can’t be anything,” he says. “It’s like with reading the scriptures. I’ve made a solemn vow to read the scriptures, either three chapters or fifteen minutes a day. The integrity in living up to that is extremely important to me. I would be really hard on myself if I ever broke that.” The people at school know they can count on that kind of integrity to carry over into friendship.

They’ll both tell you that the Church and its teachings have helped them in every phase of their lives. From the time they first became brothers, gospel teachings were evident. Brent was adopted as a baby, and Bill, along with his sister Karla, was adopted from Korea at the age of five. In preparing five-year-old Brent for his new brother and sister, their father, Roland Hiltscher, told him, “You know, your toys and things will be new to them when they first come. What will you do if they break them?”

“I’d tell them that’s all right, because sometimes I break them too,” responded Brent.

More recently, their church experience helped them with their election. Since they’d been brought up giving talks in church, they weren’t too nervous when they had to give speeches to the entire student body. And they say that leadership positions in the Church help them with leadership positions at school.

The brothers claim that seminary has also helped them. “Going to church just once a week wouldn’t cut it,” says Brent. “Around school, it’s not always easy thinking about church things. But if you go to seminary every day, it helps you keep your mind where it should be.”

With all that involvement, however, they don’t flaunt their religion. “I don’t run around saying, ‘Ho—I’m a Mormon, so I’m cool, and you’re not,’” Bill says. “But I don’t try to hide it from anyone. It’s just a fact of my life—like having dark hair. If other people accept it, fine. If they don’t, that’s fine too.”

People usually accept it. Mormonism is pretty widespread in southern California, and most people have at least a marginal knowledge of it. But there are some people in the community who are decidedly anti-Mormon. How do Brent and Bill handle that? “Some of our friends hear wild, terrible stories about the things we supposedly believe, but most of them realize that what they’ve been told is wrong,” says Brent. “They get a pretty good impression of what Mormons are about and what we do by the way we act.”

But there is also a lonely side to being known as LDS. As well liked as the Hiltschers are, there are some activities, particularly on the weekends, that the brothers are excluded from. “Sometimes we wish there wouldn’t be drinking at the parties so we would go,” Brent explained. “But it’s not like we wish we could drink. A lot of weekends, we just go our separate ways from our school friends.”

What do they do then? They found an answer one weekend when they decided to throw a party of their own. They had lots of games, lots of food, and lots of fun. That showed their school friends that you can have fun without drinking. The Hiltschers are also heavily involved in Church and school activities, homework, stake dances, service projects, part-time jobs (Bill tutors, Brent assists their father with his professional photography). They don’t have an awful lot of time to sit around and mope.

Now, just because these two brothers share the same standards and values doesn’t necessarily mean they’re clones of each other. “We both have a lot of strengths and weaknesses,” says Bill. “But it seems that my weaknesses are Brent’s strengths, and vice versa. I sometimes think that a better person would be made if you combined us both in one. For example, in academics, Brent seems to have this talent for English, history, and social science, while I have a talent for math and sciences.”

And the differences don’t stop there. They range from taste in food (Brent likes it plain and simple, Bill likes it hot and spicy) to basic personality types—Bill goes more with his mind, while Brent goes more with his heart. Bill leans more toward being intellectual, while Brent leans more toward being athletic, although they’ve both participated in sports and get good grades. Their differences show, though, that there is not one ideal way to be in order to be accepted.

Fitting in with your family is another important aspect of acceptance that the Hiltschers talk about. “Our parents are really supportive of the things we do, but we had to earn their trust,” Brent says. “Back in junior high, it seemed like they wouldn’t let us do anything we wanted to, but now they trust us.”

How did they earn that trust? “By hanging around with good people who have the same standards we do, for one thing,” says Bill. “Our parents know that we won’t go out looking for trouble with our friends. We also always try to be where we say we’ll be when we say we’ll be there, and we call if we’re going to be late. That helps,” he adds.

All this doesn’t mean these two are perfect, by any stretch of the imagination, and they’ll be the first to tell you that. Like any brothers, especially so close in age (they’re four months apart), they have their fights. And fears and pressures affect them as much as anyone else. Brent’s main fear in life is of unintentionally offending someone. Bill worries about the future and what it will hold for him.

The near future, however, they have mapped out already. Once they graduate from high school, they’ll attend college until they’re 19, and then serve missions. There will be more schooling when they return. Bill is thinking about becoming an engineer or architect, and Brent would like to maybe teach high school, or join in the family photography business.

Wherever they fit in the future, they’ve managed to fit in the present pretty well. Their secret lies in Bill’s advice to others: “Don’t try to change yourself to fit in with someone else. Know who you are. Then look around and find others who fit with you.”

Photography by Lisa A. Johnson and Roland Hiltscher

Speaking at church prepared Bill and Brent for duties as student body officers at school. Family support like that given by their sister Karla, far left, helped too.

The LDS students may seem few when mixed in with the rest of Fullerton High, but together they form a strong group that’s willing to give the school its best.