Q&A:
Questions and Answers

The New Era’s and readers’ answers are intended as help and perspective, not as pronouncements of Church doctrine.

“What should I do when friends ask about the Church but only want to debate?”

New Era

• Conversion comes through the Spirit of the Lord, not the spirit of contention.

• If the Holy Ghost can’t be present, put off the conversation until He can.

• Prepare yourself. The more you know about the gospel and the stronger your testimony, the better you’ll be able to answer others’ questions.

• Visit www.mormon.org for answers to many of the questions you might be asked.

• Pray for help to know what to say and that your friends’ hearts will be softened.

• Let your example speak for you when others won’t listen to your words.

You’ll never debate someone into the Church, even if you have a dozen logical arguments on your side.

“Intellectual things—reason and logic—can do some good,” taught Elder Bruce R. McConkie (1915–85). “But conversion comes and the truth sinks into the hearts of people only when it is taught by the power of the Spirit” (quoted by Dallin H. Oaks, Ensign, Mar. 1997, 9).

Avoid Debate

The “spirit of contention … is of the devil” (3 Ne. 11:29). So if your friends only want to debate, you could excuse yourself from the conversation. Getting out of a debate with friends can be hard. Offer a quick prayer and ask the Lord for help. Then do your best, trusting He will guide you.

You might let your friends know that the way they debate your beliefs makes you uncomfortable and hurts your feelings. They may not realize this. You could tell them that if they’re really interested in knowing more, you’d be happy to invite them to a Mutual activity or to Sunday meetings.

Prepare Yourself

If these situations happen regularly, spend some time praying about how you should handle them. Pray that your friends’ hearts will be softened. Pray to know when you should approach them at a time when the Holy Ghost can be there too. Trust and pray that the Lord will prepare your friends while you work to prepare yourself. Study scriptures and talks related to the questions they ask.

“Become lifelong students of the scriptures and the restored gospel of Jesus Christ so that you might always be prepared to courteously and respectfully help clarify misunderstandings about our Church as they occur with those of other faiths,” said Elder M. Russell Ballard (Ensign, June 1998, 68).

A good resource is www.mormon.org, where you can find the Church’s responses to many of the questions members often encounter.

Bear Testimony

No matter the situation, you can rely on your testimony. So be sure you’re doing everything you can to strengthen it. When you tell friends about your beliefs, don’t be afraid to stand up for what you know is right, but try not to offend. You can share how the gospel has blessed you without putting yourself above them or tearing down their beliefs.

“We bear testimony and witness of Him. But we need not do so with arrogance or self-righteousness,” said President Gordon B. Hinckley (Ensign, May 1998, 5).

Be a Good Example

Never underestimate the power of your example. Don’t argue, but don’t be ashamed of the gospel. Your example will affect your friends long after they’ve forgotten what you’ve said. It can have a greater effect on them than you may ever know.

“To argue or debate over sacred things usually generates much more heat than light.”
—President Boyd K. Packer, Acting President of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, “The Peaceable Followers of Christ,” Ensign, Apr. 1998, 65.

Readers

In my high school, my sister and I were the only members of the Church, and often our beliefs were ridiculed or misunderstood. When I realized that trying to explain my convictions wasn’t effective with most people, I decided to speak by living my standards. When they noticed I was living differently, some of them approached me to inquire about the Church.
Elder Daniele Bressan, 22, Italy Catania Mission

We should remember to pray for guidance to say the right things so that even if everything doesn’t go exactly how we want, we will know that we said what the Lord wants.
Erica Lindley, 15, Shanghai Branch, China International District

I grew up where there were a lot of misconceptions about the Church. No matter how wrong I proved them, people would never believe, because the Spirit wasn’t there. I’ve found that the only thing to do is say, “This is what I know. If you want to know, you have to find out for yourself from firsthand experience.”
Elder Jared Paredes, 19, Canada Montréal Mission

When I am placed in those frustrating situations, I have to step back and realize that I can’t force the gospel on anyone. Maybe they just aren’t ready to accept the truth. All you can do is explain to them that you are happiest when you are choosing to be obedient to the principles of the gospel. Then hope you have helped plant a seed in their hearts.
Cara Scoville, 18, Parkway Eighth Ward, South Jordan Utah Parkway Stake

Just bear your testimony and challenge your friends to find out what the Church and gospel are all about. The Spirit of the Lord will touch the hearts of your friends who have a desire to know. Even though people may twist your words, the truth shows and teaches them through your example.
Lisa Cannon, 18, Medford Sixth Ward, Medford Oregon Stake

It’s good that your friends are asking questions about the Church. Be positive, and tell them some of the blessings the gospel has brought into your life. Remember, the gospel is one of peace.
Elder Owofre Edem John, 22, Ghana Accra Mission

Ask your friends if you could talk to them later, after school or on the phone. This way you could prepare yourself for what they might ask. I believe that if you are prepared each day, you will be able to answer those hard and uncomfortable questions that arise.
Julianne Seegmiller, 15, Fairfield First Ward, Fairfield California Stake

Sometimes you just need to walk away. The Spirit can’t testify to someone when they are arguing. Talk about it another time when they really want to listen and learn.
Krisina Lewis, 13, Highland Ward, Murray Utah Parkway Stake

Photograph by Welden C. Andersen, posed by models