“Keeping the Faith on the Front Line,” Ensign, June 2020
Digital Only: Young Adults
Keeping the Faith on the Front Line
By President Dallin H. Oaks
First Counselor in the First Presidency
From a devotional address given to young married couples at the Los Angeles California Santa Monica Stake Center on August 24, 2018. For a shorter version of this article, see “Answers to Seven Questions from Young Married Adults” in the print and digital versions of the June 2020 Ensign.
The best answer to any question that threatens faith is to work to increase faith in the Lord Jesus Christ.
Photographs by Bruce Johnson
Some people wonder whether the leadership of the Church know what is going on in the lives of members much younger than they and in conditions much different than those in which they live. Brothers and sisters, we know much more than you suppose.
You know we are constantly traveling to be with our members all over the world. What you may not know is that every week we receive reports from the most knowledgeable professionals in every field of concern in a worldwide Church—economics, politics, social sciences, law, diplomacy, social issues, and so forth.
All of that is the world in which we live, but we are even more intensely informed about our own members—the challenges they face in medical care, mental health, public schools, higher education, employment, the marketplace, retirement, and in their personal relations such as marriage, childbearing, adoption, child-rearing, challenges to faith such as questions about Church history, same-gender attraction, transgender issues, and so on.
We struggle to be informed. We struggle to be close to our members, who number about 16 million in about 150 nations. We pray for you, just as you pray for your leaders. Most of all, we pray for inspiration in what we teach and what we require by way of Church meetings and policies and programs. We seek to follow our Savior’s great teaching that we leaders should be the servants of all (see Mark 9:35).
On the Front Line
We know that you young marrieds are on the front line of what is vitally important to the Church. You are the rising generation and you are raising the next generation. You are doing what is vitally important to the Church in our day. We love you for that and for your faithfulness in pressing forward with what is most important to all of us.
You face what must seem to be insurmountable obstacles. You are raising children in an environment with overwhelming information and attitudes that are hostile to the mission and teachings of the Church. Respected institutions and respected leaders challenge the existence of right and wrong, time-honored standards for civilized behavior, and other fundamentals of a civilized society such as self-reliance and belief in God.
Part of your challenge concerns the Church. Your generation has grown up with an avalanche of information about the history of the Church that is new to many and concerning to some. The time-honored principles of relying on and trusting in the Lord and His servants are questioned by some. In addition, many of our members—and you are surely among them—live in areas where they are a small minority. They must necessarily associate with and sometimes be governed and taught by persons who have radically different beliefs and standards. We are taught to love our neighbors, but it is not easy to love and live with those who have different standards and sometimes challenge us and our standards in a persuasive or even threatening way.
Adding to the complexity of the challenges you face personally and with your children is the reality of what I will call the environment of mental illness. Scholars tell us that in 2014 one in five of the U.S. population between the ages of 18 and 25 had a mental illness.1 This reaches down to younger ages and causes overall anxieties and significant overload among mental health counselors.
We are told that between 2008 and 2016, there was a 40 percent increase in college students being diagnosed or treated for depression, and a 70 percent increase in diagnosis of or treatment for anxiety.2 Truly these are difficult times for your generation, and it is not surprising that you young marrieds look to Church leaders for help in doing what you need to do and teaching your children what you need to teach them.
Striking a Balance
I will now address some preliminary questions: “While the Church says and teaches that the most important thing is family, why are there so many meetings and activities that take us away from our families for a significant amount of time on a regular basis? How do we strike a balance between the heavy Church workload and being there with and for our young families?”
We have spent many hours talking about how we can simplify our Church programs to perform their essential function for a wide variety of family circumstances without posing the problem described in that excellent question. The two-hour Sunday meeting schedule came out of those discussions.
As part of that, I wish to say how much we as General Authorities value the experience and voice and wisdom of our sister leaders—particularly the General Officers with whom we meet regularly at Church headquarters. These sisters were consulted frequently on recent important announcements, and their advice was embodied in all of them.
Many years ago, President Boyd K. Packer (1924–2015) told the members of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles that in all of our meetings we should remember Church members who are in very poor economic circumstances. We should pretend that they are present in our councils and asking us to help them. That same reminder applies to young marrieds with children. We pray for you. We think of you. And we are mindful of your circumstances as we consider Church issues.
President Packer taught, “The ultimate purpose of all we teach is to unite parents and children in faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, that they are happy at home, sealed in an eternal marriage, linked to their generations, and assured of exaltation in the presence of our Heavenly Father.”3
We Can All Do Better
Recently, I joined several Church leaders in recording a multistake conference broadcast to our members in Chile—73 stakes. Elder D. Todd Christofferson’s talk had an important message about fathers, which I share with my strong endorsement:
“The scriptures tell us, ‘The Melchizedek Priesthood holds the right of presidency, and … to administer in spiritual things’ (Doctrine and Covenants 107:8). Brethren, this means that we are to take the lead in our marriage and families in attending to the spiritual as well as physical welfare of our wives, children, and even extended family. …
“Unfortunately, in some homes it is always the wife and mother who has to suggest—even sometimes plead—that the family gather for prayer or for home evening. This should not be. The women in our lives have the right to look to their husbands to assume their duty and to take the lead. A husband should counsel continually with his wife about the welfare of each of their children. … Most sisters are willing and eager to counsel with their husbands and can provide many helpful insights and recommendations, but it will be easier for them if their husband takes the initiative to talk with them and to plan together.”4
Brethren, rise up to your responsibilities to lead your families in righteousness.
All of us—husbands and wives—can do better. We must do better. But we are doing better than we assume in our most discouraging times. I recall a memorable moment in a famous movie, The African Queen. Two refugees from World War I violence in East Africa, played by Humphrey Bogart and Katharine Hepburn, are fleeing downriver in an old boat, trying to reach the relative safety of Lake Victoria. After they survive many near disasters, the African Queen becomes stranded in a marsh. Unable to tell which way the current is flowing, and surrounded by high growth that blocks their view in all directions, the two refugees become disoriented and discouraged.
At the end of their energy and faith, they are about to give up and die. Then, in a moment of high drama, the camera through which we are viewing their peril rises, and with new perspective we see their true location. Out of sight to them, but there in its glorious beauty just a few meters away, are the long-sought liberating waters of Lake Victoria.
This movie scene is like our lives. The gospel of Jesus Christ explains our journey in mortality and shows us our destination in eternity. Like the refugees on the African Queen, we are fleeing evil and disaster, and we are closer to our destination than we think.
The Lord’s Way vs. the World’s Way
You are people of faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. You know the importance of making and keeping covenants and of living so that you prepare for eternal life. In contrast, we all know people who make no plans for next year or the decades that follow and who have no concern for what happens after we die.
I once read about a person who asked to have his name removed from membership in the Church. He said that the Church was not providing for his needs—was not helping him with his daily life. This caused me to think about the teachings recorded in the sixth chapter of the book of John. There we read of Jesus expanding five loaves and two fishes to feed a multitude of about 5,000. At the end of the day, He sought to leave the multitude by taking a ship across the Sea of Galilee, but many boarded ships and followed Him.
When they overtook Him, He challenged their motives. He said, “Ye seek me … because ye did eat of the loaves, and were filled” (John 6:26). In other words, they sought Him to provide for their immediate needs, not to receive the unique message only He could give them. Jesus taught:
“Labour not for the meat which perisheth, but for that meat which endureth unto everlasting life, which the Son of man shall give unto you. …
“… I am the bread of life: he that cometh to me shall never hunger; and he that believeth on me shall never thirst” (John 6:27, 35).
Then the scriptures record, “From that time many of his disciples went back, and walked no more with him” (John 6:66). Those who left Jesus were not willing to partake of the spiritual bread and water He gave them. Similarly, there are those who leave the Church of Jesus Christ because this Church does not seem to provide for their needs today but, like Jesus’s teachings, concentrates on what will give life everlasting.
As has been true throughout history, in this life we must choose between Jesus’s way and the world’s way. Of course, we know that we must meet the requirements of the world in many ways, including the need to earn our daily bread and pursue the education and other activities that will allow us to do so. But we should never lose sight of our priority on the things of eternity—the bread of life—that the Savior and His Church will provide us.
Following the Lord’s way is not easy. The Lord has warned us, directly and through His servants, that the world will hate us for doing things differently—the Lord’s way. In the concluding days of His ministry, He told his Apostles, “If you were of the world, the world would love his own: but because ye are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of the world, therefore the world hateth you” (John 15:19).
The world will not only hate us but will also surround us with examples and influences that try to pull us down.5
Increase Faith in Jesus Christ
I hope all Latter-day Saint marriages are loving and free from serious conflict over important values and priorities, but we know that some are not. A faithful wife submitted this question: “My spouse has gone inactive due to doubts regarding Church history and doctrinal issues. As someone who believes in the gospel and wants to remain active, how should I go about researching and responding to these issues?”
I suggest that research is not the answer. References to the Church’s many helps to answer familiar questions, such as the Gospel Topics Essays at ChurchofJesusChrist.org, may help one who is sincerely seeking, but the best answer to any question that threatens faith is to work to increase faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. Conversion to the Lord precedes conversion to the Church. And conversion to the Lord comes through prayer and study and service, furthered by loving patience on the part of the spouse and other concerned family members.
Questions and Principles
Here are two of your questions I studied in preparation for this meeting:
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“What can we do to maintain membership and faith in our rising generation that increasingly sees the Church’s stance on the LGBT community as intolerant and inconsistent with our local and national laws, and how should we talk to our children as they learn about these issues at school?”
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“Leaders have taught that people are not born with same-gender attraction. I believe that, but I have friends who have recognized these attractions even early in their lives. How can we give them hope of living a happy and fulfilling life when they don’t see a traditional marriage while on earth?”
I have received questions like these, and many more, in hundreds of letters over the past 30 years. Here are some general principles that have been helpful to me and, I hope, will be helpful to those who have faith in the doctrine and leaders of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
First, consider these inspired assurances:
“You are a son or daughter of God, and our hearts reach out to you in warmth and affection. Notwithstanding your present same-gender attractions, you can be happy during this life, lead a morally clean life, perform meaningful service in the Church, enjoy full fellowship with your fellow Saints, and ultimately receive all the blessings of eternal life.”6
Second, I share these words from a talk I gave a few years after the First Presidency’s inspired statement just quoted:
“There are many political, legal, and social pressures for changes that confuse gender, deemphasize the importance of marriage or change its definition, or homogenize the differences between men and women that are essential to accomplish God’s great plan of happiness. Our eternal perspective sets us against such changes. …
“God’s love is so great that He requires His children to obey His laws because only through that obedience can they progress toward the eternal destiny He desires for them. Thus, in the Final Judgment [which follows the universal Resurrection] we will all be assigned to the kingdom of glory that is commensurate with our obedience to His law.”7
The Apostle Paul described these kingdoms in his letters to the Corinthians (see 1 Corinthians 15:40–42; 2 Corinthians 12:2). He referred to the highest of these as “celestial” (1 Corinthians 15:40). For us, “eternal life” in the celestial, the highest of these glories, is not a mystical union with an incomprehensible spirit-god. As noted earlier, eternal life is family life with a loving Father in Heaven and with our progenitors and our posterity.8
Eternal life is the purpose and the principal preoccupation of the restored Church of Jesus Christ. All lesser glories have other advocates.
Third, in my persistent prayerful ponderings, I have never found a better, shorter answer to the innumerable questions on this subject than a thorough knowledge of and total faith in the love of our Heavenly Father and the plan of salvation He has established for the blessing of all of His children. The central truth of that plan is the Atonement of His Only Begotten Son, our Savior, Jesus Christ. If we trust in the Lord and trust in His plan, we will have the strength to resist the satanic imitations and satanic temptations to abandon our quest for eternal life, “the greatest of all the gifts of God” (Doctrine and Covenants 14:7).
I spoke of this subject in another conference talk nearly 30 years ago. Here is what I said then and still believe to be true and helpful:
“Although Satan and his followers have lost their opportunity to have a physical body, they are permitted to use their spirit powers to try to frustrate God’s plan. This provides the opposition necessary to test how mortals will use their freedom to choose. Satan’s most strenuous opposition is directed at whatever is most important to the Father’s plan.” This includes Satan’s priority efforts “to confuse gender, to undermine marriage, and to discourage childbearing (especially by parents who will raise children in righteousness).
“Maleness and femaleness, marriage, and the bearing and nurturing of children are all essential to [our Heavenly Father’s] great plan of happiness. Modern revelation makes clear that what we call gender was part of our existence prior to our birth. God declares that he created ‘male and female’ (D&C 20:18; Moses 2:27; Gen. 1:27). Elder James E. Talmage [1862–1933] explained: ‘The distinction between male and female is no condition peculiar to the relatively brief period of mortal life; it was an essential characteristic of our pre-existent condition.’”9
I now continue with some suggestions for parental teachings. Children raise questions. Answering their questions in an appropriate way is one of the most important things parents can do. One of the wise teachings of President Gordon B. Hinckley (1910–2008) is that when you are faced with a difficult question and don’t know the answer, be positive and tell what you do know. He provided some wonderful examples of that wisdom many years ago in his interview with Mike Wallace on CBS’s 60 Minutes. Here is my favorite:
Mike Wallace: “There are those who say, ‘This is a gerontocracy. This is a church run by old men.’”
President Hinckley: “Isn’t it wonderful to have a man of maturity at the head, a man of judgment who isn’t blown about by every wind of doctrine?”10
Another good example of a positive statement in response to a difficult question was experienced many years ago by Elder Angel Abrea, then a member of the Seventy. One of our missionaries, a Peruvian, was murdered on a street in Peru. Elder Abrea was sent to represent the leadership of the Church at the funeral.
He called on the mother of the murdered missionary. She was a widow and this was her only son. In tears, she asked the agonized question, “Why, Elder Abrea, why?” He didn’t know what to say and stood silent, pondering why the only son of a widowed mother would be taken from her. Then the mother answered her own question with these words: “Well, one thing I do know. I will see my son again, in the time of the Lord.”
When you are asked a difficult question, such as a puzzler about Church history or doctrine, be honest and, if necessary, say you don’t know. But then be sure to say what you do know: “I know that Joseph Smith was a prophet of God.”11
Follow the Prophet’s Teachings
In choosing how we spend time as a family, we should be careful not to use up our available time on things that are merely good and leave little time for that which is better or best. A friend took his young family on a series of summer vacation trips, including visits to memorable Church history sites. At the end of the summer he asked his teenage son which of these good summer activities he enjoyed most. The father learned from the reply, and so did those he told of it.
“The thing I liked best this summer,” the boy replied, “was the night you and I lay on the lawn and looked at the stars and talked.” Super family activities may be good for children, but they are not always better than one-on-one time with a loving parent.
Parents make many sacrifices for their children. “Mothers suffer pain and loss of personal priorities and comforts to bear and rear each child. Fathers adjust their lives and priorities to support a family. The gap between those who are and those who are not willing to do this is widening in today’s world. One of our family members recently overheard a young couple on an airline flight explaining that they chose to have a dog instead of children. ‘Dogs are less trouble,” they declared. ‘Dogs don’t talk back, and we never have to ground them.’”12
We have a prophet who teaches us the Lord’s will and the Lord’s plan for family decisions. In a whole series of major addresses, President Russell M. Nelson is giving us precious content for teaching our children. I urge you to follow the prophet and his teachings.
The Preeminence of Family
The theology of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints centers on the family. Our relationship to God and the purpose of earth life are explained in terms of the family. We are the spirit children of heavenly parents. The gospel plan is implemented through earthly families, and our highest aspiration is to perpetuate those family relationships throughout eternity. The ultimate mission of the Church is to help us achieve exaltation in the celestial kingdom, and that can only be accomplished in a family relationship.
In our theology and in our practice, the family and the Church have a mutually reinforcing relationship. The family is dependent upon the Church for doctrine and for ordinances and activities governed by priesthood keys. The Church exists to provide these unique resources that will perpetuate family relationships in the eternities. The priesthood presides in each.
Church leaders and teachers should use every possible opportunity to recognize the preeminence and strengthen the position of the home and family. As the First Presidency reminded us in their great letter of February 11, 1999:
“The home is the basis of a righteous life, and no other instrumentality can take its place or fulfill its essential functions in carrying forward this God-given responsibility.
“We counsel parents and children to give highest priority to family prayer, family home evening, gospel study and instruction, and wholesome family activities. However worthy and appropriate other demands or activities may be, they must not be permitted to displace the divinely appointed duties that only parents and families can adequately perform.”13
We cannot have a strong Church whose leaders and members come mostly from weak families. Conversely, if most of the families in a ward or stake are strong, the ward or stake will also be strong. The same is true of the Church.