From the Mission Field

Dealing with Homesickness on My Mission

By Heather White Claridge

I’d known I wanted to serve a mission since I was 14, but here I was as a missionary, anxious to cut my service short.

My homesickness while I was on my mission was like a gaping hole that I struggled to skirt around every single day.

On top of being homesick, I tormented myself with guilt over wanting to be home with my family when there were so many missionaries who wanted to stay but needed to return home due to other circumstances. I’m sure I made it through my bad days partly due to my own determination, but I know that I also had loads of help from Heavenly Father. Somehow I kept on going despite feeling lost and lonely without my family. I felt like I was missing a part of myself.

It’s not that I wasn’t happy a lot of the time. I enjoyed being busy and loving the people I was with, and the work I was doing often overshadowed my underlying pain. But all the same, this struggle of missing home stayed with me my whole mission.

As the end of my mission approached, I realized that I didn’t know exactly when I was going home, and I was afraid to ask. My 18 months were up right in the middle of a transfer cycle, so I could either go home a month early or stay an extra month, depending on what my mission president decided. When talking with the other missionaries in my district, I pretended to want to stay for that extra month, but I knew and God knew what I really wanted.

Regardless, I ended up staying the extra month, and despite the ever-present homesickness, I’m glad I did. Not just because that last transfer was actually one of the happiest times of my mission, but because it gave me time to receive some reassurance from Heavenly Father about my feelings.

Refocusing on Good Desires

I don’t remember how I came across it, but one day as I was reading in Doctrine and Covenants 7 about the promises that Christ made to John and Peter, I felt like He was speaking to me. John’s desire was to keep converting people, while Peter’s desire was that he might “speedily come unto [Christ]” (see verses 2–4).

Christ honors John’s desire to do “a greater work,” but He also honors Peter’s, calling it “a good desire” (verse 5). This completely changed my perspective! While I was on my mission, I had never looked at my intense desire to be with my family as a good thing. I felt guilty about those feelings. But now I knew that it wasn’t bad that I desired to be with my family. God gave me an amazing family, and I should want to be with them, just as I should want to one day live with God and Christ, because I am part of Their eternal family.

It’s easy to judge ourselves—I certainly judged myself—but if what we desire is good and if we serve the Lord to the best of our abilities in whatever capacity we can, He will accept that service. Peter was not a lesser person because of his desire; he was still a fantastic missionary and a devout follower of Christ. He worked miracles! He was given “the keys of [the] ministry” (verse 7). Christ did not turn him away or berate him because of his desire—Christ granted it unto him (see verse 8).

I’m not trying to compare my service to Peter’s, but I had an important realization because of Peter: my desire to be home with my family did not make me less of a missionary or less of a follower of Christ. I served as best as I could throughout my mission, and I know that my service was accepted (see Doctrine and Covenants 124:49).

Finding Peace from Guilt

I learned a valuable lesson by serving my mission a little longer, but Heavenly Father also recognized my desires and didn’t condemn me for them. This reassurance didn’t remove my homesickness, but it did bring me peace from the guilt I had felt.

When I returned from my mission, in a way I did get to see my family early. When I walked off the plane, my dad was standing right there waiting for me, which I wasn’t expecting, and the surprise and happiness of getting to see him immediately was so great. Together we went and reunited with the rest of our family. I felt complete again. Yes, while I was away, we’d all had experiences and grown in different ways, but we hadn’t grown apart.

I know that God is aware of our struggles, that He is mindful of all our wants and needs, and that He will always support us and bless us in His work as we follow His will.

Heather White Claridge was that kid who slept with a stack of books under her pillow, so naturally, she became an editor. She’s lived all over the United States, picking up skills (such as tae kwon do and stained glass) as she went. Her favorite season is fall—mainly because of all the crunchy leaves you can jump on. She currently lives in Utah, USA.

Some Practices That Helped Me with Homesickness:

• Praying and studying the scriptures. Alma 7:23 helped me specifically. At first glance, that verse may seem like an odd source of comfort, but it tells us to “[ask] for whatsoever things ye stand in need, both spiritual and temporal.” It felt good knowing that the Lord wants to hear from us. He cares, and He is there for us.

• Building relationships with people on my mission. There were so many wonderful companions, senior couples, members, and people I taught whom I felt love from. It also helped to open up to them about my feelings of homesickness at times. They were supportive and helpful in navigating those hard times.

• Doing fun service activities, like making someone’s birthday special or giving someone a kind note.

• Keeping a tiny notebook while we were out and about. It was nice to be able to quickly jot down thoughts I wanted to tell my family or just random insights.

• Writing letters home. Know that it’s OK to tell your family about things you’re struggling with—just make sure you’re not focusing only on negative things.

• Looking at keepsakes from home. I had a few keepsakes, and they were great reminders of good memories.

• Writing in my journal. Sometimes it helps to be able to get to the bottom of your feelings and resolve them by expressing them in your journal.

• Making time to do something appropriate that I loved. On preparation days, we would do a variety of things like make duct tape wallets, play soccer, or visit museums.

• Attending the temple. If you’re not near a temple, take some time to think about your covenants and read talks or scriptures about the temple.

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