2021
7 Ways to Resolve Conflict and Achieve Harmony
September 2021

Life Skills

7 Ways to Resolve Conflict and Achieve Harmony

By Holly Hudson

Differences are a natural part of life. They can also be a great learning opportunity.

a man and a woman talking while sitting on a wooden bench

Most of us probably don’t like conflict. The idea of talking to someone about a disagreement or problem can fill our heads with images of tense arguments and broken relationships. And when it does arise, we might experience feelings of fear or dread. Some of us might even feel the desire to run away or believe that we should avoid conflict altogether, and that if we do experience it, we are in the wrong and our relationships are unhealthy.

Conflict arises from differences in desires or opinions,1 whereas contention is caused by dealing with those differences in anger or frustration. While conflict is inevitable in most relationships, contention is something we can—and should—try to avoid (see 3 Nephi 11:29).

Conflict is a natural, expected part of life. Because we have all been raised differently or have different life experiences, we all have different core needs, motivations, and priorities, and conflict most often occurs when some of those needs are not being met or respected.

When we are willing to listen and be open to new perspectives, conflict can help us learn to communicate more effectively and find solutions to problems, which can then help us move forward and achieve harmony. It can become an opportunity for growth.

Here are a few tips on how to manage conflict successfully.

  1. Do not avoid conflict—but do avoid contention. Avoiding conflict can definitely feel safer at times. But keeping your feelings inside can often lead to resentment and even more misunderstanding. In truth, conflict can help you communicate better and move forward with peace. Praying for help in addressing the conflict and being willing to listen to and learn from each other’s perspectives will help you invite the Spirit into your conversations (see Matthew 18:15) and avoid contention.

  2. Remember that there are two sides to every conflict. Each person has different needs and perceptions, and each side deserves respect and understanding. As you seek to resolve a conflict, listen to the other person’s perspective and strive to understand them. President Dallin H. Oaks, First Counselor in the First Presidency, taught that “followers of Christ should be examples of civility. We should love all people, be good listeners, and show concern for their sincere beliefs. … We encourage all of us to practice the Savior’s Golden Rule: ‘Whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them’ (Matthew 7:12).”2

  3. Explain your thoughts and feelings kindly. You can “cease to find fault one with another” (Doctrine and Covenants 88:124) as you calmly share your perspective—and allow the other person to speak too! As you gently help them understand your side, you will avoid making the other person feel like you’re accusing them.

  4. Consider your end goal. Do you want to resolve the conflict to make peace? Or do you want to simply prove others wrong? Elder Marvin J. Ashton (1915–94) of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles once taught:

    “When one considers the bad feeling and the unpleasantness caused by contention, it is well to ask, ‘Why do I participate?’ …

    “It is important to recognize that we choose our behavior. At the root of this issue is the age-old problem of pride.”3

    When resolving conflict, you should be trying to improve your relationship, not trying to validate your concerns or feel superior by being right. As President Thomas S. Monson (1927–2018) once taught, “Never let a problem to be solved become more important than a person to be loved.”4

  5. Consider using humor. While not always appropriate, humor can sometimes be used to express thoughts and feelings in an inoffensive way. Humor can help take away some of the tension in a conversation. However, make sure the humor is not being used to belittle or invalidate the other person’s feelings.

  6. Be willing to forgive. Not all conflicts can be completely resolved at times, but in these cases, we can learn to accept having different perspectives in our relationships. And with the help of Jesus Christ and His healing power, you can find the strength to forgive others (see Doctrine and Covenants 82:1), to change, and to move past what you can’t fix.

  7. Be kind to yourself. Learning new skills takes time. Be patient with yourself and know that it takes practice to become better at responding to and resolving conflict (see Doctrine and Covenants 10:4).

When you practice the steps in the list above, conflict can be one of the greatest opportunities for learning greater communication skills and strengthening relationships. Resolving conflict allows us to increase our trust in and love for one another, which will help invite greater understanding in future disagreements as well. And always remember that in the face of conflict, we can always turn to Heavenly Father for guidance and help.