Finding Answers: From Sister to Sister
What Will Happen to My Eternal Family If My Loved Ones Leave the Church?
My brother had left the Church years ago, and I wondered how I could ever be happy if my family was separated on the other side of the veil.
Photograph by Noelle Whitaker
Sitting in sacrament meeting, I blinked back tears as I listened to the enthusiastic, wiggly Primary children passionately sing “Families Can Be Together Forever” (Children’s Songbook, 188).
The simple truths shared in Primary songs always touch my soul and fill me with the Spirit (and, yes, often cause me to weep). And although I had heard and sung this tune hundreds of times throughout my life, this moment also filled me with pain. I felt so much conflict in my heart.
As I tried to contain my emotions, I thought of my family members who were striving to follow Jesus Christ, and I felt comfort in knowing that we would be able to be together in the next life.
But my thoughts were especially fixated on my brother. Although he was raised in the gospel like me and my sisters, he had been on a different path for over a decade, and as it stood, he didn’t have any interest in returning to the Church anytime soon.
One of the greatest blessings the Savior offers us is eternal families. This is a promise I cherish, especially as the world grows more turbulent.
But sometimes I don’t have the answers to certain questions: What will happen to my brother and all my loved ones who leave the Church? Will my family be separated on the other side of the veil? How will things work out?
These questions have caused me and my family members a lot of heartache over the years. But as I have taken my concerns to Heavenly Father, I have learned a few truths that have helped me move forward in faith.
Learning to Trust
For years I sought surefire answers about what would happen to my family in the spirit world, but I kept coming up short. I struggled with conflicting feelings about the promises of the gospel and my family circumstances. How could I possibly “dwell with God in a state of never-ending happiness” (Mosiah 2:41) if all of us wouldn’t be together?
And despite how much I loved my brother, I resented him a bit when I considered how unwilling he was to come back to the Church. Sometimes I just wanted to grab him by the shoulders and say, “Don’t you realize how much I want you to be with me in eternity?”
I grew more and more frustrated, and it wasn’t until I heard these words from President Dallin H. Oaks, First Counselor in the First Presidency, that I found peace:
“For all questions about the spirit world, I suggest two answers. First, remember that God loves His children and will surely do what is best for each of us. Second, remember this familiar Bible teaching, which has been most helpful to me on a multitude of unanswered questions:
“’Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding’ [Proverbs 3:5].”1
His simple reminder was what I needed, and I felt the Spirit confirm to me that I could do that—I could trust Heavenly Father.
Because of His love for us and because of His great plan, we can trust in Him and His promises, even without having all the answers. Knowing He has our best interests at heart gave me peace.
Finding Hope in Christ
Ultimately, I realized that the answer to many of our heart-wrenching questions, unfair circumstances, and other trials is always the same: turn to the Savior, Jesus Christ.
I have felt His power manifest in my life as I have let go of my need for answers and control over my family circumstances and simply held on to hope, because faith and hope in the Savior can enable us to do things we never imagined we could. As President Russell M. Nelson has reminded us: “Faith in Jesus Christ is the greatest power available to us in this life. All things are possible to them that believe.”2
Because of the Savior, I’ve been able to experience His healing power in my life through prayer, through scripture study, and especially through attending the temple. I have seen my relationship with my brother mend and thrive, even with our differing beliefs and choices. Having a good relationship with him might seem impossible to some, but because of the Savior, it’s not. After all, He is the Prince of Peace.
The Savior is the reason I will always have hope for my family and for all things in life. I take comfort in these words from Elder Jeffrey R. Holland of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles: “Because the Restoration reaffirmed the foundational truth that God does work in this world, we can hope, we should hope, even when facing the most insurmountable odds. … We all need to believe that what we desire in righteousness can someday, someway, somehow yet be ours.”3
Changing My Perspective
Looking back on that moment when that simple Primary song struck a deep chord in my heart, I no longer feel grief when I ponder the promise of eternal families. Turning to the Savior is what brings me peace. I know that all things are possible through Him and that Heavenly Father’s promises are sure.
I don’t know everything about what will happen on the other side of the veil or how things will work out. But I trust Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.
In the meantime, instead of fixating on what I can’t control, I can shift my focus to the blessings of life today. I can continue to strengthen my relationship with those I love most, especially my brother, regardless of the choices he may or may not make. I can continue to uphold the covenants I have made and witness the power they bring into my life. And I can rejoice in the blessings, the peace, and the joy the gospel continues to offer me.