Digital Only: Young Adults
Finding Spiritual Allies
Good friends can support us spiritually.
“These aren’t the friends I want.”
Sadly, this wasn’t the first time I’d had this thought. My friends lived differently than I did, and I felt like I was often tempted to stray from the covenant path. I had learned during my teenage years what temptation can do and didn’t want to repeat previous choices.
Being a follower of Christ in today’s world can be hard. With so many lifestyles, it can be confusing to decide who to spend our time with. We can treat everyone with Christlike love, but we can love while maintaining healthy spiritual boundaries too. As President Thomas S. Monson (1927–2018) taught: “Friends help to determine your future. You will tend to be like them and to be found where they choose to go.”1
You can find friends who can become your spiritual allies—people who understand your faith and help you survive spiritually. These friends, regardless of faith or background, can support you spiritually as you journey through life.
I’ll be honest—it was super hard for me to let go of my friends who weren’t the best influences. I felt so lonely, but I knew I wanted to follow God more. It took me a few years, but I’ve discovered three ways you can find friends who can be your spiritual allies:
1. Be Someone You Would Like to Spend Time With
Sometimes our circumstances can make it hard to discern who we should be hanging out with.
So what are we to do? How can we know who will be good friends and spiritual allies?
Luckily, Elder Ronald A. Rasband of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles has the answer: “To have friends who live high standards, who stand for virtue and goodness, who are faithful and true to their covenants, you must be such a person to them.”2
Instead of worrying about everyone else, we should first focus on becoming better people ourselves.
Why do we need to make sure we’re a good person before we find good friends? Well, the Lord states this truth in Doctrine and Covenants 88:40: “For intelligence cleaveth unto intelligence; wisdom receiveth wisdom; truth embraceth truth; virtue loveth virtue; light cleaveth unto light.”
Spiritual allies share our values and standards, regardless of their religion, race, or background. When you’re nurturing your testimony and doing your best to follow God, you will naturally draw others to you and be drawn to others who have the same standards.
2. Choose Friends Who Help You Grow
When I was younger, my favorite TV shows involved groups of friends going on adventures with each other. I always wanted a specific group of friends I would grow up with. But that wasn’t always the reality. I had to learn that even though friendships were sometimes short-lived, it was important to choose friends who helped me grow into a better person.
I once had a friend who said offensive things to someone close to me. His words were disappointing, but I decided to approach him and tell him how I felt. The next time we saw each other, he thanked me for reminding him of his goodness, and I learned that he had apologized to my other friend and made amends.
As Elder Marvin J. Ashton (1915–1994) of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles taught: “It takes courage to be a real friend. … A friend is a person who will suggest and render the best for us regardless of the immediate consequences.”3 It was scary to be honest with my friend, but that’s what spiritual allies and true friends do—they help each other to grow, to become more Christlike, and to progress on the covenant path.
3. Find Friends with Similar Spiritual Goals
It’s easier to strengthen our faith in the gospel of Jesus Christ when we spend time with those who lift us up and share spiritual insights, rather than those who criticize or demean our faith. Friends have a powerful influence in our lives. Elder Robert D. Hales (1932–2017) of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles once said, “Friends are people who make it easier to live the gospel of Jesus Christ.”4
We all need friends and spiritual allies. By finding—and being—a spiritual ally, we can help each other keep and make covenants and deepen our devotion to Christ. Together, we can support each other on the covenant path.
Heavenly Father knows the importance of surrounding yourself with spiritually uplifting friends. As you make time for Him each day, He will direct you to those spiritual allies and friendships you are seeking. He has for me.