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Could I Still Have Hope in Christ When Everything Was Going Wrong?
With Christ, we can have peace—regardless of the outcome.
I am in the middle of a messy life. With a wide array of uncertainties and challenges, following the Lord’s guidance has been a puzzling thing lately.
And yet, I am full of hope and an abiding belief that I was made to have joy (see 2 Nephi 2:25).
Believing That I Can Heal
My hope and my joy stem from two main truths about our Savior Jesus Christ. The first is that because of His Resurrection, I will live again. And second, through His Atonement, I can experience healing in the present.
Christ’s Resurrection can give us courage. The prophet Mosiah testified, “But there is a resurrection, therefore the grave hath no victory, and the sting of death is swallowed up in Christ” (Mosiah 16:8).
While I am endlessly grateful for Christ’s Resurrection, sometimes His eternal promises feel so far off. It can be difficult to see how Christ’s power can reach me in the gall of bitterness I experience in the present.
It has been my discovery over the past few years that applying the Atonement of Christ is mostly about believing that I can heal, even from unbearable sorrow.
Rebuilding My Faith
Five years ago, my little brother was diagnosed with aggressive brain cancer. I poured all my energy into hoping that he would make a miraculous recovery, but I was terrified of the worst-case scenario. Despite my hope, my sweet, remarkable, 10-year-old brother died.
After his death, my testimony was shaken, and I had to rebuild my faith and discover a new hope rooted in Christ and His promises. After years of pondering, I have realized that we can either live with Christ-centered joy or we can live with fear when our faith is dependent on a particular outcome.
One of my favorite scriptural accounts is in John 11. When their brother, Lazarus, fell ill, Mary and Martha sent for Jesus. But when He arrived, Lazarus was already dead, and Martha cried:
“Lord, if thou hadst been here, my brother had not died” (verse 21)
Jesus answered:
“I am the resurrection, and the life: he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live:
“And whosoever liveth and believeth in me shall never die. Believest thou this?” (verses 25–26).
The way Martha answers Christ’s question is written on my heart: “Yea, Lord: I believe that thou art the Christ, the Son of God, which should come into the world” (verse 27).
Martha’s testimony is not that Christ will miraculously raise her brother from the dead—it’s that because Jesus is the Christ, everything will be OK. Rather than shattering, her faith held true whether her brother was healed or not.
Having Hope in Any Outcome
When my husband’s beloved mother was diagnosed with cancer last year, we had to emulate Martha’s faith. Although we were devastated, I knew where my hope had fallen short during my first experience with cancer, and I knew I needed to take a different approach this time.
Strangely, exercising hope and faith in Christ meant acknowledging the reality that my incredible mother-in-law might pass away. Of course, I yearned and prayed for her healing, but I had hope that Christ could heal her and me, whether she lived or passed on. I hoped that, through the promises of Christ, joy was possible in either outcome.
All the sorrow of considering a future without her was still there while she grew sicker, but I didn’t have the anxiety that had gripped me when my brother was ill. And after a few months, she too passed away.
The unfairness of the situation is sometimes suffocating, the grief too heavy to bear. But somehow, I am clinging to the promises of healing through Jesus Christ, and that gives me just enough courage to continue to the next day.
Embracing the Paradoxes
When I say I have found peace, hope, and healing in Christ, I am not saying I have found the secret to avoiding pain, confusion, sorrow, grief, and anguish. Certainly not. What I mean is that I have come to see that all these unpleasant challenges can be stepping-stones to His healing power.
Elder Gerrit W. Gong of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles taught: “When life is cluttered and purpose isn’t clear, when you want to live better but don’t know how, please come to God our Father and Jesus Christ. Trust They live, love you, and want all things for your good.”
There is almost nothing I can tell you I “know” about life, the universe, or even the gospel of Jesus Christ, even as dedicated as I am to living it. But I do know that I have found healing and light out of utter darkness and despair, and even as I stand amid another chaotic chapter of my life, I can say with confidence that I am full of joy.
I am full of sorrow and joy. Heartbreak and love. Grief and healing. I credit my ability to hold these paradoxes in my hands to the infinite love and sacrifice of my Savior Jesus Christ.
And because the Savior experienced the ultimate paradox—a perfect Son sent to suffer on behalf of the sinners and grievers and broken things of the world—I can set aside the things I don’t know. I can even set aside my need to know. Instead, I can find hope and joy in His miraculous promises.