“The Power of Family Stories,” Liahona, Feb. 2024, United States and Canada Section.
The Power of Family Stories
Research shows that knowing your family stories leads to better emotional health and happiness.
Illustrations by Bill Mayer
Each of us has a story—and as children of our Heavenly Father, these stories are connected with those of our families. By discovering our stories, “we connect, we belong, we become.”1
Elder Gerrit W. Gong of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles recently taught that learning about our family “can change our lives in surprising ways. From their trials and accomplishments, we gain faith and strength. From their love and sacrifices, we learn to forgive and move forward. Our children become resilient. We gain protection and power. Ties with ancestors increase family closeness, gratitude, miracles. Such ties can bring help from the other side of the veil.”2
My story is unique to me, as yours is to you. We each come from generations of families who have faced ups and downs, struggled with difficulties, experienced joy, and overcome adversity. By learning my family’s stories, I’ve found a greater sense of belonging, connection, and resilience.
Belonging
Elder D. Todd Christofferson of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles recently emphasized that “a sense of belonging is important to our physical, mental, and spiritual well-being.”3 Research shows that family stories play an essential role in fostering that sense of belonging: “Children who have the most self-confidence have … a strong ‘intergenerational self.’ They know they belong to something bigger than themselves.”4
My dad has always been big on telling stories. He sometimes likes to embellish or exaggerate to make us laugh, but when it comes to stories about our family, he’s always made sure one truth is clear: our family sticks together. Our motto, “Brimhall, Brimhall, Brimhall—Mess with one, mess with ’em all,” reminds us that whatever challenges come our way, we’ll face them as a family.
In March of 2020, my grandpa passed away. At his funeral, my dad shared some childhood stories. While growing up, it seemed like my dad was always getting himself into trouble—falling into a drainage ditch, trying to swim in a fast-moving river, getting kicked in the head by a horse. My dad joked that in each of these instances, death was trying to come between him and his dad. But in every story, his dad was there, and everything turned out OK. These stories made us laugh, but my dad used them to highlight an important truth.
“The last time death tried to separate us was today,” my dad said. “But because of the Atonement and Resurrection of Jesus Christ, we can never truly be separated.”
As we continue to share stories about my grandpa and our family, we remember that we belong to something so much bigger than ourselves: an eternal family. That knowledge provides us with the strength and confidence to confront any challenge.
The knowledge that we belong to an eternal family provides us with the strength and confidence to confront any challenge.
Connection
In a society that stresses individualism, the gospel teaches unity, connection, and community. Our family stories can create that community. Elder Gong shared: “In this age of ‘I choose me,’ societies benefit when generations connect in meaningful ways. We need roots to have wings—real relationships, meaningful service, life beyond fleeting social media veneers.”5
When my grandma on my mom’s side first started struggling with dementia, she moved in with my family. During this time, she told me stories I hadn’t heard before. Each time she finished a story, she gave me a hug and said, “I’m sure glad you’re mine.” I could always find pieces of myself in the moments she shared—it made me realize how much I truly am hers.
“When I was your age, I’d rather dance than eat!” my grandma said. This was how she started one of my favorite stories. She got asked to a dance by a boy who she knew wasn’t exactly the best dancer. I could picture her standing in her school gym when her date came to ask her if she was ready to dance. She had been stalling, but she knew she couldn’t put it off forever. The next song was one of her favorites, and her foot started tapping, almost as if to spite her. She smiled at him and let him lead her out onto the dance floor.
“And wouldn’t you know, he’d been taking dancing lessons the whole time!” my grandma exclaimed at the end of her story. “I had the time of my life!”
This story introduced me to a different version of my grandma. She was suddenly a young girl I could relate to. It always made me smile to picture her happy as could be on a dance floor.
Other stories weren’t as bright. When my grandma was little, her three older brothers left to fight in World War II. “My brother came in to say goodbye to me,” she told me, “but I pretended to be asleep—I thought if I didn’t say goodbye to him, he wouldn’t leave.” I pictured the tears on her cheeks when she woke up to find him already gone. It reminded me of my own tears as I said goodbye to my brother when he left to serve his mission in Bolivia. I realized that, like me, my grandma loved her family deeply.
All these stories helped me connect with my grandma on a deeper level. In her stories I saw a brightness and thrill for life. I saw a love for family members that transcends time and distance. I saw faith in Jesus Christ. I saw myself and realized I am not alone—I am forever connected with those in my family who came before me.
Resilience
Research further shows that children who “know a lot about their families tend to do better when they face challenges” and are “more resilient, meaning they could moderate the effects of stress.”6 In fact, knowledge of family stories “turned out to be the best single predictor of children’s emotional health and happiness.”7
By learning about my dad and my grandpa, I was reminded that I belong to something bigger than myself. Because of that, I know there are people on both sides of the veil to support me and cheer me on as I face struggles and difficulties.
By listening to my grandma’s stories, I found a connection with her. I realized she is a lot like me. In her life, she has overcome trials, lived through hard times, and found joy! If she can do it, so can I.
Our families don’t have to be perfect for us to find strength in family stories. The hard stories can serve as a testament to what we have overcome. As we each draw near to the Savior, we can create family narratives that give strength to generations to come. As Elder Gong shared, “Each of our stories is a journey still in progress, as we discover, create, and become with possibilities beyond imagination.”8