See the Good in Them
2024 BYU Women’s Conference
Thursday, May 2, 2024
Dear sisters, how I love being with you. Life can be busy and sometimes complex or challenging, but when I am with you my heart is strengthened. And I hope you feel the same. I am keenly reminded of God’s great love for each one of you as His daughters. We love you and know that our Father in Heaven is aware of your lives, your concerns, and your purpose here. He wants you to be happy. He wants to bless you. Many times, we need to be reminded of His loving awareness.
I had one such reminder the other day when my sister stopped by out of the blue. I was happy to see her as I had been feeling worried and worn out and felt the need to connect with someone. I made lunch for us and then offered the prayer on the food. As I thanked our Father in Heaven for His Son, Jesus Christ, and His loving sacrifice, I unexpectedly became full of emotion and began to cry. I finished my brief prayer in tears. I looked up to see my sister teary as well. I felt His immense love in that moment as I spoke of His Son.
I was reminded why I was working and striving to do His will. It was because my Father in Heaven and Savior loved me. They were with me, They would help me, and I was not alone. They would care for me.
Sometimes we need to remember why we do what we do as covenant women. Why you rearrange your life and priorities to follow the Lord. Why you perhaps sacrifice precious energy and time to pull children from the four corners of the house for prayer and scripture study. Why you keep repenting and trying again. Why you do difficult things in pursuit of keeping your covenants with God. Perhaps you can say as I do that I do these things because I love the Lord, and I want to keep my covenants with Him.
I invite you to remember why you do what you do. To remember His love for you. To be still, as Elder David A. Bednar has said, and “know that God is our Heavenly Father, we are His children, and Jesus Christ is our Savior.”
Love is at the heart of why our Heavenly Father sent His Son, why His Son gave His life for us. “He doeth not anything save it be for the benefit of the world; for he loveth the world, even that he layeth down his own life that he may draw all men unto him.”
Elder Neal A. Maxwell, speaking of the Savior’s love, said: “It was His loving kindness which underwrote His long-suffering. And it may well be no different for you and for me. In fact, our capacity to love and our capacity to endure well are inextricably bound together.”
Love is at the heart of all that He asks us to do and become. He knows our worth and sees our potential and knows how to bless us.
Elder Bednar taught that “discernment at its highest level of manifestation is seeing the good in someone else that he or she has never seen in himself or herself and the ability to help them identify and develop it.”
This is what our Father in Heaven does for us each day. He sees the good that perhaps we don’t see in ourselves and lovingly and patiently helps us to develop it and helps us become as His Son.
The Savior shows us how to see the good and help others develop it. He lovingly and intentionally tutored Peter and His new Apostles. He ministered to and lifted individuals that society considered to be sinners, outcasts, or impure. He saw the worth and hope in those that were considered hopeless. He responded with compassion to the pleas of desperate lepers. He not only came near to them but touched them and healed them.
He knew the worth of each soul, and He loved them. He saw so much more in them than their weaknesses, sins, sickness, and infirmities. He saw their souls and all that they could and would become. He taught them, healed them, encouraged them, and invited them to rise to their potential by following Him.
As covenant women of His Church, we have the blessing and charge to “go, and do thou likewise.” “For the works which ye have seen me do that shall ye also do.” We have the covenant privilege and blessing to help those we minister to feel of the Savior’s love and see the good that God sees in them and help them to develop it. This is loving others as the Savior would.
There is powerful motivation that comes when someone really “sees” you, loves you, and believes in you. I became an artist because my mother thought I was talented. Here are some of my early drawings. She would ask me what my drawings were about, and I would dictate to her all the thoughts of my imagination. She would thoughtfully write down the stories on the drawings.
She didn’t just believe in me when I did good. When I made a mistake, she still saw the good in me. With one particular mistake, I remember she helped me to make amends and then helped me to give a Primary talk about it. I still remember being excited about the drawings we did on yellow construction paper for that.
Our Father in Heaven often helps us to grow and become by sending special people into our lives. People that bring His love and relief and help us to rise to our potential.
Ministering brothers and sisters have the sweet privilege and covenant responsibility of being those special people on the Lord’s errand. We can help those we minister to see the good qualities, talents, and attributes of Christ in them and help them to grow.
We can help one another “lay hold upon every good thing” and become more like the children of God that we are.
In Moroni we read, “Search diligently in the light of Christ; … and if ye will lay hold upon every good thing, and condemn it not, ye certainly will be a child of Christ.”
The more we help others fulfill the measure of their creation, the more we will realize our own potential as a child of God. We need to rely upon the Lord to know the needs of His children.
Sisters, you have the resources of heaven available to carry out this righteous and exalting work, including the blessings of the Lord’s priesthood power through keeping your covenants and delegated priesthood authority through your callings and ministering assignments. These blessings help provide the revelation we need to minister in His way.
The Spirit can help soften our hearts to see others “as they really are” and not have our vision obscured by assumptions, casualness, or even weariness.
As part of my illustration studies in college, I learned how to better draw and paint the human figure. I remember after one particular drawing session, a fellow student called out to the model we had been drawing for the last hour, “Wait, you only have four fingers!” The model replied, “Yes, I do.” The model had only four fingers on his right hand. We all looked down at our drawings and realized we had drawn him with five fingers. We had drawn what we thought was in front of us and not what was really in front of us. We were not really seeing what was there.
Are we really seeing the sisters we serve and minister to? We may have an idea of who we think they are and who is in front of us, but knowing someone takes time and effort and the prayerful help of the Spirit. When we invest our hearts in faith, we will find and begin to see the unique characteristics of a very individual and precious soul.
It has been said, “There isn’t anyone you couldn’t love once you’ve heard their story.”
Karen is a dear friend of mine. I didn’t know her story until I became her ministering sister. My ministering companion was a kind young woman named Ella, who was a senior in high school. We received the prayerful assignment to minister to Karen when she was just starting to return to church. She had miraculously survived a cardiac arrest and now felt to change her life and commit herself more fully to God. She often testified that He had preserved her and wanted her here for a reason.
As we ministered to Karen and learned about her unique story and needs, Ella and I felt impressed to invite her to come to the temple. This effort enlisted Ella’s tech-savvy skills to fix her online Church account issues so she could pay her tithing and make a temple appointment. And I took her to get new temple clothing and helped her feel comfortable going. I remember she seemed to glow and be filled with peace and happiness as we sat together in the celestial room following the session.
She experienced major health issues in her life and incredible miracles during the time we ministered to her, including a life-saving kidney transplant. Supporting her during this time strengthened all of us in the Lord.
We invited her to join us for Relief Society and Sunday School and spent time with her in her home. She has grown beautifully confident in who she is and who she wants to become. She has started to see the good in herself. And it’s been sweet to see her develop her personal covenant relationship with God.
Here is a picture of the three of us oil painting one evening. Ella wanted to learn how to oil paint, so I decided to set up shop and teach. We talked and talked late into the evening about life and enjoyed each other’s company. We took turns listening to our favorite music. We had quite the variety track playing that night. None of us wanted to go home.
Ella will be receiving her endowment soon, and both Karen and I are planning to be there to support her.
When I asked Karen if I could share this special experience of being her ministering sister, she said, “Go for it! Let them know there is a Heavenly Father that loves [them]!” She said the love and concern Ella and I had for her taught her that she needed someone in her life. She said, “They will never know how much I needed them. … Ministering sisters are sent from God.”
The Lord is very purposeful in His placement of where you and I are. He knows who we need in our lives and why. If we exercise faith in the Lord and fulfill our ministering assignments from Him, He will show us the wonderous blessings of His love and His divine orchestration on our behalf.
Ministering helps strengthen each other’s faith in Heavenly Father and the Savior. It helps us to prepare to make and keep sacred covenants with God and to return to His presence with those that we love. It helps us to care for, comfort, and watch over one another that “we may,” as sister Lucy Mack Smith said, “all sit down in heaven together.”
As children of God, we are meant to grow and change and to become like our heavenly parents. And ministering in love is a catalyst to that end. Ministering is not just a program; it is the divine process through which God blesses and changes the hearts of His children from hearts of stone to hearts of flesh.
Ministering is loving and caring for others as the Savior would. It is a way of being; it is the way of our Savior Jesus Christ and all those who covenant to follow Him. He said, “A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you.”
Acting as the Savior would and relying upon Him changes our very natures to become as He is, making us eventually fit to return to the presence of our Father in Heaven.
President Russell M. Nelson taught that “as we strive to live the higher laws of Jesus Christ, our hearts and our very natures begin to change. The Savior lifts us above the pull of this fallen world by blessing us with greater charity, humility, generosity, kindness, self-discipline, peace, and rest.”
President M. Russell Ballard said that as we minister and serve, “this pure love of Christ—or charity—envelops us, [and] we think, feel, and act more like Heavenly Father and Jesus would think, feel, and act.”
In Philippians we learn about the ministering mindset of the Savior:
“Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others.
“Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus.”
Ministering is letting this mind of Christ Jesus be in us. To look on “the things of others,” their interests, concerns, potential, and hearts, as if they were our own.
Many times in my life I received involved callings when I seemed to need the most help. This might sound counterintuitive and perhaps familiar to you. But I’ve seen how God blesses us with an added measure of His Spirit and help as we serve. He knows you will help bless others in your callings and assignments, but He is also very interested in blessing you.
President Nelson pronounced beautiful blessings upon us this last worldwide Relief Society devotional. He said: “I bless you with increased spiritual discernment and the ability to find joy in offering relief to others. … I bless you to feel deeply that Heavenly Father and His Son, Jesus Christ, know you and love you. They sent you to earth now because you are vital to the kingdom of God now!”
How do we find “joy in offering relief” to others? Especially perhaps when we may be tired?
I remember one evening driving straight from work to visit one of my ministering sisters. It had been a rough day, and I wasn’t feeling particularly well. I felt like I had nothing left to give and didn’t feel entirely charitable. I felt to say a little prayer with faith in my heart as I drove, that this sister would somehow be blessed with what she needed despite my lack. As my companion and I talked with this sister about her family, her busy life, and what we could do to help, I felt the Lord’s love pour into me. I felt of His love for her, for her family, and for me. We played with her little children as we visited. And I left that night feeling like a different person. I knew I had energy and strength given to me. I knew I had felt a bit of heaven in that home. We all felt lifted by His love. Sisters, we need each other more than we realize.
I found joy in loving this sister and in bringing her the Savior’s relief. Our experiences leading up to ministering aren’t always convenient or joyful. But just like anything that is important, there are usually some hurdles. And when you do minister, you don’t regret being His hands and ears. You don’t regret bringing His love and relief.
I testify that as we bring the Savior’s relief, temporal or spiritual, to others, we will find our own relief in Him.
I have received some of my greatest relief from the Lord as I’ve ministered and been ministered to. I have watched as He has, without fail, blessed me in the ways that I have needed most as I’ve loved my sisters. I can see even more clearly now why “charity never faileth.”
Elder Alan T. Phillips said, “Religion is not only about our relationship with God; it is also about our relationship with each other.”
The Savior’s ministry was a ministry of stopping and being present. He was usually on His way to do one thing, and often stopped to heal, minister, teach, and bless. On His way to heal the daughter of Jairus, He stopped to heal and minister to the woman with an issue of blood. While on His way to Jericho, a blind man cried out to Him, “Thou Son of David, have mercy on me. … And Jesus said unto him, Receive thy sight: thy faith hath saved thee.” In His final hours of suffering on the cross and on His way to finish His infinite sacrifice for all mankind, Jesus Christ ensured that His mother would be cared for, He forgave those that crucified Him, and assured the penitent man who hung beside him.
We can follow the Savior’s pattern of stopping and ministering. He knew in that moment what His purpose was. The needs of others were not a diversion or a burden but the very reason He came.
Sisters, you stop to minister with love, concern, and compassion when you see a need. Whether that is a kind listening ear for a sister who is having a difficult time, investing confidence and time in a child or youth who needs to know how important they really are, making a meal for a neighbor, praying and fasting for a family member who has been ill, writing a lonely relative who needs a connection, offering to watch the little ones while an exhausted mother sleeps, sharing your testimony and love of God with someone who needs it, showing sincere interest in another person’s goals and hopes, caring tirelessly for a disabled child or an aging parent, sitting next to someone who is sitting alone, inviting a sister who needs the blessings of the temple to go with you to the house of the Lord, checking in on someone who has been on your mind, taking care of an errand for a busy friend, or pausing your errands to say hello and ask someone how they are really doing. In all these ways and countless more, you are stopping to bring the Savior’s relief to a world in need.
Perhaps it’s helpful for us to think “stop, drop, and minister.” Stop what we’re doing, drop expectations, and minister to the “one.”
Dear sisters, we are so grateful for your good hearts, inspired hands, and listening ears. You are women who, when they see a need, step in and make something happen. It’s innately in you to love, nurture, and heal.
The Lord knows this about us and designed a beautiful way to bless us. When we act upon our natures to provide the Savior’s relief, temporal or spiritual, to others, we receive our own relief in Him. It is a divinely designed way to help His daughters feel His love and relief often.
Speaking to the newly organized Relief Society, the Prophet Joseph Smith said to the sisters, “You are now placed in a situation in which you can act according to those sympathies which God has planted in your bosoms.”
President Nelson said, “Sisters, please never underestimate the extraordinary power within you to influence others for good. It is a gift with which our Heavenly Father has endowed every covenant woman.”
You are the covenant women of the Lord’s Church. All around the world, you love God and strive to live your covenants and give your very best to Him. You step in to minister to the one and to the many to bring the Savior’s relief.
And oh, dear sisters, if there ever was a need for relief upon the earth, it is now. The need is great on all levels and in all places. And the Lord has planted you in your specific part of the vineyard to bring His love and relief to His children. Every act of kindness matters, every willing heart and hand matters, every expression of love and patience matters. What you do, sisters, really matters.
I testify that our Savior Jesus Christ is the source of true relief and happiness. It is through His incomprehensible suffering and sacrifice that you and I can truly change. It is through Him we can return home to the presence of our Father in Heaven. I know that our covenant blessing and responsibility to minister and love one another develops our relationship with God and each other.
I testify that God lives and that His Son, Jesus Christ, is the Redeemer of the world. And I testify of Their great love for you and do so in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.