Continually Progressing toward Eternal Marriage
Worldwide Devotional for Young Adults • May 5, 2019 • Salt Lake City Tabernacle
[Elder Carl B. Cook]
Sister Cook and I are grateful to be with you tonight. This broadcast brings us together from all around the world, including 99 countries and 39 languages. Many of you are viewing this broadcast live. Some will watch rebroadcasts because of time differences. Wherever you are and however you are watching this devotional—welcome!
We give a special welcome to those of you who have recently graduated from high school who are joining this worldwide gathering for the first time. We hope that you will participate, as part of your education, in institute and other religion classes to take advantage of the spiritual learning available to you. Participating in classes and activities is an important lifeline to help you successfully navigate this period of your life.
[Sister Lynette H. Cook]
We are blessed to be with each of you. You lift our spirits and increase our faith in the future. We admire the way you respond to what our prophets and apostles emphasize. Your faith-filled participation in family history work, missionary work, and temple work—including serving as ordinance workers—is inspiring. We are grateful for you, and we love you.
[Elder Cook]
I will begin tonight by telling you about an experience Sister Cook and I had with some young single adults in Nairobi, Kenya. We were having an open discussion about marriage during a devotional. We asked the young adults what they were looking for in an eternal companion.
After a few comments, it was clear that some young men felt that some young women expected them to have a university degree, a car, and a comfortable place to live before they would consider marrying them. Several young women, on the other hand, commented that they were willing to wait for those things if the young men were actively working toward them. They could work toward them together.
Let’s test that tonight. Single brethren of marrying age, wherever you are, let me ask you a question. How many of you feel you are hardworking men of good character, strong in testimony and spiritually in tune, but perhaps you feel less-than-prepared temporally to make a woman happy in marriage? Raise your hands. High!
Now you sisters who are single. How many of you are willing to wait for temporal blessings in a marriage as you learn and grow alongside a hardworking man whom you love, a man of good character, strong in testimony and spiritually in tune? Raise your hands. High!
If any of you looked across the room and saw someone interesting with his or her hand in the air, well …
In Nairobi, I shared a quote from Handbook 2 that explains, “The nature of male and female spirits is such that they complete each other. Men and women are intended to progress together toward exaltation.”1
One young man stood and said excitedly, “That is great! I think instead of asking someone to marry me, I will ask her if she would like to progress with me!”
Actually, I think there is a lot of wisdom in this young man’s idea. As the African proverb states, “If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.” Yes, I would add, “Go together, and with the Lord’s help you can progress together and complete each other.”
From a mathematical perspective, one plus one equals two. But if two people are united, one plus one equals far more than two! And if the Lord is part of the equation, the sum total is infinite and eternal!
As you may have guessed, we are going to talk tonight about marriage—with a twist. We are going to talk about progressing toward eternal marriage. And that includes everyone, including Sister Cook and me. Married or single and regardless of age, we can all progress from where we are currently.
Eternal marriage is the crowning ordinance of the gospel of Jesus Christ. It involves a man and a woman being sealed in the temple and having their marriage sealed by the Holy Spirit of Promise. Only through receiving this priesthood ordinance and keeping our covenants can we receive the blessing of continuing as husband and wife, eternal companions after death.2
We have a yearning in ourselves for eternal relationships. President Nelson has said, “The noblest yearning of the human heart is for a marriage that can endure beyond death.”3
Eternal marriage is possible for each of us. Even with all the difficult circumstances faced by our Heavenly Father’s children in mortality, eternal marriage is possible in His eternal plan. “No one is predestined to receive less than all that the Father … [intends] for His children.”4 If we are faithful, we are promised all that our Heavenly Parents have, including an eternal marriage that is a true partnership. No one hearing this message is exempt from that promised blessing.
Because “marriage between man and woman is essential to [God’s] eternal plan,”5 the adversary and his followers are fighting against it, and the battle is waging sore. Satan will never experience eternal marriage, and as the scriptures say, “he seeketh that all men might be miserable like unto himself.”6 “That old serpent, … who rebelled against God, … maketh war with the saints of God.”7
What does Satan’s war against eternal marriage look like? Consider the following: When we, as God’s covenant children, seek love, the adversary promotes lust. When we seek virtue, he mocks purity. When we seek holiness, he entices toward darkness. When we sin, he proffers discouragement rather than repentance.
He has created a virtual tsunami of destructive influences encompassing the earth: pornography, infidelity, scorn from people in the “great and spacious building,”8 individualism, lack of commitment, and failed marriages, just to name a few. Even if we manage to avoid some of the worldly influences, our relative comfort can lull us into complacency and inhibit our progress toward eternal marriage.
But if we trust in God, exercise our faith, and move to higher ground, we will rise above the swirling waves of negativity that come through technology, worldly entertainment, social media, and sometimes as a result of heartbreaking situations we witness in the lives of family members and friends.
Years ago, a faithful young man confided in us that he was discouraged about the possibility of a happy marriage. Not only had his parents divorced, but so had every aunt and uncle on both sides of his family. He said he had never seen a happy marriage up close. However, with the Lord’s help, he rose above his fears and married in the temple. He and his wife are finding joy in their marriage and have five beautiful children.
As covenant children of God, we can lift up our heads and look forward to our future with faith and confidence. Our Savior, Jesus Christ, has overcome the world and suffered for our sins, and He provides a way for us to prosper and to progress.
As we are all witnessing, the heavens are open, and revelation is flowing through our prophets and apostles to help us shore up the line between us and the adversary. The Lord is gathering His forces—us, His covenant children—into safe environments where we can establish eternal marriages and families, even as the world decays.
So, what can you personally do to combat the influences of the adversary? How can you curb the tide of negativity surrounding marriage? How can you subdue the adversary’s power in your life and continually progress toward a happy, eternal marriage and family? The answer is simple. You can live the gospel of Jesus Christ, draw upon the power of His Atonement, prepare for His return, and help others do the same.
You who are married can lead the way by establishing gospel-centered homes and speaking positively about marriage with your single brothers and sisters who are progressing along the covenant path.
Good News
Tonight, Sister Cook and I would like to share some good news about marriage. And there is a lot of it!
May we begin by sharing our honest feelings and our deep testimonies that happy and successful marriages and families can be built today, by imperfect people like you and me, if we establish them on a gospel foundation of faith in Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ, and His Atonement; prayer; repentance; forgiveness; love; honesty; fidelity; unity; and temple covenants.9
President Nelson explains, “Each marriage starts with two built-in handicaps. It involves two imperfect people. Happiness can come to them only through their earnest effort.”10 The pursuit of an eternal marriage is not casual nor automatic. It is a lifelong journey requiring humility, diligence, and conscious effort from both the husband and the wife.
The best news is that our Savior, Jesus Christ, and His Atonement make continuing progress possible. His arms are outstretched to us. As we exercise faith in Him, pray, and exert earnest effort, miracles occur in our lives. Good intent leads to action, repentance leads to forgiveness, weakness gives way to strength, and our vices are replaced by virtue. Our hopes and dreams for a happy marriage become a reality as we are strengthened and enabled through the Atonement of Jesus Christ, both individually and as couples, one day at a time.
We’ll now hear from Sister Cook. I am grateful for my trusted companion; I know she loves the Lord and is committed to Him, as well as to me. Lynette is my best friend. She is my treasured eternal companion.
[Sister Cook]
I am so thankful for my eternal companion. He is kind and very patient. And we also have fun together. I am grateful for the blessing of sharing life with him and progressing together.
Tonight we hope to help you increase your faith that all of us, regardless of our circumstances and imperfections, can progress toward eternal marriage. We would like to tell you about two everyday couples who are doing just that. These couples have been sealed in the temple. They’ve made covenants with each other and with God to keep His commandments and apply gospel principles in their marriages. They are committed to increasing the love and unity they have for each other and with God.
As I share these stories, pay particular attention to the effort they are making to develop Christlike attributes, which are building blocks for an eternal marriage.
Dawie and Elisa
We met Dawie and Elisa11 a few years ago in South Africa. They exemplify the joy that comes into a relationship when a husband and wife are united.
During a branch devotional on strengthening families, Elder Cook asked the group what they did to strengthen their marriages. Dawie shared an experience he had had with his wife. They ate breakfast one Sunday morning. Then, because of the distance they lived from the meetinghouse, they walked two hours to church, participated in three hours of meetings, and then walked two more hours to return home. They were tired and hungry, but they were out of food. Eventually they went to bed hungry.
In the middle of the night, they both awoke, their stomachs growling. Dawie felt terrible that he hadn’t provided food for Elisa. He was concerned how she was feeling about him. But instead of being sad or angry, Elisa teased him about the funny noises his stomach was making. They both laughed together and eventually fell back asleep.
At the devotional, Dawie expressed appreciation for her kindness, support, and loyalty. He said, “She could have left me. It’s my responsibility to support her. But we are the same.”
When asked to share her thoughts about the experience, Elisa said, “He is my best friend. He does so much for me. When I have problems with people at work, he gives me advice and helps me feel better.”
It was evident that Dawie and Elisa were working through life’s challenges together. In Dawie’s words, they are “the same.” Having no food was not “his” problem or “her” problem but “their” problem. They did not treat the lack of food as a major marital crisis but as a temporary setback that they would somehow work through together. They used humor to soften the situation. They demonstrated faith by going to sleep, anticipating that they could improve their situation the following day.
Dawie and Elisa are not only committed to each other, they are also committed to God. They have faith that if they keep His commandments, He will help them work through their challenges. And they are enjoying the journey of life together as husband and wife. They aren’t allowing challenging circumstances to separate them from each other physically, emotionally, or spiritually.12
Dawie and Elisa recently shared with us that the Lord is blessing them. They now have plenty of food not only for themselves, but they have enough to also share with others who are in need.13 They are progressing together.
President Nelson teaches how we can progress as couples.14
Nate and Lexi (Faith in Jesus Christ and His Atonement)
Next, I will tell you about Nate and Lexi.15 They are an inspiring example of the power that comes into a marriage when both husband and wife exercise faith in Jesus Christ and His Atonement.
Nate and Lexi married and were eager to have a baby. After months of waiting, they were finally expecting. They excitedly shared the news. Unfortunately, a short time later, Lexi miscarried. They were heartbroken.
After several more months, Lexi and Nate were expecting again. The pregnancy progressed well this time. Shortly before the baby was to be born, I attended a party with Lexi. Everyone, including Lexi, was thrilled that their baby girl would soon arrive.
Shortly afterward, we were saddened to hear that their baby had died. Lexi gave birth to their stillborn little daughter in a labor and delivery area full of mothers and babies. It was devastating news. Elder Cook and I went to visit Nate and Lexi at their home. We expected to find them in a terrible state of mourning.
As we entered their home, we felt a peaceful spirit. Nate and Lexi welcomed us warmly. They sat close together on the sofa and held onto each other as they shared with us some of the details regarding the loss of their daughter. They told us of tender mercies the Lord had blessed them with to ease their burden. They expressed gratitude for their beautiful baby, whom they had named Hope. Lexi was grateful for the opportunity she had had to carry Hope and give birth.
Nate and Lexi’s faith lifted us. We were comforted by this young couple. I told them I felt it was a miracle how well they were dealing with this challenge. They both responded by sharing their testimonies of the lifting and strengthening power of Jesus Christ and His Atonement. Their burden was heavy, but He was helping them carry it. The Lord had treated them tenderly, and Nate and Lexi were treating each other tenderly. They were united with God and with each other.
With the Lord’s help, challenges can unite us. Elder D. Todd Christofferson has said, “Without God, … dark experiences tend to despondency, despair, and even bitterness. With God, comfort replaces pain, peace replaces turmoil, and hope replaces sorrow.”16
We hope the stories of these couples help strengthen your faith in marriage. Life is challenging, but we can all progress toward eternal marriage as we apply gospel principles.
[Elder Cook]
In addition to the couples we have highlighted, many others, in all parts of the world, enjoy happy and progressing marriages. We meet these couples everywhere we go. They include people of all ages and backgrounds. We invite you to identify some couples you know personally. Watch them; talk to them; ask them questions. They won’t be perfect, but you can learn from them. They can help strengthen your faith in the eternal nature of marriage and inspire you to develop Christlike attributes that will bless you and your companion forever!
Obstacles
Because we live in a fallen world, we have to deal with obstacles—including in our relationships. I will mention a few obstacles you may encounter as you strive to progress forward toward eternal marriage.
Realistic Expectations
One common obstacle to marriage is having unrealistic expectations of the person you will marry. Our expectations should not be too high or too low. As we openly and honestly communicate with Heavenly Father through sincere prayer, with real intent, He will guide us.
Complacency
Complacency is often an obstacle to eternal marriage. It’s easy to be lulled into carnal security living a life of high self-interest with low responsibilities. We may become comfortable with our lives and feel no urgency to grow. This feeling is contrary to our Heavenly Father’s plan. The whole purpose of this mortal experience is to become as He is. We can’t become if we are not willing to stretch, change, and progress. If you are in a state of complacency, pray and exercise faith to break free and progress forward toward eternal marriage. Heavenly Father can help you know what you can do in your individual circumstance to progress, and He will bless you.
Technology and Media
Finally, one of the great scourges and obstacles of our time is the inappropriate use or overuse of technology and media. It injures individuals and hinders relationships, both in dating and in marriage. If you find yourself online pinning, posting, streaming, shooting, liking, gaming, winning, conquering, tweeting, snapping, and swiping more than you find yourself one-on-one with a real live person talking, laughing, sharing, helping, walking, asking, learning, caring, and giving, perhaps technology and media are holding you back from progressing toward the real joy of an eternal marriage. Internet interaction is not a suitable substitute for human interaction—interacting with real people in real time.
President Nelson has emphasized the importance of switching off phones and putting them away. He has said, “Quality time together is so important! Couples need time together to nurture their relationship. They need to learn to listen, and listen to learn from each other. That time needs to be planned in advance. If a happy marriage is of prime importance, it deserves prime time.”17 Our technology habits during our single years carry over into our marriages.
You Can Do It
Brothers and sisters, with the Lord’s help, you can overcome whatever obstacles you face. Wherever you are on the covenant path, which leads to eternal marriage, the Lord can help you progress so that you walk the path together—with someone you love. Whether you are single with no hopeful prospects, in a troubled marriage, divorced with children, working to overcome an addiction, experiencing health challenges, or discouraged in any way, the Lord’s healing balm can repair, mend, and strengthen you. As you turn to Him in faith, repent of your sins, and draw upon His power to help you progress, miracles occur.
Examples in the Book of Mormon increase our faith. I love when Nephi was commanded to build a ship. He had never built a ship, and he was in the wilderness. We might compare his situation to our task to establish an eternal marriage in this world that sometimes feels like a wilderness.
Nephi said of his experience, “And if it so be that the children of men keep the commandments of God he doth nourish them, and strengthen them, and provide means whereby they can accomplish the thing which he has commanded them.”18
Nephi exercised faith, acted with diligence, and the Lord enabled him to build the ship—a ship that carried him and his wife and family across the ocean to the promised land.19
If Nephi can build a ship with the Lord’s help, we can certainly build eternal marriages with His help. Actually, perhaps building a marriage is a bit more challenging than building a ship, but it is doable! Right, Sister Cook?
Whom Do You Marry?
So, for those of you who are single, whom do you marry? Certainly there is no shortage of advice on who the right person might be. When I was a young man, my father’s advice was, “Son, marry for money, and the love will come.” My mother’s advice was, “Marry for love, and the money will come.” Later, my mission president20 taught me, “Marry for eternity.”
Eternal marriage is a partnership with God, and it is imperative that we seek His counsel regarding whom to marry. We don’t select our companion based on money or possessions, nor just on love. We seek for an eternal marriage.
I appreciated my mission president’s teachings. I am also grateful for the advice he gave me as I prepared to return home. He said I should continually progress toward my eternal goals. He suggested that I prepare for marriage and not delay once the right opportunity arose.
Referrals
Even with the best intentions, it is not always easy to find your eternal companion. Frequently, it takes concerted effort. During my first year home, I met young women at school, at institute, at work, and at church. I dated some once, some twice, but none of my dating relationships developed beyond friendship. I needed help, so I reached out to a trusted former missionary companion, Mark Allred, who lived on the other side of town. I asked him for a referral—a dating referral, someone I could ask out on a date.
Mark knew me, and he considered young women that he knew. After some thought, he gave me the name of Lynette Hansen. He felt we were a good match and we would enjoy each other’s company, so I contacted her. Mark was right! She was a golden, or what turned out to be a diamond, referral. He was inspired.
For those of you who are single, I know there are many ways you can search for your eternal companion, but some methods are definitely better than others. Seek for your companion in places where you will most likely find your eternal companion. Eternal companion—I can’t overemphasize this.
Consider asking for a referral from a known and trusted source. Do you have a former missionary companion, a loyal schoolmate, a good friend from a previous ward? Someone who knows you? How about asking him or her for a referral?
If you receive a referral, exercise faith, contact the person, and give it a try. Certainly, there will be some referrals that don’t work out, but there will also be inspired referrals that change lives. I believe when we exercise faith, have hope, and include Heavenly Father, good things take place.
Progressing Together
When Lynette and I started dating, we enjoyed time with each other very much. We saw each other frequently, and our friendship grew stronger every day. We were different from each other in a few ways, but we aligned in all of the important ways. We fell in love, and eventually we came to a point where we felt we needed to make a decision. Were we going to get married and progress together? Or would we move on?
We evaluated the realities of marriage. Where would we live? How would we survive financially away from our parents? Was the timing right? We prayed together about all of our concerns. We both felt that Heavenly Father would be pleased if we were to marry. We felt He would help us overcome the obstacles we faced.
Most of this happened in one semester of school. Lynette was a good student and went to the library often to study. I also went to the library—to see her. My grades went up, and Lynette’s grades went down. True! But we both agreed it was the best semester we ever had. Why was that? In addition to the happiness that we felt when we were together, we were progressing toward a common goal. We felt aligned with each other and with God, and it felt good. Our faith increased. We came to feel that with the Lord’s help, we could overcome anything. We were filled with joy.
We were sealed in the Ogden Utah Temple. That was almost 40 years ago. We have found for ourselves that marriage does bring greater possibilities for happiness than does any other human relationship.21 Because it is the Lord’s plan.
We have talked about a lot of things tonight. We hope the doctrine we shared distills upon your soul and helps you progress along the covenant path toward eternal marriage. We hope the examples we shared of happy marriages increase your faith and that the Spirit has whispered to you something you can do to progress. Perhaps for some of you, the Spirit whispered with whom you could progress!
For those of you who are doing what you should to pursue eternal marriage but nothing seems to be forthcoming—whether you are currently single or in a marriage that shows little sign of progressing—we pray that you will be blessed to remain optimistic and do your best, contribute to the Lord’s work, and live with joy. President Nelson said, “We know that the Lord will judge each of us according to the desires of our hearts, as well as our works, and that the blessing of exaltation will be given to all who are worthy.”22 Be faithful and press forward. All blessings will be yours in the Lord’s time. I know that that is true.
Brothers and sisters, our great opportunity is to continually progress—to create and fortify celestial marriages and eternal families with the Lord’s help. I bear testimony that Jesus Christ is our Savior and our Redeemer. Through Him, we can be strengthened to do all things that Heavenly Father invites us to do. And may His blessings be with you, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.
© 2019 by Intellectual Reserve, Inc. All rights reserved. Version: 2/19. Translation of “Continually Progressing toward Eternal Marriage.” Language. PD60008283 000