Peace

By Jeannie Takahashi

Ever since my baptism eighteen years ago, I wondered if I could ever become a calm, serene Latter-day Saint woman. The prospects seemed very dismal because I had worried practically nonstop my whole life.

Even after being baptized I was an incessant worrier. This wasn’t because of a lack of faith or testimony. I’ve known all along that Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ live, that they love me, and that I can receive inspiration through the Holy Ghost. My husband and I have been sealed in the temple, have studied the scriptures conscientiously, and have served in many callings. Recorded in my journal are many spiritual experiences which have further confirmed my testimony.

Still, I lacked that sense of peace and serenity which I felt should be evident in the life of one who was truly trying to live the gospel. Perhaps I did not yet understand what living the gospel really meant.

With this in mind, in the spring of 1979 I started an in-depth study as suggested by Doctrine and Covenants 38:30: “If ye are prepared ye shall not fear.” [D&C 38:30] I explored the specific things for which to prepare, how to prepare, and how to know if my preparations were adequate. It was wonderful to look deep into my soul and find the gospel there.

Immediately upon completion of this project, before it really settled into my life, we left for our annual family holiday. As usual, I was a reluctant traveler. After all, being away from home entailed many additional hazards, such as sleeping in a tent trailer, using public washrooms, having twenty-five-cent showers, trying to keep milk fresh in a primitive ice box, and watching to see that the driver didn’t fall asleep at the wheel.

After we had been out several days, I realized that a remarkable thing was happening. Rather than constantly being tense and praying for protection, I was actually having a good time. Besides enjoying the days, I was even sleeping at night. In fact, our older children informed me that I was falling asleep before I finished reading the bedtime stories. No longer was I lying awake, listening to everyone else breathe deeply while I worried about all the perils present in a campground. It was amazing!

What was causing this great change? The altitude? No, we had been in these mountains many times before. It had to be something else.

Then one particularly calm morning, I remarked to my husband, “I think I am beginning to understand what it was the Lord promised when he said, ‘Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid’ (John 14:27). I feel so relaxed, so safe, so—serene.”

I was almost afraid to say the word. My husband smiled and put his arm around me. It was a special moment.

Since then, I have continued to enjoy this feeling—and I hope that it will stay with me forever as I continue studying the scriptures, praying, and working on individual and family preparedness. I still marvel at what has happened to me, and I’m grateful for this undeniable, beautiful fruit of my conversion eighteen years ago—peace, quiet and tranquil peace.

• Jeannie Takahashi, homemaker and mother of four, is education counselor in the Edmonton, Alberta, First Ward Relief Society.

Because I was an incessant worrier, I could never enjoy family trips. But then I realized that through the Spirit serenity was gradually creeping into my life.