“The Family Proclamation: How Do I Fit In as a Single Adult?” Ensign, September 2020
Digital Only: Young Adults
The Family Proclamation: How Do I Fit In as a Single Adult?
The family proclamation is equally important for individuals and families.
Sometimes people say things to me like, “Well, since you don’t have a family …”
First, I feel a little surprised at the comment and sometimes a bit frustrated. It is true that I am not married. But it is not true that I don’t have a family. That idea assumes that I just identify myself as someone who is not married and nothing more. With that perspective, it would be easy to feel like I’m left out of the family proclamation.1 But I know I have an individual role in Heavenly Father’s plan, and the blessings of the proclamation definitely apply to me.
I have many families.
First, I have a mom and dad, five siblings, and ten nieces and nephews—plus grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. I am not always the best sister, aunt, cousin, or daughter. And I am lucky they consider me family. But even if they didn’t, they would still be mine and I would still be theirs. And, for any of you raised by grandparents, foster families, or any other family that doesn’t look like mine, the family you have is still yours and you are still theirs.
Second, I have my heritage—all of my ancestors and connections back through centuries of time. I’m kind of a family history nut, and that has connected me to something larger than myself. I feel connected to a part of history—the good and the bad—and all that has come before me. I literally carry pieces of them within me. I have found peace and comfort in connecting with my ancestors. They are a reminder that I am not alone, and I know that those angels have supported me through many dark times. I am truly blessed that I have the resources and the connections to learn about my heritage. But even if I didn’t, they would still be mine and I would still be theirs.
Third, I have my heavenly parents. Because we are all children of God, I am constantly surrounded by “brothers and sisters” I can love and serve each day. I don’t have to limit my love to my biological connections. Knowing I have heavenly parents also gives me a sense of purpose and safety. They know us and love us, and there is a plan for each one of us to return home to them. And the most amazing thing is that even if I didn’t believe this or know this, they would still be mine and I would still be theirs. How beautiful is that?
The proclamation applies to my individual journey.
When I think of my place in “The Family: A Proclamation to the World,” I think of who I need to become to strengthen God’s family—my individual journey. What is my role in this giant family? It is to protect it—to do all I can to help my brothers and sisters in this world to feel like they belong, to know who they are, and to realize there is a plan where we can all “gain earthly experience” and “realize [our] divine destiny.” And I can do that regardless of my marital status.
The proclamation explains that our individual role is accomplished through “sacred ordinances and covenants available in holy temples.” The sealing covenant is of course my hope and goal, but that doesn’t mean that God doesn’t have blessings for me now, before that happens! In receiving my endowment, I have already made my own personal covenants in the temple with God. And every day I gain a better understanding of the power that I can individually use in His work. The proclamation also reminds us that temples make it possible for “individuals to return to the presence of God” (emphasis added). We return on our own accord and agency, having made our own promises to Him.
I can build happiness in family regardless of my circumstances.
As an adult with adult siblings who have many differing priorities, it is hard for me to keep in contact and know what’s going on with everyone all the time. Through prayer, I have discovered that my personal goal is to help keep my family united as much as possible. To me, this means talking to and spending time with them whenever I can. Praying is also something I can do for them at any time. Repenting when I’ve wronged them? Yep—single or married, repentance is something anyone can do. Oh, and love and compassion are paramount. I fail at them often, which gives ample opportunities for my family and for me to practice forgiveness. I love working together with my siblings on various projects, and we really enjoy “wholesome recreational activities” together. I grow in my understanding of healthy relationships as I practice these principles.
Even knowing all of these truths, I sometimes wonder what my part is when I’m not currently playing the role of a wife or mother, and I don’t even fully understand what the role of nurturer looks like for me. And that’s OK. I’m still learning. The proclamation makes room for different journeys by saying, “Other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation.”
So just because I am not married does not mean that I don’t fit. It doesn’t mean I am some side plan or an accident. I don’t think that God is suddenly wondering what to do with all the single people on the earth. He is not trying to “fit” me into His plan—I already belong there, as we all do. He has a plan for each of us. Our heavenly parents know where we are, our circumstances, and our ability to contribute goodness in this world and in the world after. We don’t have to fear. We can trust that we are already part of their family—and always will be.