Jokes, Riddles, and Cartoons

What happens to the fog when the sun comes up? It won’t be mist.

When is a black dog not a black dog? When he is a greyhound.

Why are the western prairies so flat? Because the sun sets on them every night.

Why is the figure 9 like a peacock? Because it would be nothing without its tail.

What is so fragile that even to name it is to break it? Silence.

What is yours, but is used by others more than by yourself? Your name.

What goes uphill and downhill but always stays in the same place? A road.

Why is a hen sitting on a fence like a coin? Because she has a head on one side and a tail on the other.

What is the first thing a man plants in his garden? His feet.

Why is a television set like a railroad crossing? Because it makes people stop, look, and listen.

How many balls of twine would it take to reach to the moon? One—if it is long enough.

What starts with p and ends with e and has hundreds and hundreds of letters in it? A post office.

What is more wonderful than a horse that counts? A spelling bee.

What word do children always pronounce wrong? Wrong.

What is the best way to raise strawberries? With a spoon.

What has eighteen legs and catches flies? A baseball team.

Why is a baseball player like a cake? His success depends on the batter.

Why can’t a bicycle stand up by itself? Because it’s two-tired.

When is a bright idea like a clock? When it strikes one.

What falls often but never gets hurt? Snow.

How long is a string? Twice as long as half its length.

Why is snow like a maple tree? Because it leaves in the spring.

What is the end of everything? The letter g.

What goes up the steps on its head? A tack in your shoe.

What animal keeps the best time? A watch dog.

Why is an empty purse always the same? Because there is never any change in it.

Why is the letter h so easily seen? It is always before the eye (i).

Why can a fish be weighed free? It has its own scales.

What grows larger when you take more away? A hole.

When is a carpenter like a magician? When he makes a board walk.

Why do birds fly south? Because it’s too far to walk.

How do you make a hot dog roll? Put it on a hill.

What goes up and never goes down? Your age.

When are your teeth like your tounge? When they begin to chatter.

Why is the crow the bravest of all birds? Because it never shows a white feather.